28

yesterday was my 28th birthday. i guess this officially ranks me to be in my late twenties. dan threw me a lil birthday bash at southbeach bar and grill in ob. we then made our way to sunshine company so the guys can play pool. the turn out was good, it could have been better. my friends...flaked out again...well...at least the ones that told me they were coming...those that forewarned me...no big deal. anyway, i had good company. all of dan's friends came out, so that was nice of all them. i didnt get as drunk as i thought i'd get. though...i did puke...courtesy of jim. he bought me this shot that was horrid. it was sweet as all hell, but tasted like black licorice and peppermint. i dont do black licorice and i definitely dont like peppermint. i was peer pressured into sucking it down, about 10 min later i headed out the bar and puked in the corner. it felt so much better afterwards. note to self, never take that shot again. dan was great the whole nite. i was really nervous about him being able to have fun since there was a certain someone there that he's not very fond of. but he ended up having a great time, even being the dd. he didnt drink as much as i thought he would. i appreciated that. dan you're the best thing that has happened to me! thanks for an awesome birthday...next year, lets celebrate at cass street.

unexpected

PROOF : 8 hours in a Kasier Emergency Room

well...monday morning about 1231 am i woke to an excrutiating pain in my abdomen. i had no idea what the pain was. i laid in bed grabbing at my lower abdomen hoping the pain would subside...but to now avail. it increasingly became intolerable...so much that i had to wake dan up in tears clenching at the sheets and wailing in pain. i tried to switch my position in bed - just maybe if i turn on my side the pain would go away, no...it actually got worse... i kept waiting for a break in the pain, but nothing. i knew this wasnt normal nor right. i had once experienced this pain, but not this intense. i gave in and told dan that we needed to head to the er. barely being able to get up, i crept around the room to put some clothes on. dan gathered my purse, his belongings and luthor's belongings. the three of us headed towards the kaiser er. walking to the truck was a task and a half for me. it hurt to walk, it hurt to sit, it hurt to do anything. i was in tears...so bad that i was moaning each time the pain intensified.

we get to the er...check in...and finally are called to the back...in like 2 minutes or so. the nurse took my vitals, ordered dan to grab a wheel chair and we were off to module D where they finally parked me in bed 1...the gynecology bed. it was well equipped i must say. the bed was even transformable to a bed with stirrups. the nurse there made me pee in a cup to verify that i was in fact not pregnant...which i wasnt. thank goodness. we then waited for over 2 hours for the ob doctor to see me. this man violated me with a wand in ways i have never been violated before...all to tell me that i would have to wait until 7 am to be violated again. mind you..i was in pain this entire time. i was in pain all over..my head hurt from the lack of sleep, my arm hurt from the IV (the nurse used a BIG IV needle just in case i needed to be rushed into emergency surgery). it was only a quarter to 4 when the doc told me the bad news about staying until the morning, so dan decided to head home to get luthor situated and work situated. he came back around 6 i think. i dont quite remember.

the hustle and bustle of shift changes began happening, so i knew it was closer to 7 and that means i can finally have my formal ultra sound done. one problem...they needed to put a catheter in me...sounds easy right. no its not. it actually hurt. the worse part was when they manually filled my bladder. the feeling was so intense, that i didnt really know which hurt most...the need to pee so bad or the pain in my abdomen. they filled my bladder twice actually. the first time was when we had the go ahead to prep me for the ultrasound...then a call back saying not to prep me because my time switched to 745...there was no way i could bare the pain of needing to pee so bad, so the nurse unclamped me and let the water flow back out...then they filled it again around 745. we headed down stairs to the ultrasound dept. there i waited for another 20 min before the tech came in and did an external ultra sound then again another internal. i tell you this tech was worse that the doc...i dont know what the hell her kept hitting in me, but whatever it was it made me have the urge to shit. i mean, the urge you get when your clenching your asshole so hard it hurts to clench cause you know the shit is knocking on your asshole ready to come out. so not only did i have the urge to shit so bad, i had the urge to pee really bad. not very comfortable. the ultrasound took maybe 45 min to an hour. then i was transported back upstairs to the er...where we waited again...

finally the doc came in and told me i had a 2 inch ovarian cyst and basically prescribed pain meds and stool softener. she noted that if the pain got worse, then i should come back and see her, because they may have to surgically remove it. she also recommend that i do a follow up ultrasound with my regular ob to make sure the size isnt getting any bigger. havent scheduled that visit yet. maybe tomorrow i will at my lunch hour. but i've been taking advantage of the pain meds, but i cant bring myself to taking the stool softener..something just doesnt sound right about taking it.

so...8 hours in the emergency room yielded me a bottle of vicoden, stool softener and ibuprofen not to mention 2 days off work.

note to self...next time the pain happens again, take a 600 mg of ibuprofen and sleep it off.

no wonder why i hate going to the doctors...especially the emergency room. i truly believe that if i was bleeding inside...i would have died at how slow the service was.

Christmas Spirit

Luthor has Christmas Spirit

Our 3rd Ornament

Our stockings this year

Our very first Christmas Wreath

Our Charlie Brown Christmas Tree

We got off to a late start decorating around the house this year. i think its because both dan and i are just spent at the end of the day...and well...our weekends...our for relaxation. when i say relaxation it usually means having time to ourselves and just being lazy. the holiday season is always stressful. i havent quite figured out why yet...but it always drives people crazy.

This is our first Christmas being married. we decided to keep it really low key because the honeymoon is coming up in february and we want to spend all our time and attention to that. two weeks in new zealand. we both cannot wait. its going to be a trip of a lifetime for us...just like ireland was. but this new zealand trip is something special, because its here that we finally get to let loose and celebrate our marriage and just relax. its going to be great.

well, i better get going here...the nuggets are on tv...go NUGGS...

Gooble Gooble

Dan - fed and happy

Luthor waking up to be photogenic

Luthor napping after eating all day at lolo & lola's

Today is Thanksgiving. As tradition repeats itself, many families are gathering around the table enjoying a nicely prepared meal and being thankful for the bounty set before them. Today is a little bittersweet for me.

I woke today around 715ish to begin preparing the side dishes for our thanksgiving lunch. today was actually the very first thanksgiving we ever had at my parent's house. we normally have turkey day at my brother's house but this year was a little different. my dad was really happy. he even said grace over the food. ~that is something quite special because he never says grace~ as always the food was amazing because i cooked it! ha ha ha. just kidding. everyone ate to their hearts content. it was good.

unfortunately today, i just got word from my mom that my aunt passed away today at 515pm after a long fight with cancer. she was quite a courageous woman. she knew she had cancer and fought it until she couldnt fight no more. she lived life to the fullest each day spending time with her husband and their only son. its so sad because he's getting married next year. but i know that she will be looking down upon him on his wedding day. this week will be a little somber for me. i know her passing wont hit me until the wake or the funeral. rest in peace aunt lucretia...may the angels welcome you to heaven!

looking glass

forgive me if there are faults in this here blog. this blog here, is being compiled after quite a few glasses of beer.

what prompted this you might add? hmm...good company. weird huh? it is. but hear me out okay. tonite, dan and i frequented one of the first bars he took me to - to meet his friends. southbeach in ocean beach. it is because of these outings that i have seemed to fallen in love with their little community. its almost a world of their own. but anyway, back to the topic. the looking glass....

have you ever thought that you know someone well enough, but in all reality dont really know that much about them? quite a brain teaser isnt it.

you see...on the ride home with dan, i got to talking about how i envied his friendship with his friends. i will openly admit that i will probably always envy it. why you ask. because i USED to have a circle of friends like he has. BUT i gave that up. due to sheer stupidity. i chose a man to come between those that always seemed to have my back up until the point where i shafted them. i never put a lot of thought into the saying that guys are a dime a dozen, or one a dog always a dog, or ... lovers come and go but friends will always stay. i have never abided by them cliches...nor did i care for them. why should i? i was on cloud 9....thats all i needed. i was being loved by someone that promised me the world - something my friends couldnt promise me. stupid me, i believed him and shafted them.

but now...i see...i how important it is to have a circle of friends you can truly turn to and trust. something, i am ashamed of, saying that i dont have. i really dont. i have at most 3 friends i can turn to when the going gets rough, and i mean rough. i dont really have friends. i dont really feel i need them because i always feel they have alterior motives. why i feel like that...because each and every single friend of mine has really let me down in ways i cannot even comprehend myself. i just know that they screwed me over so bad, that i know i cannot trust them. how pathetic.

in any case, dan has this group of friends that meet up every now and again for dinner and drinks. and man...do i envy them so much. i cannot even begin to describe how jealous i get. its all because i dont have friends like that. but in case, these guys including dan, have so many memories of each other...a lot of which i dont care about because they pertain to other females, but whatever you know. if dan will cheat, i have no control over that. i just need to believe that he wont. i cannot categorize him as such , because he was the only person that convinced me to love again. i must admit- i was pretty adamant about that. i was okay with just having him as a boy toy, a booty call, a good dinner out and free drinks. but it turned in to love. quite shocking for me actually in my young age where dudes come dime a dozen...or do they? to a once broken heart?

who the hell knows huh. in any instance, i explained all this to dan, and what he said to me was...my friends are now your friends. but are they? when the going gets tough - they will always be dan's friends. i'm sure dan has said this to his ex. ... and i am dead positive i know how she feels when he said that to her. its a girl thing that dan will never understand. ever. sorry honey. its a girl thing.

but it always got me to thinking...ya i know as much i need to know about dan, but do i really know him? do i know all the different sides of dan that i need to know? how do i know he's not keeping something from me? how do i know he doesnt have a whole other email address to see what else is out there? how do i not know that he is working out when he says he is? how do i not know that he's doing this or that? truth is. i will never know. i just have the faith in him and trust that he says he's doing what he is doing. i'm sure there are sides of dan that i dont know. its either a matter of time that they will come out or time where he will really disappoint me, but that is what you gamble when you fall in love with someone and dont know the entire history about them.

i have learned to keep everything in the open. dan has my passwords to everything...from my email address to my bank accounts to god knows what else. do i have those same privileges? i sure DO NOT. what do i feel about that? a little uneasy, but i have trust that he converses with others in a manner that is not flirtatious or in any way jeopardizing what we have built together. and.....and...if it does, then i am the fool. i have always been the fool and i dont care if i am the fool because i can honestly say that i have given it my ALL. dan knows every aspect of my life, he knows what i have been through...from my struggles to my triumphs and it is the best i can give him.

it all comes down to life being a looking glass. are you really seeing what you are seeing or only what you want to see?

why?

i understand that people have an insatiable hunger to create drama and in turn feed off of it. but why? someone answer me this.

i work in cubicle land. where i work, its hard not to hear the ins and outs of people's lives. i'm not sure why people voluntarily speak about things that would be, to a normal person, private. but then again, whose normal these days? i guess that answers that.

the clash of people's backgrounds, credentials, upbringings and learning curves all play a role in how the whole will interact with each other. you see, where i work, there are all kinds of folks. i mean, we're almost our own melting pot. its kinda neat because there's always a different perspective - depending on who you talk to. with this said, why badger someone for an achievement they have worked so hard in getting? why belittle them for going an extra mile in life? why?

as dan puts it - its because they are insecure. in every shape and form, dan is probably 98.9% correct. but its so sad that someone would go out of their way to make someone feel...so...degraded almost for earning an achievement.

humans are humans, we all make our mistakes and we all triumph at something great in our life. but why is the human race so vicious towards each other. the world truly is a dog eat dog world. i guess this is what humans were destined to do. you see, i earned a degree in sociology. so i know a fair amount of how to perceive things in different perspectives all from people watching. sociology is the study of people, and i have to admit studying people and watching people really intrigues me. i have learned to categorize people by how they interact with others, and so on and so forth. i studied this crap for 4 years of my life. i think i know what i'm talking about...and i definitely know what i'm thinking. but i have never been able to understand the human race and the interactions we all engage in. granted, i never have been able to figure out the animal kingdom other than the strongest will survive. but that doesnt always hold true for the human race. or does it? you tell me.

Hump Day

that's right folks - today is hump day. congrats to all of you who have managed to make it this far in the work week. the week for me...has been long - kinda. you see, there's nothing to really do right now at work. its like the calm before the storm because next month is when all hell breaks loose and overtime begins. yep folks, i will be putting in more than 40 hours a day and probably even working 6 days out of the week. how depressing, you might say. but no, not really. i need the money for the holidays. a huge chunk of what i'm making is being saved for a house and the other chunk goes to gas while the small remainder thats left goes to my daily expenses that keeps me going. so...when over time comes, i dont mind having a few extra bills in my wallet, granted i have to work for it, but my job is pretty easy compared to many of you out there. so i cant complain.

this week, i have vowed to myself that i am going to stick to a workout regimen. the idea at this point is to work out at least 6 days out of the week. i'm going on my honeymoon at the very beginning of february and i will be damned if i'm the only fat woman or out of shape woman on those new zealand beaches. so...to make sure this doesnt happen i am working out extra hard. dangit, i hope it pays off. for my sake and dan's sake.

life as i know it is great. i cant complain about anything really except that its freaking HOT out here. i've been asked many times and continue to be asked how married life is...and the answer is, it hasn't changed from before. i've only acquired another piece of jewelry on my finger and a marriage certificate from the county of san diego officially deeming us husband and wife. things are great. we're both happy and very much in love. we are really enjoying where we are in life right now.

hump day is nearing its end....

weathered

so for the last couple of days - monday to be exact, i have been under the weather. it sux bad. i ended up getting sick on sunday and it really hit me on monday. thank goodness i had already planned to have tuesday and wednesday off for a biopsy. so it kinda hit me at the right time. i called in sick today to kick the rest of it - so hopefully tomorrow i will be in full gear to work when i get there. i'm actually looking forward to it, becuase i dont deal too well with being home bound. as a matter of fact, i get anxious sitting here at home. and poor dan, when he comes home i'm just bouncing off the walls...and all he wants to do is relax.

the doctors visit on tuesday went well except for the fact that my parents showed up. that was awkward. my mom was in the room with me the entire exam...and it was really uncomfortable. it wasn't like i invited her either, she kinda just barged in and welcomed herself to join us. really weird, but whatever.

then i just got sicker and sicker after that. i think today is the only day that i feel somewhat normal. my body doesnt ache anymore. all i've got left is a headache i cant shake off and endless blows of snot coming out of my nose. once i get rid of all that, i should be good to go. in any event, i knew it was coming. the last time i got sick was in january. i was long over due. i usually get sick at least 3 times a year.

well, i better get my ass on that couch and relax so all this will be over tomorrow. thank goodness today is so much cooler.

3-1

today was a devastation in the football world, more specifically to the broncos and their fans. i have become, by marriage, a bronco fan. so, for all you, charger folks that have tried to talk to me about being loyal to san diego, i'm sorry, my loyalty lies with my husband. and besides, maintaining peace at home is key to a marriage, and what better way to maintain peace...becoming a rockies, nuggets, bronco, avalanche fan. its just easier this way, i'm sure one day when you folks finally get married, you'll understand. but for now...i'm purely a colorado fan in all aspects. and if anyone knows my husband, the man is a sports fanatic. he's always reading about sports and keeping track of things pertaining to the sports he watches. there is no end in sight for him, so i've learned if i cant change him then i may as well join him. ha!

today was my first day wearing a bronco jersey. yes, a bronco jersey. i own one now. not just any one, but a personalized one. yes, dan and have almost matching jerseys. as a matter of fact i think we'll be buying orange matching jerseys in the near future.

so as a fan, i complained about a few things today. one...why the hell did cutler throw the f-ing ball away? why dude? were your sugar levels not stable enough for you to figure out that #88 was wide open while you maintained to throw it to marshall as he was being guarded by 2 chiefs? seriously dude, how are you supposed to win games when you have you head up your ass! get your shit together. secondly, why the hell couldnt the broncos maintain possession of the ball. marshall...you wear gloved for a reason...clearly today, you did not wear them to grip the ball, because you fumbled it. same goes for you royal. supposedly the two of you are the best receivers on the bronco team, today certainly does not prove it. it hurt watching ya'll play today. if only cutler threw to open guys, and if we could just maintain possession of the damn ball the broncos could have been 4-0. what a disappointment.

to make matters even worse in my world, i have managed to catch a cold watching you guys lose. i certainly hope next saturday, you all will get your game together and pull out a win to make up for this loss. oh and...i hope #10 is okay. its always daunting seeing a man being carried off the field in a stretcher. a speedy recovery to you!

thats all for now...

treasures

every morning i wake next to my husband...its a peaceful wake...something good to start off the day. its funny how relationships grow and things just become the norm...just like that...almost with the snap of fingers. 30 months now that we have been together...3 months of them as husband and wife now. there is nothing i want more than to end my days with him and wake next to every morning.

there are so many things to love about him...and many more i am learning of as time passes. and i love it. but you see, each morning, he carries a tune. he's always singing in the shower or saying something clever with a catchy tune...almost every morning he does that. and each and every time it brings a smile to my face. he probably doesnt know this, nor will i ever admit it to him. but in any event, i always find that the little things will always brighten my day. i am a true believer of cherishing the little things in life. i think dan is too...he places a lot of emphasis on cherishing what you have not what you think you should have.

everyone who knows me...knows that i am a dreamer. what do i mean by this? i see something and i want it and when i put my mind to something there's no turning back or telling me otherwise. its just the way i am. why do i bring this to your attention, you ask. because i think i may be getting out that habit or shell or mind frame. what is the saying....patience is a virtue...good things come to those that wait...

from first hand experience...all the times that i have waiting for something, it was always the best outcome for me. funny thing ... i thought about this at work...while i was slammed with work. its definitely odd - how my mind works. i can be under total stress and have an epiphany yet be under no stress and cant figure out what to do next. i have always been a person who works well with pressure - ok so some of you who know me may say otherwise - but i'd like to think i work well under pressure. dan will tell you that i always seem to take on tasks that are grand...and require a lot of attention or work to be accomplished successfully. and you know, for once i will admit that he is right. there's something about a challenge and me knowing that i can push myself to make it through successfully and have a very rewarding outcome.

my life definitely goes through peaks and valleys - just like anyone else life...but its only now that i can say that my life is coming full circle...in its entirety. i think the one thing i am missing but not caring much for is a house i can call my own..or actually our own. oh and that kid i've been contemplating on having. but other than that...i think everything else will fall into place quite nicely. its the first time in my life since i've lost my independent status as a single woman that i am able to save money. it feels good. it feels good to know that i can put away half my paycheck for something grand in the future. its damn nice to know that i have no debt except for my student loan. its nice to know that i have a job that i go to every day and actually like...granted there are the days where i hate it, but who doesnt have those days?

i will always find the time to treasure the small things in life, to stop every now and again to smell the roses or admire a beautiful sunset. i am learning that patience is a virtue. i am also learning that it isnt a bad thing to dream but it can be a bad thing to want everything. i am quite thankful for the treasures i have in my life...because it was in time that i finally found them.

Vent

hasnt the theme to this blog been one of bitching and moaning and venting...well this blog here will be following in suit with those of the past. i've been told that i have a problem letting this out and getting over them...and quite simply i do. so...here...i turn to vent to the whole world...or whoever is bored enough at night to stumble...quite unfortunately...to this here blog. i'm sorry reader...but you're the one that keeps reading the words.

i think the last post i did was months ago...i have been quite unsuccessful at posting regularly. maybe if i think to blog after i shit, then it would be more regular...but blogging seems - to me - to take too long. actually, i take that back...i dont blog because i'm tired of sitting on my ass in front of a computer all day...so when i get home - blogging is the last thing on my mind.

today's blog...consists of dependency. more specifically people's dependency on me.

i understand that at my job, people depend on me to do my work...as i depend on people to do their work. the ebb and flow of what i do for a living in my cubicle alongside the same people that share what i do...is integral to people's healthcare. this i understand.

what i dont understand...is how certain people in my life...not to mention any names...constantly feel the need to call me and almost harass me to an almost very annoying state. i cannot comprehend, nor will i try to even begin the process of comprehending how grown people depend on me for the smallest and quite normal functions of life....to the greatest extent. i hear questions such as...chris..why is your dog throwing up? ...cause i think its because the heat...when i came home today it was really hot in the house...do you think thats why they're throwing up and sick? hmmm...let me figure this one out - no brainer...i think yes. and i'm quite surprised you were able to piece all that together on the phone with me, but was not able to in your own mind before you called me.

did i forget to mention that this is my week of the month? i am mood swing heaven right now...so all you people watch out.

so you think that's all i'm venting about huh...well you're right. i am too tired to even type on this keyboard....wait let me take that back...i'm too lazy. maybe the next blog will be on a positive note...i hope for your sake and my husband's sake...he's starting to think i'm going looney.

that's all folks....

comic con

I havent the slightest clue about what the hell this thing may be. BUT i thought it was damn cool. This may be why mom and mr mccahill hate the idea of me wanting to ride a bike.

This here was pretty amazing too. You should have seen the toes on him!

This man here, is the new found hero. I even scored a bobble head looking thing of him.

ok for reals. i have never ever been to comic con and never did i in this life time think i would ever go to comic con. its just not my cup of tea...so...i thought.

seriously...i thought that comic con would be filled with a bunch of nerds....NERDS! i mean the type of people that have thick glasses with condensation building on them, pocket protectors in their lift titty shirt pocket, fowl breath and the like. boy was i freaking wrong. ok, not completely. there were tons of nerds in there, but there were also normal people. ha. normal, what the hell is that these days? needless to say, there was a huge array of folks from little kids, teenagers, middle age folk and even the elderly. i kid you not. people are nuts over comics and what they are all about.

i'll be honest with you, the only comics i read as a kid was peanuts and garfield...if that. my reading material for comics was what came in the sunday newspaper. i never was really into comics at all. i have never heard of dc comics, aspen comics, dark horse comics or anything else until wednesday night. daniel is a HUGE comic fan, but we never really talk about comics...cause it really never was my cup of tea. i think he has tried to ween me into it, by introducing some comic based movies to me, but it never really worked i guess..only a few of them i liked. sin city..will never have a spot for me. i think a lot of it is because i dont appreciate comics for what they are. dan..on the other hand...does....he sees what they developed from...and what they have developed into on the screen..which i think is amazing.

the preview of the spirit was good...i'm not so sure if i will like it when it comes out this christmas or not. it does have some big actors in it and definitely some gorgeous ones...like the producer/director said...it totally covers every man's fantasy of women...and it sure does. too bad it cant be like that for women huh? maybe i'd be more into it. eh, we'll see when christmas rolls around if i get hooked or not. there's hope for me dan...

so walking throughout the ENTIRE convention center i came across or rather, i stumbled upon people's words and impressions of what comic con is about and what they were thinking. at the garment area of comic con...a fellow mentioned that it was 'the ghetto of comic-con.' a little boy outside of the convention center thinks there will be a 'star wars 2 1/2.' an older woman in the midst of the craziness said 'my god its a human zoo in here.'

this is what i was thinking...holy fucking shit, i feel like i am being herded like cattle in here. this place is fucking crazy. all kinds of people dressed up in all kinds of costumes...not quite sure if they are comic based, hollywood based or what? at one point in time, i seen a man dressed in a speedo with a spear....and i thought...what in the fuck are you supposed to be? and damn, i kinda wanna take a photo with him - cause he's really odd dressed and it takes BALLS folks to dress in nothing but a speedo at the convention center with thousands of people to see what you're made of. but i will admit, some people wearing costumes went all out and it totally showed..and they were like stars out there on the floor. truly amazing how much time some of these people put into this convention. i think the most amazing part of it all, was the age range of the artist. i really wasnt sure what to expect of these different artists, but i sure wasnt expecting old ass people to be drawing iron man or the incredible hulk. i'm not sure what i imagined their artists to be.

but anyway, we will be back at it again today sometime. stay tuned for more photos and my thoughts of this nerdy convention that has gone mainstream!

Mrs Young

It is one week now that I am a married woman. Totally off the market and untouchable to those who have always dreamt of and fantasized to be with me...sorry dudes! Daniel had won my heart a long time ago and now he has it all to himself. Wow...that was a bit cocky.

7 days now....that I am Mrs. Young. Its quite different. I dont know how i will break the habit of signing my name as a dulay. Its something i wil definitely have to be more conscious about. my work people are making a great effort in breaking me out of it, cause everything around me is YOUNG...they are writing my name as Young, they have changed my name plate to Young and are bugging me to change all my email correspondence to Young. I think I will do most the name changing when I get around to the Social Security Office, DMV and the like. Once I have the name change on Paper and its legal, then I will start changing everything else, but until then I'll be Dulay on paper and Mrs Young to everything else.

How does it feel to be a married woman? everyone seems to be asking me that question. Well...to be quite honest...i dont feel any different. i am who i am and i will always be the same person daniel has met and fallen in love with. i feel the same. its just that now, the bond between us is official for the others. its more permanent so to speak. we have the acknowledgment that we are a married couple, ready to have kids and start a life together. but to dan and me, its always been that...from the beginning stages of our relationship...we've always known we were going to build a life together and have children in the future. nothing new to us, except for we're no longer in a relationship per se, but now a marriage. We're husband and wife. that still sounds funny to me in a way...its not something i thought i'd ever claim on anyone again...and here i am prouder than ever to be daniel's wife and he my husband....

life begins....and will continue as Mrs Young.....

Married

Dan and I are finally married. After a long....and i mean long....year and a half of planning, the hardwork has finally paid off...the sweat i lost and tears i shed were all worth it. the day was beautiful, minus the heat. everything was almost a blurr....just like everybody said it would be.

Dan had most his family here, and it was great to see and be with everyone. afterall, these people are now my in-laws...wow...my in-laws. i have a mom and dad in law...ha. who woulda thought. but the event was gorgeous, well from what i remember at least. everyone said it was a hit, now i'm just waiting to see the different pictures everyone took. a million or so picture must have been snapped that day, and i know we were the center of most of it.

but through it all, i have become a married woman. i now have a proud husband to call my own and thats the best part of it. i love you dan, for everything you are and everything you allow me to be. i cant wait to see what our future holds together....our happiness and joy are endless....

life now finally begins as stressfree....ahhh...what a difference a day makes...

today...

i will vow my love to daniel infront of all our family and friends. daniel has waited 37 years to get married. . .today we wed.

daniel....i am the luckiest girl in the world to be marrying you. you are truly a catch...you're a keeper. i cannot wait until 2pm to marry you.

today will be one of the most beautiful days of our lives....

i love you....with all my heart and being....

8 days.....

man, i missed the 10th day blog....ah well. time really flies when things are in full swing. tomorrow my aunt comes in from germany....and there i think the wedding will become more real to me. right now, i am still in the....planning stages and not so much in the .... i'm getting married in a week stage. plans are definitely coming into motion.

tomorrow is also my bridal shower. i am not having a traditional bridal shower at all...its really casual. i wished to have one, but seeing as though, organization is a problem, that will not happen. but at least we will not be getting kicked out of anywhere.

though i must admit, we are having a bee problem in the household. yes, ladies and gents, you heard me right. we have bees swarming in the house....okay, not swarming, but dammit they're buzzing around. we are totally loss of how they are even getting into the house, so we are still figuring that part out. we are hoping that tomorrow will shed way more light on the situation so we can remedy it ....quickly.

next week tomorrow night is the eve of our wedding day. how exciting...my god, i have so many emotions running through me that i do not even know where to begin to describe them.

danny took me out for our last probably date night as an engaged couple. he finally took me to pf changs. i have never been before and he has always talked about talking me but never has until tonight. we had a great time....the wait was lengthy, but well worth it. the food was great. the bar tender treated us really well, gave danny a free beer and even wine to celebrate our wedding coming up. she was chill! we need to go back and get more shit out of her....

anyway, tonight, we are relaxing...ok trying to relax before the week starts. so here i end this...so i can get more things done so i can chill on the couch and relax....

till the next post....8 days and counting.....

12 Days....

the wedding is less than two weeks away. to be technical its close to something like 11 days and 12 hours or something, but that's just being technical. simplicity sake, its 12 days away. so what does this entail....

a busy two weeks. I have almost everyday booked with something i have to do after work, except for this friday and next monday, but i have a feeling that it will change here shortly. i might take advantage of friday to do some personal errands that need to get done and over with before the big day. monday...will most likely be last minute stuff that i can think of over the weekend. but from here on out i am booked solid. so if you wanna piece of me in the next two weeks, you better call me and reserve some time in my books..otherwise you'll be assed out until after the wedding. sorry folks, there's only one of me and hundreds of you.

ok so this wednesday i'm doing a make up trial to make sure what i want is what i get for the big day. i know make up does not matter to danny....since he always says so, but it matters to me. its my time to shine and look absolutely stunning. hell, i put a lot of fucking hard work into planning this shit, so damn it i'm gonna splruge a lot for beauty. its my way of patting myself on the back.

so much to do, so little time. our guests will start arriving this saturday, yes this saturday, my god thats like 4 days away....then the rest will start trickling in and the bulk of everyone will be here wednesday and thursday. i just hope i get to spend enough time with people i truly care about....like friends i invited and some family and dan's fam and my fam. chances are, i wont, but wishful thinking is always sounds good.

man, i'm getting tired thinking about the next two weeks....remember, friday night before the wedding...cucumbers on my eyes..need to look refreshed for the big day....no alcohol....ok just a little to calm the nerves....and we'll be good.

so 12 days and counting....continue to wish me luck...i am in desperate need of it.

14 days....

two weeks from today i will be a married woman.....or an honest woman as my bro said to me today. kinda weird how that hit me. i am two weeks away from the big day....and its slowly just now hitting me. the waves are in full motion and there's no time for wiping out now.

we met with the our pianist for the wedding ceremony this morning. we picked out some really cool songs for the ceremony. they all sound beautiful and graceful, both of which i hope the day mirrors. it took us all but 30 min to pick out the music. the pianist, i must say, is freaking crazy...okay okay...she's looney. but they say...the loonier the better...almost like geniuses i guess. her music area was in shambles, but the woman knew where almost everything was. though she was out of sorts...but i think that's normal for her. so one thing accomplishes today.

we then got shelves for the pantry we made here at our new home. it really provided a lot of storage space for us....all of which we need to maximize here. but i like the results. we made good use of the $180 daniel spent on it. was way too pricey...didnt think it'd cost that much...but it was money well used.

we then headed to costco on morena boulevard for some lunch and a book sign. note to self, never do that crap again. we waited for nearly an hour and a half for a freaking signature. the man could have had an hour devour waiting for us when we got up to him...seeing as though he was a cook n all... oh well. never doing that again. my hot dog was great. always have a thing for a good hot dog every now and again.

last errand of the day was to meet with the even coordinator at the museum. i havent felt so unprepared throughout the course of this wedding planning until tonite. i didnt have very many answers for the woman's questions. so here i begin my tirad of getting shit done. i even started doing the last of these bells that are left to fix. i think i have about 150 more to go. i need to buy some glue sticks for the glue gun i've got cause i'm almost out. how crappy is that. i think on the way to konos for breakfast, well actually on the way back from konos, dan and i will have to make a pit stop at staples here in our local neighborhood and buy some glue for the thing. i hope that tomorrow will be a very calming day with a lot of output for this wedding.

things to do still
make a schedule for the wedding party
make a schedule for the wedding
email photographer and tell her we need her for an extra hour
email dj and see what his requirements are
email darryl at ebs to make sure the bar is good to go
email sarah and start talking time and specifics with her
email melissa and keep her up to date
call florist and let her know she needs to be at museum at 2pm
start making seating chart
finish bells
start putting attendees gifts together

and a couple dozen more things that i know i'm forgetting but will remember in the middle of the night when all is silent and still.

well i better hit the sack before i end up shutting my eyes here at this keyboard. wish me luck in the next two weeks...better yet pray that i dont have a mental break down and wig out at the last minute. ok...need to go to church and start doing some serious praying....God help me!

two weeks and counting...............

Overwhelmed

16 days and counting down.....

until the big day....our wedding! it's fast approaching and the hours in the day just dont seem long enough. i have a mental list of everything i still need to do, and for some unfathomable reason, nothing on that list has been crossed off. change...life changes...and it continues to change and my poor little mind and body is having a hard time adjusting to such change right now. the 17th will be one of thee happiest days of my life...but everything leading up to it is quite overwhelming at this point. daniel has been and continues to provide all support he can give me in any way possible and i couldnt ask more from him. he has done a great job cheering me on. i just wish it'd be over already.

its quite funny....i read this in an article a few days ago...but the article states that a wedding is not for the bride or groom, its for the guests invited. i never really wanted to look at it that way, but on my drive home today after my last fitting of my gown, it hit me like a ton of bricks. and the sad part is....that statement is so totally true. its kinda depressing actually. the money danny is spending on this wedding is a nice chunk of change we can be placing on a down payment for a house or condo. it truly is and its quite disturbing. i know when danny reads this, he'll chuckle at himself ... and even mumble an i told you so ... or even say we'll she wanted a big wedding and here she is having one... and he's right.

i did want a big wedding. i wanted a huge fabulous wedding with everyone invited...and i know this is the biggest waste of money we'll ever do...but i know in the end it will all have been worth it. i know deep down everything will not go my way, and i'm having a hard time accepting that and probably wont openly admit that, but i'm okay with it. i know regardless of the unforeseen situation, the day will be absolutely beautiful. i'm nervous to meet the rest of the young/sams clan, but thats given. i just hope i'll be a nice addition to the young/sams clan.

the final touches are well underway... the wedding is two weekends from now....16 days. i know that the time will fly by so quickly. so fast i wont even know what hit me....but i have to take it in stride...not for my sake, but dan's sake too. he will probably see me at one of my worse stages in the coming 16 days, and i'm bound to lose some kinds of weight and turn quite a few black hairs to silver ones. but its all comes with the territory. by the end of the month, i will be a married woman. wow....

just breathe....remember to take one breath at a time.....breathe in and breathe out..everything is going to be fine.....

moved

we're finally moved in...for the most part at least. there are a few things here and there still at the old place that we need to round up and get out. but the main stuff and necessities are here. its definitely different driving home this way...its a lot farther that what i used to drive the past 2 years, thats for sure. but its good to know that i'm heading towards the shore when i'm going home. something about heading out this way that calms my senses...almost puts me at ease. i hope that one day, ease will come my way.

a lot happened this weekend. a lot of things that i purposely am neglecting to mention because i'm very disappointed in myself. the worse part is, i had a feeling something bad was going to happen. unfortunately them gut feelings were true. the day spiraled downward extremely fast....so fast i couldnt catch myself and just let loose. i spoke a lot of what was on my mind to several people. i almost spoke of many hurtful things that i wish i could take back but cannot. i learned a lot about several people in my life and where i stand with them and them with me. there's a disgust i have that i cannot even begin to describe...of which i will not. but i guarantee that my life is going to change because of it. the dynamic of bonds is definitely something worth revisiting in a later post, perhaps after the fact of ... what ever it is that's going to happen.

my results for my biopsy are still not discovered as of late. i think i know what my fate is with it, i just need to hear it from the doctor. how i'll deal with it, i'm not sure, but what ever decision i make will be both mine and of danny's. ... seeing as though we'll be one unit after the 17th of next month. so he has every say in what i do from here on out, he's actually had a lot of say in what i do for the past year and a half now. its the way life goes. sometimes, its easier to worry about other people and take care of them than yourself. its a lot easier to me. its what i'm good at.

my first fitting for my gown is this thursday. i'm excited but then i'm not. i havent lost the weight i've wanted to, but i've come to terms. ok i need to come to terms. this is how i look and its the bottom line. i can go balls out from now until next month, but i probably wont...unless something unforeseen happens. i just really need to learn to have faith in life. something i have not had in a while. i just need to be optimistic or be happy or something. but my pessimism is taking a toll on danny, and i'm sure if it continues i'll lose him too. here's to getting back on the right track. he asks me to have better days, and i try, i guess not hard enough. so here's to trying harder for better days.....

may the forces be with me.....

annoyed

i have to admit that i have never been as annoyed with people as i am now. The stress of the wedding and of moving has really made me realize how annoying people really are. A lot of it is directly related to the wedding. Some people just dont have common sense. Or rather, they are acting like 16 year olds. Ladies grow the fuck up. We're not teenagers any longer - we're fucking ADULTS in a real world. Act like a civilized human being. This drama you guys are creating for me really isnt good. I dont keep things very well inside and i am bound to go off on your asses and i'm getting really fucking close to doing it.

but in any case, the move is going. we're half way moved. this weekend we'll be living in our new place. i'm excited cause its a new place, but i'm also stressed out cause what comes with moving....the unpacking and figuring where you're gonna put all the stuff. the new place doesnt have a lot of storage space as this place. i will most definitely miss the abundance of cabinets in the kitchen and of course the pantry. if we ever buy a place of our own, it must have a pantry. its an absolute at this point.

we are a month and a week away from the wedding. not too much longer to go. we have everything in order i think. its just a matter of the day coming. i just need to get settled in at the new place so i can really crank out the loose ends for the wedding and really be done with it. the wedding saga continues.....next time.

beginnings

what has happened since the last entry....of easter? a lot i might add. dan and i have a place now...that we can call ours. we didnt buy. we're not ready to buy yet. but we are 2 miles away from the beach. how freaking awesome is that. dan has always wanted to live on the beach, this is as close as we are getting for now. maybe sometime in the future we can be just steps away. its a goal we are trying to move towards. but this place is ours.

this place is the first place we have moved in together. its not me moving in with him or he moving in with me...but we're moving into it together. and thats big for us. soon we'll be making it more homier. its slowly getting there. we've put up our privacy lining on the patios and i'll be painting the bathrooms...yep folks, custom colors on the bathroom. hell i might even paint the whole place by the end of the year. ok, reality check , when will i have time to do that? possible close to never. ahh...but the answer to that is...to make time. i'm not good at make nothing...so we'll see.

anyway, we've moved a little less than half our belongings to the place, and the rest of it will be moved this weekend. dan and the dudes are gonna use their mighty strong muscles they take hours strengthen each day at the gym and move all the heavy stuff. i think the best part of all this, is my big momma grill will be in use once again. and boy i cannot wait. seriously i cannot wait. i have longed for her for a while now. though i doubt dan will want to have many bbq's with friends over....but whose to tell these days. thats probably what i miss the most about having my own place - is the fact that i can invite anyone over just to shoot the shit and have some good eats. maybe dan will come around....my fingers are crossed.

anyway, another thing that is happening this weekend, is the bachelorette party. in all honesty, i'm not that excited about it. its like i'm pretending to be....its a motion i need to go through to get married...its the norm, what everyone does before the big day. so we'll see how this goes. i'll update up sometime next week on that.

anyway, i'm off to go watch the dan play some ball with the old men.....wish em luck....

Easter

easter again. the year is a quarter way behind us already. this easter, i spend alone...well technically with 3 dogs. the last time i spent easter alone was in 2005 when i was going through my divorce and didnt want to be around anyone. this time alone really gave me an opportunity to have flash backs from 2005 around this time of the year. i really need to busy myself more, but how can i when i've got three dogs to sit? but this time around, was unexpected. everyone left me to go off and be elsewhere having fun, which is fine to me. you just gotta deal with it, and no one ever said how to, so this is my way. boohoo to me. granted, dan is coming home today and jim, but the day by then might as well be over since its so late in the day already. by the time i get home with dan, i have to start laundry and cleaning house, so today will be a long day for me, one that i am not looking forward to.

so let me tell you all how my easter day started. it started with me awake until 3am. then at 430 ralph knocks on the door and announces that he's heading home. come 7am i find out dan's truck was hit on my driveway. seriously what the fuck! so of course, i have to call him. frantic and pissed off as i am, not mention that i'm hung over from last night, he thinks i'm pulling his leg. seriously, do you think i'm gonna call your ass and tell you that your truck has been hit as a joke. are you fucking kidding me? that pissed me off even more. so not only am i hung over, but i've been accused of pulling a shitty prank. c'mon give me a fucking break. as if the fucking weekend alone wasnt hard enough on me. then to accuse me...what balls you have. how am i supposed to be excited to see you when you accuse me of something so real? makes no sense to me, maybe you dont want me to be excited or happy. i dont know. maybe i'm just talking out of my ass cause i'm pissed off at the moment. i dont take well to such accusations. but then again, you dont take well to the shit i dish. so we're both at a loss on this, arent we? oh but dont worry, i've managed to get under your truck and zip tie that bitch in place until i can get it fixed for you. so dont you fret, it'll be taken care of. seeing as though this is my fault. life will eventually get better and things will get to being happy again...just not right now. its been a rough week and another one coming......can you deal?

you know lack of sleep wasnt no thing to me back in the day. but now it really fucks with my head and emotions. have you ever got to thinking and just kept thinking then started analyzing shit. i think some shrinks would psychoanalyze this as having a mild bout of depression accompanied by another bout of stress. well, thats what i've been doing this weekend, thinking and analyzing. and you know, it set me in a bad mood for this week and possibly the weeks to come, so beware... this bitch has a hot head. not to mention that i'll be ragging too. double fucking whamie for me. at this rate, aint nothing gonna bring my spirits up, so listen people, dont try. the worse part of all this, is that i have a busy week ahead of me too. i've got a lot going on at work this week, a few appointments to keep mid week, and figure out another time when i can take time off of work to go apply for a marriage license since march 31st the county clerks office is closed for cesar chavez day. great timing man! next week, i get to start off with a biopsy. i'm so excited! NOT! whamie after whamie....along with the daily grind.

come april, there will be a lot of things to do. i think all my weekends are devoted to this wedding, except for one. i hope that one weekend i can get away from everything and everyone and just relax without having to take care of any dogs, deal with any people, or deal with anything related to the wedding. i need to be alone on MY time. i really need to start taking mini getaways - whether it be with someone or alone. i cant keep grinding like this. its really taking a toll on me emotionally and with my character. i dont like the differences i've noticed in myself, but when you keep trudging away like i do, then you lose sight of who you are and what you're living for, then everything starts to be useless and nonsense to you. talk about an emotional roller coaster huh....there's just too much going, and too much to think about these days. i wonder when it'll ever slow down....

anyway....happy easter folks....enjoy the family and the sun....its what holidays are for!