easter again. the year is a quarter way behind us already. this easter, i spend alone...well technically with 3 dogs. the last time i spent easter alone was in 2005 when i was going through my divorce and didnt want to be around anyone. this time alone really gave me an opportunity to have flash backs from 2005 around this time of the year. i really need to busy myself more, but how can i when i've got three dogs to sit? but this time around, was unexpected. everyone left me to go off and be elsewhere having fun, which is fine to me. you just gotta deal with it, and no one ever said how to, so this is my way. boohoo to me. granted, dan is coming home today and jim, but the day by then might as well be over since its so late in the day already. by the time i get home with dan, i have to start laundry and cleaning house, so today will be a long day for me, one that i am not looking forward to.
so let me tell you all how my easter day started. it started with me awake until 3am. then at 430 ralph knocks on the door and announces that he's heading home. come 7am i find out dan's truck was hit on my driveway. seriously what the fuck! so of course, i have to call him. frantic and pissed off as i am, not mention that i'm hung over from last night, he thinks i'm pulling his leg. seriously, do you think i'm gonna call your ass and tell you that your truck has been hit as a joke. are you fucking kidding me? that pissed me off even more. so not only am i hung over, but i've been accused of pulling a shitty prank. c'mon give me a fucking break. as if the fucking weekend alone wasnt hard enough on me. then to accuse me...what balls you have. how am i supposed to be excited to see you when you accuse me of something so real? makes no sense to me, maybe you dont want me to be excited or happy. i dont know. maybe i'm just talking out of my ass cause i'm pissed off at the moment. i dont take well to such accusations. but then again, you dont take well to the shit i dish. so we're both at a loss on this, arent we? oh but dont worry, i've managed to get under your truck and zip tie that bitch in place until i can get it fixed for you. so dont you fret, it'll be taken care of. seeing as though this is my fault. life will eventually get better and things will get to being happy again...just not right now. its been a rough week and another one coming......can you deal?
you know lack of sleep wasnt no thing to me back in the day. but now it really fucks with my head and emotions. have you ever got to thinking and just kept thinking then started analyzing shit. i think some shrinks would psychoanalyze this as having a mild bout of depression accompanied by another bout of stress. well, thats what i've been doing this weekend, thinking and analyzing. and you know, it set me in a bad mood for this week and possibly the weeks to come, so beware... this bitch has a hot head. not to mention that i'll be ragging too. double fucking whamie for me. at this rate, aint nothing gonna bring my spirits up, so listen people, dont try. the worse part of all this, is that i have a busy week ahead of me too. i've got a lot going on at work this week, a few appointments to keep mid week, and figure out another time when i can take time off of work to go apply for a marriage license since march 31st the county clerks office is closed for cesar chavez day. great timing man! next week, i get to start off with a biopsy. i'm so excited! NOT! whamie after whamie....along with the daily grind.
come april, there will be a lot of things to do. i think all my weekends are devoted to this wedding, except for one. i hope that one weekend i can get away from everything and everyone and just relax without having to take care of any dogs, deal with any people, or deal with anything related to the wedding. i need to be alone on MY time. i really need to start taking mini getaways - whether it be with someone or alone. i cant keep grinding like this. its really taking a toll on me emotionally and with my character. i dont like the differences i've noticed in myself, but when you keep trudging away like i do, then you lose sight of who you are and what you're living for, then everything starts to be useless and nonsense to you. talk about an emotional roller coaster huh....there's just too much going, and too much to think about these days. i wonder when it'll ever slow down....
anyway....happy easter folks....enjoy the family and the sun....its what holidays are for!
