what'da ya know...another day gone. so fast. it seems as though i have done nothing today. although i have. i worked nearly 10 hours, drove to the valley to pick up my maid of honor's dress, stopped off at walmart to get some toiletries and arby's to get dinner for me and dan. soon i'll be folding clothes and writing out another handful of invites to mail out tomorrow. dang...and its already 9pm.
have you ever wondered why its necessary to work? i mean, its a circle or rather a cycle. people need to be assisted in everything they do. unless you live in the armpit of america and all youve got is a self sustaing farm or some shit like that. but needless to say, everything has to be manned by someone. there is no place we can go now a days without needing the help of someone else. take for instance...the grocery store. you think you're going there to help yourself, even if you're using the self check out, you're really not doing it solo. check this. the store had to be opened by someone. the food and other merchandise has to be stocked by someone. the self checkout has to be manned by someone. the carts and baskets have to be rallied up from time to time. so you see. your efforts in shopping for yourself or the fam, has really depended on a team of people to make your shopping efforts become successful. thank god we dont live in a society where we have to kill cows to get meat, or harvest the fields to get veggies or even slush around in the rice patties to get rice. to think about, i admire the pioneers a lot more now that i have put thought into it. where did this come from? i have no idea. but i feel sorry for all you out there reading that garbage that i just wrote in this paragraph here.
so i put some thought into life. where i'm at and where i thought i'd be right now. life is good. its as good as it can be right now. its been on a positive note now for the past 2 years. i never thought i'd be in the position i am now. i thought it would come a lot later in life, like when i'm in my mid thirties. though thats not very far away. i have a job. not a career as i suspected i would have by now, but i have a job. its okay paying and has the greatest benefits and perks. so i really cant be that. i've always wanted to work probation. but i dont think i'll succeed in that goal that i made for myself 3 years ago. reason being - its not good for married life or even one with a family. not this early at least. i'd like to be with my kids when and if i ever do have them. the kids thing is in question right now pending medical tests next month. my finances could definitely be better. i'm almost to being debt free, but not quite. i hope to be debt free by summer. granted with all this over time i'm putting in i hope to be debt free by the wedding if not sooner. i never thought i'd be getting married this soon, thats for sure. i thought it'd take me longer than this to even trust another man. i still have huge issues with trust. but am working on it with the help of might dan. my relationship with family could definitely be better, but we're all living our own separate lives often times forgetting who we are and where we came from. i wish my family was a little closer and tight knit, but that'll never happen unless hell freezes over. so chances are not likely. what a shame. i just need to take the time to take my little lucky stars. i'm in a better place than i have been in the past and life has been somewhat consistent lately which is good. i have my feet a little grounded but not quite. so to sum it up, life is good. . . and it keeps getting better. thanks dan!
ok...tis is all for now. had to get a blog in...and there you have it.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
schwoo
wow, has it really been a week since the last post...correction a week and a half. damn time flies when you're working. apparently i have been called out to post something on this here sight from none other than don yul. i miss you buddy! life just isnt the same without you. my work isnt as friendly as the depot was. i've got my nose to the grinder from the moment i walk clock in and log onto my computer to the moment i'm clocking out and logging off my computer. not to mention the overtime that is quote unquote mandatory. needless to say, i miss our chats and sushi runs every now and again. ay...when we gonna get together for some sushi? i hope you're going over to jasmins house for the sons bday this saturday, cause i'd sure like to see you again. hows that song coming along for the wedding? we need to touch bases...so when you get the time pencil me into your busy schedule, will ya!
anyway, the wedding is 81 days away courtesy of luthor.com. fuck thats really coming close. this saturday is already march. holy freaking tamales. in reality, i cant wait till this is all over. i really cant. the stress is so overwhelming at times...ok let me not lie to you here, its overwhelming period. Since the invitations have come in, i've managed to get 2 out in the mail. how pathetic is that? my own fucking fault. i'll get to it this weekend i hope. just need some nice extra cold beer to do it. i need to stop drinking beer to try and rid my tummy bulge. i've been working extra hard with my abs. i hope it pays off in the next month.
so this post has, like all my previous posts, been useless. the wedding plans are still coming along sssllllooooowwwwlllyyyy. dan is still trying to keep my head above the water, though i know its hard to do. he's really been putting up with a lot of my shit lately. i've caught myself breaking down into an emotional wreck in the past week or two...i only imagine that it'll get worse as may creeps nearer. so wish me luck with the emotions.
anyway, tis is all for now...i'll post again............later...............................................
anyway, the wedding is 81 days away courtesy of luthor.com. fuck thats really coming close. this saturday is already march. holy freaking tamales. in reality, i cant wait till this is all over. i really cant. the stress is so overwhelming at times...ok let me not lie to you here, its overwhelming period. Since the invitations have come in, i've managed to get 2 out in the mail. how pathetic is that? my own fucking fault. i'll get to it this weekend i hope. just need some nice extra cold beer to do it. i need to stop drinking beer to try and rid my tummy bulge. i've been working extra hard with my abs. i hope it pays off in the next month.
so this post has, like all my previous posts, been useless. the wedding plans are still coming along sssllllooooowwwwlllyyyy. dan is still trying to keep my head above the water, though i know its hard to do. he's really been putting up with a lot of my shit lately. i've caught myself breaking down into an emotional wreck in the past week or two...i only imagine that it'll get worse as may creeps nearer. so wish me luck with the emotions.
anyway, tis is all for now...i'll post again............later...............................................
Friday, February 15, 2008
relief
friday has come at last! but not just any friday....its a friday where i actually got off at 5pm. i chose not to stay for over time....reason being...i dont have to work tomorrow. so that means that i dont have to be up early tomorrow. so tonite...after my annual va ja ja exam....i am off to celebrate friday. its been a long long time since i've been able to go out on a friday night. i know dan wanted to stay home tonite and be mellow and just chill...but i feel like having some fun out in ob. and since today is friday and i cant eat meat on fridays due to lent, i am limited to what i can eat. what better place to go that southbeach for some damn good fish tacos. besides, dan and i havent been to southbeach since like december. we're long over due. so today has a true meaning behind...TGIF!!!
honestly, thank god its friday....i am worn the fuck down...i need this small breather...small, but desperately needed. watch out you ob freaks...here i come...
cant wait to have that beer in my hand, and that fish taco in my tummy....
honestly, thank god its friday....i am worn the fuck down...i need this small breather...small, but desperately needed. watch out you ob freaks...here i come...
cant wait to have that beer in my hand, and that fish taco in my tummy....
Monday, February 11, 2008
last
tonight is our last night of precana....THANK GOD! i never thought i would survive to see this day. i truly hope tonite will be a short one...i hope most the time is used to fill out papers and stuff. how bad can it be?
dan and i endured the religious stuff...him more so than i. kinda weird cause he's not catholic and i am. great going danny! thanks for going through all these damn hoops to get married. i hope in the end you will find it worth it. i love you!
no more precana woohooo! monday night workouts are finally back! i'm so excited.
dan and i endured the religious stuff...him more so than i. kinda weird cause he's not catholic and i am. great going danny! thanks for going through all these damn hoops to get married. i hope in the end you will find it worth it. i love you!
no more precana woohooo! monday night workouts are finally back! i'm so excited.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
lazy
today has by far been the laziest day i have had since quitting home depot. i finally slept in today...its been weeks since i've been able to do that. though, i think the extra zzz's has caused me an annoying headache that has lasted all day. it hasnt been cured by the tylenol i've been taking, so hopefully more sleep tonite will kick it.
tomorrow is our last precana night. i'm so excited. i can honestly say that i have not learned jack crap about catholicism. everything that was mentioned in these past 5 weeks have been things that i have already known. the main thing that the host couple reiterated is that catholics are imfamouse for making babies...procreating is one of the main goals God has given us to do on this earth. so tomorrow we receive our diploma for enduring such a rediculous prerequisite in getting married in a catholic church. next on the religious to-do-list is meet the padre so he can tell what needs to be done prior to the actual wedding day.
this week...what are the plans. none really. i dont think we'll be going out for valentine's day. we will probably just spend it at home watching some tv. this weekend...we have dinner lined up for dad's 74th birthday. i might even take mom out to go dress shopping for the wedding. that's about it. i have yet to decide if i will do my religious duty in going to the prayer group this sunday. chances are more than likely that way next weekend is saved for our 2 year anniversary.
i dont have much else to jibber jabber about, so tis all for now...
tomorrow is our last precana night. i'm so excited. i can honestly say that i have not learned jack crap about catholicism. everything that was mentioned in these past 5 weeks have been things that i have already known. the main thing that the host couple reiterated is that catholics are imfamouse for making babies...procreating is one of the main goals God has given us to do on this earth. so tomorrow we receive our diploma for enduring such a rediculous prerequisite in getting married in a catholic church. next on the religious to-do-list is meet the padre so he can tell what needs to be done prior to the actual wedding day.
this week...what are the plans. none really. i dont think we'll be going out for valentine's day. we will probably just spend it at home watching some tv. this weekend...we have dinner lined up for dad's 74th birthday. i might even take mom out to go dress shopping for the wedding. that's about it. i have yet to decide if i will do my religious duty in going to the prayer group this sunday. chances are more than likely that way next weekend is saved for our 2 year anniversary.
i dont have much else to jibber jabber about, so tis all for now...
Saturday, February 9, 2008
102:51
102 hours and 51 minutes is what i will be paid for this friday. thats a lot of hours. 22 hours of overtime. i dont know how i did it. its quite a small number compared to the hardcore people at my work that are putting in 11.5 hours a day and working 6 hours on saturday. they're checks are like little mini bonuses. i have tried for the past 2 weeks now to put in 2 hours of overtime a day, but it just never happens. i wake up on time, but i never leave on time. i think its because i dread a long day infront of the computer doing the same shit...ok not really...its really because i dont know what my fate is at this job. i dont know if i have landed a permanent position or not or if they're just keeping me for my probation months just to get their work done...being that they are 8000 cases behind. i've been putting out 600 cases a week...not even making a dent in it. worse thing is, the 8000 cases never goes down, we get more cases day in and day out and it just accumulates...so the work is never ending. it really is. this is the busy part of the season they say, i can only imagine what slow season is...gossip and potlucks...no wonder a lot of those long timers are a little on the heavy side. i have promised myself that i will not get like that. i am making a conscious effort to make it to the gym almost everyday. i know things will really come into place and get a little more routine when the wedding is done and over with....oh and when overtime is over in april...or may. it'll be nice to really get back into the swing of things and have it be normal for a little while before the stress piles back on in the latter part of the year.
my shoe effort with my girls has made a little progress. i have 4 shoes taken care of...2 more to go and i hope that it was taken care of today. i have yet to get an update, but i really hope it was taken care of. the money for the bells were finally sent out today. so now its just a matter of time before we get them. the invitation are well on their way to us, sometime this week or next week they should be here. lets see whats left...programs, cake topper, bridal party gifts, my veil, my shoes, and i think that might be it, but am not totally sure. the list is slowly shortening. ha isnt that funny. very small things to do, yet so much stress over them. why is that...lets give it a spin here...
things take time to come in is my main worry. i'm afraid that if i dont order it in time they wont come in on time and if they do then i fear that it is not defective. i worry about it because its still on that damn to-do list. ideally everything should have been done by now and its not, so thats a stress in itself it seems. help...what help? i dont have any help it seems. and the help i do have, usually talks back, rolls their eyes, tilt their heads as if its an inconvenience. NEWS FLASH: this whole wedding planning process has been and will probably be a HUGE INCONVENIENCE TO ME up until the day before the wedding if not the wedding day. so what i'm asking you to do is quite minor to all the things i have done. this has definately not been a group effort, as expected it to be. which really disappoints me and pisses me off to high hell. i have really learned a lot about the people i have in my life...and i know now not to rely on them so much...they have proven they incapabilities to me....my heart breaks...but what can i do? i just need to suck it up and look to a different day in hopes its better than the last.
in the end, i'll know that my hardwork has paid off somehow. i'll know that the stresses i have experienced and endured in the past 12+ months will diminish at the end of the wedding day. the ooh and aaahs i hear from those in the crowd will be directed to me in a personal way. but truly, the only thing that really does matter is that i show up, dan shows up, i say i do, dan says i do and we sign the certificate. its really all the wedding is about. everything else is just fluff...and its so sad to know that the fluff stressed me out.
i have this incredibly indescrible feeling i have within myself...that i've had for the past 2 weeks. and i can describe it any better than my sister-in-law leslie described it. i had apologized to her for sounding bitchy and rude when i'd called her asking about my niece's dress. she said, no feelings hurt or offense taken...i just sounded like a person planning a wedding and starting a career. and you know, by goly darn it, she is right. those two things have really taken over my life the past few weeks. seriously taken over my life. its quite sad actually.
today was a relaxing day...somewhat. i had worked from 6am-1030am then dealt with wedding party shoes. but afterwards dan i a brought the fury weiner to the beach and let him roam among the other fury 4 legged things out there. it was nice. we sat on the beach, people and dog watched. we sat in the sun, on the sandy beach and just relaxed. i really needed it. it felt damn good. the afternoon consisted of nothing but laying around, falling asleep, watching movies. now here i am posting this blog and taking care of minor things for the wedding. nothing stressful. tomorrow i hope to catch up on some much needed sleeping in.
monday is our last day of precana...THANK GOD!!! i cannot wait. i can have my monday workouts back....and my routine becomes a little more normal. I need normal in my life soon...i havent had normal since....i cant remember. the next big thing aside from the wedding that will stress me out is the move. yes, we are moving. this is the longest i have probably lived anywhere since 2001. quite sad. it felt good knowing i had a somewhat permanent home for a while. come april, we will move....hopefully to OB if not UTC. that transition will probably last a few years...i dont see us buying a house here anytime in the near future or ever. buying a house in san diego is impossible these days. our combined income only makes the picture look worse. the disappointing fact is that there are hundreds upon hundreds of people in the same shoes we are in. i have hope that maybe one day we'll get a house, and if not, then its ok. i'll be ok with not being a home owner. i realize things never work out how you plan them to, they never do. you just have to roll with the punches.
anyway, this blog is done. i'm gonna set my ass on the couch and get some relaxing in.
my shoe effort with my girls has made a little progress. i have 4 shoes taken care of...2 more to go and i hope that it was taken care of today. i have yet to get an update, but i really hope it was taken care of. the money for the bells were finally sent out today. so now its just a matter of time before we get them. the invitation are well on their way to us, sometime this week or next week they should be here. lets see whats left...programs, cake topper, bridal party gifts, my veil, my shoes, and i think that might be it, but am not totally sure. the list is slowly shortening. ha isnt that funny. very small things to do, yet so much stress over them. why is that...lets give it a spin here...
things take time to come in is my main worry. i'm afraid that if i dont order it in time they wont come in on time and if they do then i fear that it is not defective. i worry about it because its still on that damn to-do list. ideally everything should have been done by now and its not, so thats a stress in itself it seems. help...what help? i dont have any help it seems. and the help i do have, usually talks back, rolls their eyes, tilt their heads as if its an inconvenience. NEWS FLASH: this whole wedding planning process has been and will probably be a HUGE INCONVENIENCE TO ME up until the day before the wedding if not the wedding day. so what i'm asking you to do is quite minor to all the things i have done. this has definately not been a group effort, as expected it to be. which really disappoints me and pisses me off to high hell. i have really learned a lot about the people i have in my life...and i know now not to rely on them so much...they have proven they incapabilities to me....my heart breaks...but what can i do? i just need to suck it up and look to a different day in hopes its better than the last.
in the end, i'll know that my hardwork has paid off somehow. i'll know that the stresses i have experienced and endured in the past 12+ months will diminish at the end of the wedding day. the ooh and aaahs i hear from those in the crowd will be directed to me in a personal way. but truly, the only thing that really does matter is that i show up, dan shows up, i say i do, dan says i do and we sign the certificate. its really all the wedding is about. everything else is just fluff...and its so sad to know that the fluff stressed me out.
i have this incredibly indescrible feeling i have within myself...that i've had for the past 2 weeks. and i can describe it any better than my sister-in-law leslie described it. i had apologized to her for sounding bitchy and rude when i'd called her asking about my niece's dress. she said, no feelings hurt or offense taken...i just sounded like a person planning a wedding and starting a career. and you know, by goly darn it, she is right. those two things have really taken over my life the past few weeks. seriously taken over my life. its quite sad actually.
today was a relaxing day...somewhat. i had worked from 6am-1030am then dealt with wedding party shoes. but afterwards dan i a brought the fury weiner to the beach and let him roam among the other fury 4 legged things out there. it was nice. we sat on the beach, people and dog watched. we sat in the sun, on the sandy beach and just relaxed. i really needed it. it felt damn good. the afternoon consisted of nothing but laying around, falling asleep, watching movies. now here i am posting this blog and taking care of minor things for the wedding. nothing stressful. tomorrow i hope to catch up on some much needed sleeping in.
monday is our last day of precana...THANK GOD!!! i cannot wait. i can have my monday workouts back....and my routine becomes a little more normal. I need normal in my life soon...i havent had normal since....i cant remember. the next big thing aside from the wedding that will stress me out is the move. yes, we are moving. this is the longest i have probably lived anywhere since 2001. quite sad. it felt good knowing i had a somewhat permanent home for a while. come april, we will move....hopefully to OB if not UTC. that transition will probably last a few years...i dont see us buying a house here anytime in the near future or ever. buying a house in san diego is impossible these days. our combined income only makes the picture look worse. the disappointing fact is that there are hundreds upon hundreds of people in the same shoes we are in. i have hope that maybe one day we'll get a house, and if not, then its ok. i'll be ok with not being a home owner. i realize things never work out how you plan them to, they never do. you just have to roll with the punches.
anyway, this blog is done. i'm gonna set my ass on the couch and get some relaxing in.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
frustrated
ever get that feeling where you feel like you just aint getting something? ever wonder if you'll ever get it? ever wonder if it'll be the one thing that holds you down?
well, i have all those feelings. monday i learned a new thing at work...federal COBRA. the process of enrollment is quite tricky. the room for errors are extremely large and it can cost you your job if done incorrectly. hence the reason why i'm having such a hard time getting it. i also think that it has a lot to do with training, rather a lack of training in my case. i was exposed to the concept for a mere 2 hours. i was forced to start working them the next day...63 assigned to me a day. maybe the training team has the notion that total immersion works. well, maybe it does, but why give us live folders? why not have dummy folders so there's a way to track our progress or lack there of.
i went from being a mass producer of folders (150-200) a day to a depressing 85. how shitty is that. i feel i have no confidence in what i am doing right now. everyone tells me it takes time to get it, to stick in there and to just push through. trust when i say that i am...BUT and yes there's always a but with me. but i already have a couple negative slashes on my side. i have attendance issues that are not entirely my fault. actually i was written up quite unfairly, but whatever, i'm trying to put that behind me and just trudge throw this mud for the next 5 months of probation. just maybe, just hopefully, i will still have a job at the end of my probation. i have been working over time for the past 2 weeks now...putting in well over 50 hours a week. dont get me wrong the pay will be nice...up until april, but seriously it really cuts into my personal time. it doesnt allow me sufficient rest. but i have to make up for what i've done wrong, in hopes that they'll see my hard work and dedication to coming in early and staying late and coming in on saturdays, for redemption - and just maybe this sacrifice will pay off and earn me a permanent seat with my job.
i'm not even sure i want to stay at this job, but experience is what i need, and its what i'm getting here. i can move to different areas should i chose to in 18 months, well, if i'm there in 18 months. there's that catch and scratches at the back of my head every day. i really wanted to do right with this new job...i really did. here i done screwed up my reputation with management. dan says i'm too hard on myself that i take my job personally. well, he's right. but to a point i need to, because its my character. its who i am. its what i do. its a way to better myself all around. he's tired of hearing it from me. this is where working out comes into play. its where i can let out that aggresion, the frustration, the self pity and soothe my doubts. its almost a type of therapy mentally and physically, not to mention that i want to lose 20 more pounds before the wedding. i've already lost 10...20 more to go...if not 20 then i'll settle for 10. i know it'll all come back when i get pregnant anyway, but the idea is to remain toned. ha we'll see how that goes...dan'll have to get used to taking walks around the block with me during the evenings aside from working out after work. maybe my kid will come out with a six pack and toned biceps...ha not likely...that would be kinda gross actually.
anyway, i better hop in the shower and clean up for bed...my head is longing for my pillow...another day gone...same routine tomorrow...work 10 hours, workout, come home, sleep and then all over again. maybe i wont be so frustrated tomorrow...i have to come to grips that eventually i'll get what it is that i am learning that they expect me to master for my job...i hope i can start fresh tomorrow...oh wait i cant, cause i have pended folders left over from today...there goes that dash of hope...damn...
good nite
yours truly
-ms frustrated.
well, i have all those feelings. monday i learned a new thing at work...federal COBRA. the process of enrollment is quite tricky. the room for errors are extremely large and it can cost you your job if done incorrectly. hence the reason why i'm having such a hard time getting it. i also think that it has a lot to do with training, rather a lack of training in my case. i was exposed to the concept for a mere 2 hours. i was forced to start working them the next day...63 assigned to me a day. maybe the training team has the notion that total immersion works. well, maybe it does, but why give us live folders? why not have dummy folders so there's a way to track our progress or lack there of.
i went from being a mass producer of folders (150-200) a day to a depressing 85. how shitty is that. i feel i have no confidence in what i am doing right now. everyone tells me it takes time to get it, to stick in there and to just push through. trust when i say that i am...BUT and yes there's always a but with me. but i already have a couple negative slashes on my side. i have attendance issues that are not entirely my fault. actually i was written up quite unfairly, but whatever, i'm trying to put that behind me and just trudge throw this mud for the next 5 months of probation. just maybe, just hopefully, i will still have a job at the end of my probation. i have been working over time for the past 2 weeks now...putting in well over 50 hours a week. dont get me wrong the pay will be nice...up until april, but seriously it really cuts into my personal time. it doesnt allow me sufficient rest. but i have to make up for what i've done wrong, in hopes that they'll see my hard work and dedication to coming in early and staying late and coming in on saturdays, for redemption - and just maybe this sacrifice will pay off and earn me a permanent seat with my job.
i'm not even sure i want to stay at this job, but experience is what i need, and its what i'm getting here. i can move to different areas should i chose to in 18 months, well, if i'm there in 18 months. there's that catch and scratches at the back of my head every day. i really wanted to do right with this new job...i really did. here i done screwed up my reputation with management. dan says i'm too hard on myself that i take my job personally. well, he's right. but to a point i need to, because its my character. its who i am. its what i do. its a way to better myself all around. he's tired of hearing it from me. this is where working out comes into play. its where i can let out that aggresion, the frustration, the self pity and soothe my doubts. its almost a type of therapy mentally and physically, not to mention that i want to lose 20 more pounds before the wedding. i've already lost 10...20 more to go...if not 20 then i'll settle for 10. i know it'll all come back when i get pregnant anyway, but the idea is to remain toned. ha we'll see how that goes...dan'll have to get used to taking walks around the block with me during the evenings aside from working out after work. maybe my kid will come out with a six pack and toned biceps...ha not likely...that would be kinda gross actually.
anyway, i better hop in the shower and clean up for bed...my head is longing for my pillow...another day gone...same routine tomorrow...work 10 hours, workout, come home, sleep and then all over again. maybe i wont be so frustrated tomorrow...i have to come to grips that eventually i'll get what it is that i am learning that they expect me to master for my job...i hope i can start fresh tomorrow...oh wait i cant, cause i have pended folders left over from today...there goes that dash of hope...damn...
good nite
yours truly
-ms frustrated.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
unreliable
I never knew what to expect with planning a wedding. i knew it would be stressful AT times and that eventually things would come together. I always had a warm fuzzy feeling that people would come together to help plan it, to help make the day perfect - more specifically your closest friends and family. why is that so not the case for my wedding. it seems like i am pulling teeth to get my friends to even cooperate. i have one friend that i can truly count on for the wedding and she has truly stepped up to the plate to get things done. she really has made a difference in my stress level. but the others...what the hell is wrong with you guys? i know you have your own individual lives to live, well newsflash to ya'll I DO TOO! so far, janice and i have been going to the extreme by buying people's shoes for them and taking them to their works to have them try it on. must i really have to do this? apparently so...especially for my bridesmaids. personally i think it is rediculous, but they dont understand time frames here. shoes come and go, people have the same shoe size as everyone else, so NO your size aint gonna be there in a week, hell the damn shoe might not even be there in a week.
i am at a point where i am beginning to realize that may is just around the corner...and i feel like i have so much to do. i dont feel like it, i know there is so much to do. i'd really have liked if all this were already done. but, its not. but whatever, its what danny says, it'll all fall into place and if doesnt then we'll deal with it when the time comes. but to relax and let things be is kinda out of the question for me. i just dont see me relaxing until may 18. i'd really like to set up a massage spa day with a few of my girls the day before the wedding. i really wish i can. maybe i'll just go with those that deserve to get pampered.
you know what i desparately need right now. a vacation...a little mini getaway. actually i need sleep. working 50 plus hours a week with only sunday off and planning this wedding has really consumed my life. i'm barely even hitting the gym every day. i need to go cause i need to lose this damn weight before the wedding...actually i need to flatten my stomach and tone my arms before the wedding, everything else is going to be hidden so i dont care for it....yet.
anyway, its 918pm and i am beat. i can literally fall asleep at my laptop right now. i feel like i have been running on fumes for the past week. i just feel out of it. i've caught myself almost making a left turn onto the wrong side of the street. how awful is that...i just have lack of sleeep i think...i catch myself not doing things, like locking my car, shutting the garage door..shit like that. eh, its life right. i'm dealing with it the best way i know how.
i just know that i have danny to come home to and an excited weiner. ... the dog LUTHOR. its always nice coming home to them cause they're excited to see me. it makes the day 10 times better than it was before i walked through the door. i have to give it to danny, he has put with a a lot of shit from me. this wedding has really gotten the best of me and he's seen me at my worse..and he has still managed to stay in love with me. he's a very supportive dude. i like that. he really has me grounded. i know i have a nice safe loving place to come home to and someone i can talk to about almost everything.
ok...seriously, i need to get to bed before i fall asleep. toodles looos...
i am at a point where i am beginning to realize that may is just around the corner...and i feel like i have so much to do. i dont feel like it, i know there is so much to do. i'd really have liked if all this were already done. but, its not. but whatever, its what danny says, it'll all fall into place and if doesnt then we'll deal with it when the time comes. but to relax and let things be is kinda out of the question for me. i just dont see me relaxing until may 18. i'd really like to set up a massage spa day with a few of my girls the day before the wedding. i really wish i can. maybe i'll just go with those that deserve to get pampered.
you know what i desparately need right now. a vacation...a little mini getaway. actually i need sleep. working 50 plus hours a week with only sunday off and planning this wedding has really consumed my life. i'm barely even hitting the gym every day. i need to go cause i need to lose this damn weight before the wedding...actually i need to flatten my stomach and tone my arms before the wedding, everything else is going to be hidden so i dont care for it....yet.
anyway, its 918pm and i am beat. i can literally fall asleep at my laptop right now. i feel like i have been running on fumes for the past week. i just feel out of it. i've caught myself almost making a left turn onto the wrong side of the street. how awful is that...i just have lack of sleeep i think...i catch myself not doing things, like locking my car, shutting the garage door..shit like that. eh, its life right. i'm dealing with it the best way i know how.
i just know that i have danny to come home to and an excited weiner. ... the dog LUTHOR. its always nice coming home to them cause they're excited to see me. it makes the day 10 times better than it was before i walked through the door. i have to give it to danny, he has put with a a lot of shit from me. this wedding has really gotten the best of me and he's seen me at my worse..and he has still managed to stay in love with me. he's a very supportive dude. i like that. he really has me grounded. i know i have a nice safe loving place to come home to and someone i can talk to about almost everything.
ok...seriously, i need to get to bed before i fall asleep. toodles looos...
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