burnt

so here i sit, about 40 min to go before i am back out on the road needing to be somewhere. tonite its daniels bball night with the guys. being a great fiancee that i try to be, i try to go to every game for moral support. they're good players, but can be random too.

last night put us over the hump for our precana classes. just two more to go. i cant wait till this thing is finished. i really cant. it has gotten really repetitive and meaningless to me. i am at the point where i am just going with the motions. its so ridiculous that its not funny anymore. and the homework they give...are you serious...its almost a joke...ok it is a joke. these classes are so geared towards kids that have just gotten out of high school, those who dont have a lot of life experience under their belts.

work...man...its almost killing me. i feel like i am starting to live in my cube. i am there 6 days a week. i work a lil over 50 hours a week and probably will continue at this pace until april...as suggested in our last meeting. we were forewarned in the last meeting that all probationers and newbies have to work overtime if they plan on working there next year. so basically i am an overtime bitch for the next god knows how long. but whatever, i need this job. it has damn good benefits and in a weird way they take care of their employees. but its a job that is definitely worth keeping. as much as i am bitching about it now, its cake. it really is and to get paid to do what i do is amazing almost. though it gets boring after 2 hours, good thing i can listen to tunes while i work...its what keeps me paced

this week by far will be one of the busiest weeks ever for me. i have something planned to do after work everyday of this week...that includes the weekends. if i keep going at this pace, with planning the wedding and living life..my ass will be burned out before the wedding. sad part is that i dont even get a break....no honeymoon this year. who knows when we'll be able to take it or if we'll take it at all...it may be something that falls in the cracks as time passes. this wedding has gotten to be not what i expected. i thought i'd be thrilled about it all, but i'm so the opposite. i am waiting for sunday the 18th more than i am the 17th, just so i can breathe a little easier with all the stress off my shoulders. its a whatever for me now....i presume it'll be that way till the day i get married... but then again i cant speak in definitive tones, cause things change...its just the way life is now a days.

on a happier note...the invitations, the ring and coin pillows, the flower girl baskets and our giveaways are ordered. thank heavens!!! now all i have to worry about is the programs, the place cards, the numbers for the tables, and gifts for my girls. oh and i still have to buy a veil, not to mention the rope and other veil. so many little things that i know that i am forgetting. so many...i'm gonna lose my mind here shortly.

well, its almost that time to hit the road and see my honey play some ball.

30 days

It is nearly one month since the last post....last year! I never did get around to blogging about christmas. i've just been too busy i guess. there have been a lot of changes in my life and unexpected trials and tribulations also.

my new year began as a very busy one and each week has had a tie to the wedding. the first weekend....danny and i had to attend a seminar on nfp. what is nfp, you ask. It is natural family planning. Its birth control for the hard core catholics out there. unfortunately, i am not a hard core catholic, and i simply rely on the method of birth control pills. But you see, i have never had the notion of being a hard core catholic...even growing up i strayed away from the morals of Catholicism. i know i was definitely going to hell when i lost my virginity back in freshman year of high school. those days seem to almost be a distant past for me now. my niece is a freshman in high school right now...playing basketball as i once did. she's following my footsteps in academics and sports...i just hope she doesnt go off fucking the whole student body by her senior year. i know she has morals...better ones than i had when i was that young.

back to the wedding stuff...so every monday at 7pm since january 7 and up to february 11 - dan and i have been attending evenings for the engaged. these evenings have typically lasted up to 2 hours...in that 2 hours we talk about all kinds of stuff. these evenings for the engaged are supposed to help us self reflect and apply it to our future. in a sense, its supposed to get us ready for the future. i must tell you, the topics are pretty ridiculous. I mean, if you havent talked about some of these topics they bring up then i think you dont have any business getting married to begin with. Thus far, we have talked about characteristics we both like in each other and about each other; characteristics of our family - from how they handled differences to how they handle each other; we've done an exercise on listening and telling; to telling the whole group how we met and why we decided to move in with each other. a lot of the questions are actually quite personal to a degree...its definitely not something i would bring up to a stranger to strike a conversation out of boredom. but whatever, the pope is making us go through this 6 nights of weirdness to just get married in the church. i think danny is dealing with it a lot better than i am. i guess, in all reality, i hate doing things that i am told to do. big reason why i never went into the military. so once these 6 weeks are over, we get a little certificate saying that we're compatible and have talked about just everything that may break us a part. but its fair to say that its a learning experience and i'm really not all that opposed to it. i just think its whack that it is mandatory to attend to get married in a church....well st john of the cross to be exact. after we complete this, we have to talk to a priest about differences we managed to score on a questionnaire they made us take. that'll be interesting.

every tuesday night dan has a basketball game. him and the rest of eazy livin get together and try to kick some young'n ass. its kinda funny sometimes. i guess its fair to say that ya'll aint got nothing on white old people! they do pretty good...for being over 30 and peaking to 40.

work...oh my...where do i ever begin about that place. Lets just say i'm fighting to make my place in that world. i just need to stick to my guns and work with my nose to the grinder. being a newbee sucks. i just need to stay positive. gotta stay positive.

the wedding is definitely closing in...and fast. i seem like i have so much to do with no time to do it or help for that matter. this wedding has definitely stressed me out to my max lately and i know its only going to get worse. i've even gotten to the point where i cant sleep at night cause i've got all kinds of things associated with the wedding running through my mind. its horrible. i know it shouldnt be like this. my right hand lady...lives in michigan and cant do shit from where she is at. my mom is A LOT of talk and no action. my bridesmaids are there but not there. i just dont have anyone i feel i can turn to and trust to take care of any of this stuff. janice is the only one who has stepped to the plate and taken charge of something and greatly appreciate it. my other girls are lost in the sauce of the corporate world and are consumed by things that are far more important than my wedding. ha what a joke, huh! i just cant wait till this fiasco is over. i really cant wait...i cant wait for the morning where i can wake up and not have to stress about this wedding. i really cant wait. the wedding itself...doesnt seem exciting to me anymore...its the morning after the wedding where i can finally breathe and be free excites me more. how pathetic is that?

can you believe there are so many little girls in the world that look forward to their wedding day? millions...and they have no idea what it entails....unless you can afford a wedding planner and can sit back and let them do all the bitch work for you....then that would be great. but for the working class like me....those things just arent worth it for the money. how sad is that. my kids are getting married in vegas...i aint going through this shit again.

so there...that's whats happened in the past 30 days....anyone wanna walk in my shoes?

Christmas

christmas has come again. this year the family is doing something different. we've managed to go to church on our own times this year. danny and i, attended midnight mass at Good Shepherd in Mira Mesa. Its been a long while since the last time that i've been to mass. every year prior to this, i was always one of the members of church sitting in a pew listening to the priest say wow, we have a full house tonite....if only every sunday was like this, but unfortunately the only time we have huge crowds like these are during christmas and easter. as much as i dont want to admit it, i was one of those people this year. i cant promise that next year it'll be different cause i dont like to make promises that i cannot keep. this year was a busy year for me and i never seemed to want to make time for church. not a good thing at all. i grew up going to church, and here i am on my own and have been out of my parents house now for the past 7 and a half years...and i cant seem to get myself together and attend church. its a small sacrifice. an hour once a week, and i failed to do it this year. tis tis on me.

the game plan for today is to head over to moms house and bbq some of my famous ribs. i take pride in them, cause they are scrumptious. my brother ralph is cooking a 12 pound prime rib and dad is cooking some kind of potato dish. last i head it was hash browns, but that cant be right. the pie just finished cooking in my oven and is ready to go over to moms. i'm preparing my ribs for bbqing here before i bring em over. paul will probably bring something over also, not sure what. jim, well, he's lazy and probably wont contribute jack shit but complaints. there's always a scrooge in every family. some where in the mix, we'll exchange gifts so the kids will have some kind of christmas this year. we arent the traditional family when it comes to the holidays. we never have been. my parents dont even have a tree up...its been maybe 10 years now that they dont put up a tree, but at least they have lights up outside.

sometimes i wish we were more traditional with celebrating christmas. i guess i'll have to live that out when i have kids. the whole christmas carols around the fireplace drinking hot cocoa and doctored egg nog. i definitely want to make a big deal about decorating the tree and putting up lights. its hard to now cause its just me and danny. maybe when we get a bigger place we can have a christmas eve party of even just a christmas party so we can have friends over and just enjoy the holidays. i've always wanted to host a christmas party of some sort cause they're always fun. one year it'll happen....

stay tuned for tonites post....maybe it'll happen tomorrow...

27

gaining another year under my belt, i have turned 27 years old. as i think back about reminisce about the past 26 years of my life, i can honestly say that i have been through hell and back again in the past 6 years of my life. but nows not the time to dwell on those things because i have learned and moved on. i live a beautiful life with many opportunities. often times i take for granted what i have. i can honestly say that i do....cause i know there are many people out there that would like to walk in my shoes.

in the past 2 years alone...i have really made a difference in my life. i graduated from college. having been rejected by so many employers because of lack of job experience, i decided to start my work experience at home depot. they were actually the only company that wanted to hire me at the time and i took advantage of it. i stayed there for 1 year and 3 and a half months. it definitely is not the best job out there. BUT, i did gain some valuable work experience, and gosh darn it, i think customer service is a great experience to have...especially in our society. last month i was presented with an opportunity that seemed, at the time, too good to be true. but what the hell, i thought, i may as well see where it takes me...i didnt have anything to lose. i really didnt want to start a new job until after the wedding just so that i have my vacation time in place for the honeymoon.

low and behold, 1 week after submitting my resume i was called back. i couldnt even begin to tell you how excited i was when the person on the other line said they were from kaiser. my heart nearly skipped a beat. it took nearly 3-4 weeks before i was actually hired. a process, from what i was told, that would nearly take 2-3 months. i really got lucky with this one. i have to admit, the work is boring but i got to tell you, i love my job...right now at least. i dont know of a job that is more laid back than this. this company really takes care of its employees and has awesome benefits. this is probably one of the best things that has happened to me this year.

anyway, the holiday season is definitely here. i almost almost done with my christmas shopping. i always tend to be one of those last minute shoppers. but i am happy to admit that i did not have to go to the mall this year for christmas gifts. i did a lot of christmas shopping online and i have resorted to just giving gift cards away, and those are always convenient to buy now at the local grocery stores. conveniences, gotta love it.

having chosen to quit home depot, i finally went back into the store today to buy something. it was nice to see everyone i worked with. to know that many of those people were happy to see me - made me feel good. i have definitely made some friends there. note to buddy...when am i gonna get a copy of those photos that we took when we dressed up???? send em my way buddy! oh and by the way, i miss you. but hey word to the wise, you'll be outta there soon and onto bigger and better things. take it this way...you invested time into home depot and that time will pay off sooner or later. customer service is a good thing to have under your belt. trust...it'll pay off.

quota

every day at work i have a quota to meet....which typically amounts to this...nearly 10-15 calls per day and 85-90 cases worked. thats a lot. i for the first two days was able to meet my quota. however, today, i wasnt able to meet that quota. i only got 56 cases done, in an 8 hour period. the worse part is that i didnt even have to answer phones today or for the next few weeks for that matter. how pathetic. a lot, i feel, has to do with how i was trained today. my trainer, did not understand that i am a hands-on learner. you can preach to me and educate me verbally till i am blue in the face, but i can guarantee you that i wont learn jack shit from it. i've always been that way since day one. my preschool teach mrs howard will tell you that. i've tried to change my learning style, but nothing has changed.

at any rate, the people in my bay are slowly opening up to me...so to speak. granted i sit at the end of the bay, thank god, cause i hate when people watch me work. but anyway, a few of them have talked to me on a regular basis now. the others...eh...not so sure about. the gay guy hasnt said a word to me since day one, the lady with the manly voice hasnt even acknowledged that i am alive. the runner chick, she's easing up. the fat lady, she's alright, she the only one thats jolly and talks to me. the filipina lady, not sure what to think of her, she's a loaner for sure, and she's retiring at the end of the month, so i dont give a shit about her, and she probably doesnt give a shit about me.

i have made any new friends at my new work, and i kinda like that. i am treating it strictly as work. i feel that this place is one in which, you are on your own. and such i treat as so. but i definitely dont want to get into the cubicle drama as most people are sucked into it. i dont care much about other people garbage when it come down to the nitty gritty. its bad enough that we have mandatory potlucks to tend to. people at my work love food. they see food and they have no problem eating it. come on now, they have potlucks every 2 weeks it seems like. kinda funny i think. it gives everyone a reason to have a 2 hour paid lunch. cant beat that. means i have time to run miscellaneous errands in and around my work, while people eat up and play scrabble or mad gabs.

i must say this...i definitely dont miss the customers at home depot. i miss my peeps tho. buddy i miss you too, you're like the little bro i never had. lindsay, i miss my lunch buddy. jasmin, i miss the talks about life with you. vicki...i miss the shit talking and horse play. anna, i've missed you since you left me and went to the vault...youre like a big sis to me...you, jasmin and lindsay. i definitely dont miss victor tho...ta hell with ya dude. mikey in appliances, i miss being your go to lady...you always knew how to cheer me up when the going got tough. buddy, jules and jasmin...when we gonna grub up on some sushi...yo? don in garden, eh man, i took your advice, i havent looked back since i left. sad part is, i have to go there tomorrow to buy some shit for the closet and some gift cards for my bros. oh well, at least i'm a customer now, and not donovan's bitch! i definitely miss you peeps!

the beginning

today was my very first meeting at work. the girls in the bay next to me warned me about how boring it would be...and it was. i seriously felt like i was in grade school. right when i walked in my manager asked me to sit way in the front right next to her. no big deal...i just dont like being singled out like that. then of course, as expected, she introduced me to everyone in the room. most people i knew or met because of shadowing. when asked where i came from, the manager mentioned home depot...so now my nickname there is ms home depot...or just home depot. whatever. who cares. cant let it get to me. but then there was the ooohhh and not so ahhh in the air becuase my co-workers love the transfers from the call center because they already know some of the system...whereas, i dont know jack shit about the system and i cant get into the next training until january 3rd...so for the next 2 weeks i am the mercy of my coworkers. my co workers dont seem to have a lot of faith in me just cause i got hired off the street. but i aint gonna let it bother me, i just got to show them that i can handle my own ground.

after the meeting, i was finally given my computer log in...and thank god it worked cause i was actually working today. i did member changes for the remainder of the day and boy oh boy i loved it. i have my own computer, my own place to sit, my own work....ahh,....is finally coming together. i had a lot of questions, but i only pended 17 cases and finished 97....i met the daily quota...and for a newbee i think thats fucking fantastic. it sure impressed my trainer and manager.

i also got my own emial address....its almost official. i just cant wait until they get me into their chronos system via the phone...and it would help if i had a working phone. i hope things really come together soon. all i need to do is receive my benefits package via the email and get my direct deposit going. i'd hate to have to go to the bank and deposit my checks every saturday.

so far the week has gone by pretty calmly. according to the manager, i will be fitted next week for my ergonomic comfort at my desk...i hope to god they give me a regular key board cause that ergonomic keyboard is cramping my style and slowing me down. so that'll be something to look forward to. i guess. tomorrow we have a mandatory pot luck, we'll have a 2 hour lunch to attend and shoot the shit with co-workers. hopefully i'll get to mingle with everyone....and try and become part of the family there. for whatever reason, i still feel like the outsider and i hate that feeling. kinda makes me sad. time will tell...only time.

so far the beginning has been tolerable....and its just the beginning....

a new start

the color orange....is now part of my past. i have served my time and learned many things at the hell depot. finally on saturday december 8, 2007 i was able to put it all behind me. i threw in the towel and called it quits 2 weeks prior to saturday and patiently waited for saturday to arrive. and boy oh boy when it did, my grin was ear to ear. i was probably the happiest person in that store that day. i counted my time, hour by hour then minute by minute. i said my good bye's...hugged those that i care about and shook hands with those i couldnt wait to leave.

having been at home depot for over a year i was able to meet new people and create bonds with those that i care for. i have met quite a crowd there, and only a handful i have promised myself to keep in touch with...just a handful. i have an almost new best friend and definitely a confidant. these people have really got me through the worse at home depot and have definitely laughed with me and cheered me on when i succeeded in something. i walked away from home depot with an air of confidence.

jenn had definitely made it a memorable last day by shrink wrapping my truck...never thought they'd do it to me, but they definitely found my truck and wrapped it. then in my last hour, tony and jenn tapped me to a chair and shrink wrapped me and rolled me all over the front end....a departing gesture meaning they will me miss....i think. i will definitely miss some people there, but i no doubt am very happy that i am no longer in customer service dealing with customers one-on-one. no more retail for me. btw, you can check out those shrink wrap pictures on my flickr account. they are all posted there. having the home depot now behind me....

i started monday with a brand new start at kaiser. my first day....was....hectic. there was a lot of information that was presented to me. i hope to have retained a lot of it. i hope! i trained with a pretty cool lady...jeannie...she's a lot older, but she was a cool cat. unfortunately i wont be with her tomorrow....i'll have to rotate onto someone new. the system they work with is pretty complex, but with the right training i plan to master it.

kaiser is definitely something different that home depot. i am not able to have my cell phone on or i'll be written up. i have little access to the outside world..right now at least. i hope to have my own extension by sometime next week. i do, however, have my own cubicle. i must say, i have a pretty damn cool cubicle. i need to decorate in and around it. i definitely need to put up a photo of me and daniel so all them damn dudes hitting on me today know I GOT A MAN! i'm spoken for fools! and if you aint leave me alone you'll be answering to my honey.

anyway, kaiser is a real cool place. the people are extremely friendly and helpful. they have all kinds of incentives to work hard. they have competitions and reward you with amex gift cards, they seem to always have pot lucks, managers always provide cookies and brownies, and management walks around and actually shows you they give a shit about you. which i think is really nice. i feel like i'm part of the company and not just the bitch doing the grunt work to get things done. i look forward to working at kaiser and taking full advantage of any benefits they have to offer me. .... wish me luck in my endeavors.