Saturday, December 25, 2021

52 of 52 of 2021



Today is Christmas.  I remembered to take a family photo this morning and another with the kids and lola. 
The kids got all the presents on their wish list and then some.  Dan and I cooked 24 pounds of prime rib, Texas hash, green bean casserole, stuffed mushrooms, bacon wrapped stuffing and rice.  The food was a hit....as usual!

Sunday, December 19, 2021

51 of 52 of 2021


Today is my 41st birthday. I spent the morning at my mom's house since it was bath day. She didn't remember it was my birthday. I was able to head home before 1pm which is awesome. It means more time with thr family. Dan bought me a seafood feast for dinner and I enjoyed every bit of it. Now I'm relaxing on the couch digesting my meals and doing nothing.  
Maybe next year we will celebrate more.  This year's low key plan nothing and do nothing birthday was just fine. 

Saturday, December 11, 2021

50 of 52 of 2021


This week was a bit of a cluster. It went by fast.  Work was super busy and home life was also super busy. 
The highlight of the week was today. Spending time with my girl on Friday and Saturday nights are what I look forward to each week I have lola duty. 
Today, Hannah tried balut for the first time. Surprisingly she liked it.  Her lola and her shared her first balut.  It was nice to see them both happy while sharing this experience. 

Saturday, December 4, 2021

49 of 52 of 2021


At the top of this rock wall is Hannah.  She kept at this wall for about 15 minutes and made it to the top. This was the first time she ever did this. 
She was upset she didn't make totally to the top but this was still a pretty huge accomplishment for her. She went at it again to try to make it to the very very top. She worked at for almost 30 minutes before being that high scared her.  
Shes really hard on herself when she sets her mind to accomplishing something and falls short.  
I wish she can find it in herself to be proud of her accomplishments even though she falls short of her goal.  It's always good to celebrate your wins no matter the journey. 

Saturday, November 27, 2021

48 of 52 of 2021


We had a nice Thanksgiving at mom's.  We only took one family picture to remember the day.  I really need to get better at taking photos on holidays for memories.   We cooked almost all the food again this year.  We brought the turkey, rice, Texas hash, green bean casserole, bacon wrapped stuffing and pigs in a blanket. Jim brought the ham and Paul brought an apple pie and shrimp cocktail. 
For the first time, we put up the Christmas lights on Friday and we got our Christmas tree and decorated in the house on Saturday.  Tyler had the honor of putting up the star on the tree.  

Saturday, November 20, 2021

47 of 52 of 2021

Tonight is my first night home for the next 2 weeks.  So far, Sophie hasn't left my side.  I miss her and she misses me. It used to be just me and her at home before I started taking care of mom overnight. 
This week Dan also told me that Hannah has a hard time when I'm away too. She misses me at night.  
Being away from home has been really difficult for us.  I'm hoping this week I can prep for some Christmas stuff so we can make it enjoyable for the kids. 

Saturday, November 13, 2021

46 of 52 of 2021


This week was a tough week with mom. She must have another UTI that we are waiting in to get diagnosed because she was not very compliant this week.  Waking her up in the morning, feeding her, having her take meds, using the bathroom and going to bed were very difficult for her. 
This weekend closes week #2 of 19 hour duty at mom's house.  Luckily Jim and family were able to come down today so I can hang with the family.  
Right now, Dan is in the room passed out.  Hannah is on her phone playing roblox.  Tyler is on the computer playing Minecraft. Sophie is passed out by the door and I'm writing this blog. There is no TV on in the house. It's quiet except for Dan snoring. 
Tomorrow will be the start of week #3.  On Saturday Ralph will be here to care for mom for 2 weeks before I have another 2 weeks of mom duty. 
Tonight I'm enjoying being home with the family, even of we aren't doing anything.  I miss these days....

Saturday, November 6, 2021

45 of 52 of 2021

Last Sunday was our 2nd Halloween with Covid which means we didn't go trick or treating.  This year I let the kids pick out me and Dan's costume. I got lucky with an inflatable cow. Dan got the better costume of a dude being kidnapped by an alien.  I think I will keep these inflatable costumes. 
We didn't get to do too much this year which kinda sucked. I wanted to be hyped for the holidays this year so the kids can enjoy it more but I didn't quite feel it with Halloween.  We didn't even carve pumpkins this year. I think it's our first year of not carving pumpkins since they were born. 
Having to manage 2 households this year has really dampened my spirits for much of anything.  It's so hard because this is not me but I've got so much on plate that it consumes me. I will do my best to keep the holidays hyped for the kids cause I love seeing their happy faces with all the holiday festivities.  I may even get a small Christmas tree for moms house so it's a little festive at her house since I spend more time there than at home with my family. 

Saturday, October 30, 2021

44 of 52 of 2021


Today is mom's 82nd birthday. She didn't remember it's her birthday let alone how old she is.  She was a little confused on why everyone came to the house for lunch. It seems she had a good time though and that's what counts. 

Saturday, October 23, 2021

43 of 52 of 2021

Today, Dan and I went on a date!  We went to Thorne Brewery in Barrio Logan. The kids had a day with their Aunt Rhonda for their annual fall get together.   We had a day of no kids and what better way to spend it than at a brewery.  We tried out Las Cuatro Milpas, a well know taco shop in Barrio Logan that always has a line out the door. The food was disappointing.  With all the hype I thought it would be spectacular but sadly it wasn't.   After lunch we sampled Thorne's stouts and we were not very impressed with them either. Our favorite still remains the golden stout. 

Saturday, October 16, 2021

42 of 52 of 2021

This week was a tough and busy one. We started Monday off with an appointment to the dermatologist for moms keloid.   Instead of steroid injections we opted for a highly potent ointment that will take weeks/months to shrink the keloid. We ended that journey with flu shots. 
The rest of the week was busy with work and more work.  Today is my first day home for the next 2 weeks. What better way to start it off than with a visit w dad.  

Saturday, October 9, 2021

41 of 52 of 2021


Last week Jim came down to stay with mom Friday and Saturday so i can spend time with the family.  Last Saturday we went to eat at Long Island Mike's.  We've been trying to maximize the little time we have together these days. 
This week Jim came down again to spend the night with mom on Fridag and Saturday.  Unfortunately it was not planned.  Paul decided to plan a camping trip and casually tell me 2 days before he was set to leave. He asked if I could cover Friday and Saturday night with mom. Of course I lost my shit over this and asked him to reschedule and of course the answer was no.  So I asked Jim to come down because this was 3 weeks straight of me staying with mom 18 hours a day.  
What my brothers don't realize is me caring for mom for 18 hours is taking a toll on my family.  I have been in this situation since April 2021.  The 5 hours I have at home mean so much to us and to ask me to give that up is huge. I will never give it up unless mom is in the hospital.  I can't give it up. My family and I need these 5 hours a day to connect.  These 5 hours are our normal. And quite frankly the new normal sucks.
So of course, me not wanting to give up my 5 hours a day for Friday and Saturday I called Jim.  Thankfully him and Ting were able to make this work for him to come down.  This was a bonus for me. 2 night at home. My family was excited that they have me for 36 hours.  It's time well-spent with them. 
Next weekend Ralph will be here for 2 weeks so I'll be home more than 5 hours a day while he's here and I can't wait.  
Oh and today I got to watch Hannah practice riding her bike.  She did awesome!  Now time to fix the other bike so I can go out with her.

Saturday, October 2, 2021

40 of 52 of 2021


Monday was national sons day. Since I honored Hannah for national daughters day it's only fair I honor my little man. 
Tyler is the gift that changed me to be a mom and have a family.  He is one of the best things that happened to me. He's full of life and and is his own character. He was diagnosed with autism when he was about 2 years old and has exceeded our and everyone's expectations. 
He has a big heart and aims to make everyone around him happy. He tells things as they are with no reserve. He's strong willed and will work hard to complete what he sets his mind to.  He researches almost about everything at length to educate himself about whatever it is.  He's one of the awesomeness kids I know and love him to death. I can't wait to see what his future holds for him.  

Saturday, September 25, 2021

39 of 52 of 2021


Today is National Daughters Day.  It's a no brainer for me to acknowledge and celebrate my daughter, Hannah.  She's an awesome kid with a ton of personality and a very caring heart.  When I first found out that the baby growing in my tummy would be a girl, I was bummed yet happy at the same time. I knew that having a daughter would be extremely challenging because I know the hell I put my parents through and quite honestly I didn't want that. So I told myself that I would parent her to be a happy, confident and caring person.
Since I started staying the night at mom's back in April, Hannah has stayed the night with me on days she didn't have school and through the summer.  She's extremely caring and thoughtful of my emotions and time.  Taking care of mom has been one of the most challenging times in my life because I'm missing out on so much time with my family. Yet Hannah understands the sacrifice I'm making and why I'm doing what I'm doing.  She is definitely wise beyond her years.  She's a big part of my world and I'm very glad she's my kid.  I'm super proud of the person she's becoming.  

Saturday, September 18, 2021

38 of 52 of 2021


Yesterday was the last full day I had with my family before I spend the next 4 weeks staying at mom's again. Dan took me out to a sushi lunch where we enjoyed each other's company, good sushi, beer and hot sake.  It was pretty awesome.  I'm glad we are spending some alone time together when we can cause the living situation sucks and we really dont know how long it will be this way. 
The last 2 weeks with the family were pretty awesome.  I enjoyed every minute of it...even when the kids were fighting.  I need to make an effort to make it home in time to pick up the kids with Dan since I won't be seeing much of them for the next 4 weeks. 
On our drive over to spend the night with mom, Hannah mentioned that she has few memories with her Lolo.  One that sticks out was hiding under his chair and tickling his feet with the back scratcher.    Hannah was born the same year my dad was diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer.  She was 5 when he passed away.  I'm just thankful that both Tyler and Hannah spent some time with my dad before he died.  I was always worried growing up that my kids would never be able to meet my parents because they had me so late in life.   
Here's to the 1st night of 28 at my mom's. This is the longest I'll be away from the family since I started staying here at the end of April. 

Saturday, September 11, 2021

37 of 52 of 2021


This was my first week home every night after 4 weeks of staying at moms each night. One person was definitely happy about me being home....Sophie!  I've been with her every single day since we brought her home 8 years ago.  This is the first year that I haven't stayed home at night for mom than a few nights at a time.  She's been having a hard time with it too. Yet she still loves me the same and I couldn't be happier about it.  I have 1 more week left of being able to sleep at home each night before I'm gone for another 3 and a half weeks.  Im going to make the best of every day I have at home w my family. 

Sunday, September 5, 2021

36 of 52 of 2021


Monday:  the start of the week and it's been a very rough last few days.  Mom was diagnosed with a UTI last week and was prescribed Macrobid.  She tolerated this drug in the past but this time is a completely different story. She gets dizzy spells soon after taking the medicine. Her appetite has practically gone away, her balance is awful, her demeanor is very negative and gets taxed for breath with low to mild exertion. I finally called in and was advised not to take the last dose today. They will try ceflex tomorrow to treat the UTI.  All was well before she started this antibiotic and now I feel we went back about 10 steps after making great progress since she was admitted back in April. 
The last few days have been extremely awful for me especially while she's been ill.  I miss my kids, my husband, my dog and my home.  5 hours home each day isn't enough and I really don't know how much more of this I can sustain. It's really taking a toll on my mental health.  It's taken a toll on my family. The sadness I see in my kid's eyes hurts deeply. I know they don't underhand why I'm doing what I'm doing.  Hell, sometimes I don't even know why I'm doing what I'm doing. I feel heavily burdened. It's disappointing to say that I've contemplated suicide so I can rest forever. I've even gone as far as rationalizing that my kids and husband won't miss me much because they hardly see me as it is. I can honestly say in this moment that I really hate my situation and what life has become for me and my family.  I'm missing out on so much at home. I miss seeing them wake on the morning. I miss hearing them say goodnight to me. I miss the sounds they make when they sleep.  I just miss them. It's really quite amazing that Dan has stuck w me this long. How long will he stick with me is a mystery. I can't be upset if he decides to go. This isn't what he signed up for when we married.  Our life has been put hold since 2012 when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. I've been the one caring for my parents.  And I HATE all my brothers for not helping. I have so much resentment that I don't want anything to do with them when mom dies.  
Sunday:  well Ralph is in town and yet I'm still here at moms for the majority of the day. It appears that I'm still needed even for the basic things. It really makes me question whether I will ever maintain a bond with my brothers after moms dies.  Luckily I have Hannah and Sophie with me to spend the day.   Later today I'll take Hannah to the Asian market so she buy whatever she wants.  Then tomorrow I won't need to come here hopefully.  


Saturday, August 28, 2021

35 of 52 of 2021

This week was a pretty week. We started Monday off with lab work and urine culture. All seemed the result of the day and into the next.  Wednesday I noticed she was a little off. She didn't each much breakfast and seemed off.  Thursday morning we got a call from the nurse saying mom had a UTI.  They prescribed Macrobid and it's taken a toll on her.  She did PT on Thursday and was totally off after that.  She couldn't really walk and ended up staying in bed.  Later in the afternoon she was so weak she couldn't get herself up on the bed and ended up slipping down to the floor.  Thankfully she didn't hurt herself.  Saturday morning she seemed a lil weak still. She was able to get up and eat dinner in the living room.  
I hope she will be more back to herself tomorrow. 

Saturday, August 21, 2021

34 of 52 of 2021

The kids started 6th and 4thr grade this week on Wednesday.  They were both excited and sad after same time. Tyler got the same teacher as last year which sucks. At least he knows what to expect from her.  Hannah got a new teacher that seems to be fun.  
I'm hoping for a successful school year for both of them.  It's the first year back with full days. Hopefully they will be able to get vaccinated by the end of the year.  

Friday, August 13, 2021

33 of 52 of 2021

This was the last full week of summer for the kids.  They start 4th and 6th grade on Wednesday the 18th.  For our last hoorah of the summer I took them to the San Diego Air and Space Museum.   13 years ago, Dan and I had our wedding reception in the rotunda of the museum.  This was one of the last affordable venues that could fit the 300+ wedding guests that celebrated our love that day. 
The kids both rode the simulator rides and did well until the very last simulation.  They both got motion sickness so the day turned short.  We got McDonald's and Handel's ice cream treats for lunch. 
They both enjoyed the summer with the many adventures we took.  I think we made the best of the summer considering our circumstances. 

Saturday, August 7, 2021

32 of 52 of 2021

This week was a fun week for us.  I took the kids to Birch Aquarium on Thursday and Barnes and Nobles.  I think they had the most fun at the bookstore, ha.  
On Friday we went back to Moonlight Beach. This is our favorite beach so far.  It's pretty laid back and we love it.  To round out the trip we ate at Mr. Motos which was super close to the beach.  It worked out perfectly. 
On Saturday we went to Surfrider Pizza in downtown La Mesa.  Another of Tyler's favorite places.  Dan also had the birds and bees talk with them.  Thulis will be the first of many talks with them.  

Saturday, July 31, 2021

31 of 52 of 2021

2 weeks later and I'm back home for 2 weeks before Ralph leaves.  
What better way to celebrate being home for the next 2 weeks than pizza and beer at Tyler's favorite place...Long Island Mike's.  
The last 2 weeks have been crazy. The kids spent time with me at moms overnight.  It makes my heart both happy and sad at the same time.  Happy because I get to spend time with them and they're able to spend time with their lola and sad because that means they aren't spending time with their dad nor in their own home.  All this will change when they're back in school cause there won't be any overnights during the week because they have school. So the only overnights will be Friday and Saturday and holidays. It'll be a tough time again for me and them too. 
The plan the next 2 weeks is to spend as much time with them as I can before they head back to school.  

Saturday, July 24, 2021

30 of 52 of 2021

This past week Tyler has been sporadically spending the night with me and Hannah at Lola's house.  This allows us time together while also being able to take care of mom.  This arrangement hasn't been easy on them at all. The kids are trying to make me happy and there are more times than not that I feel it is at the expense of their own happiness. 
The highlight of this week was spending time at the bay with the family.  The kids rode jet skis for the first time with their cousins Jessica and Cody.  The both loved it.  
We are trying to make the best of the summer and our time together. 

Saturday, July 17, 2021

29 of 52 of 2021

This week we took advantage of Ralph being in town and went on day adventures to make some summer memories.   Monday we went to Moonlight Beach in Encinitas. The kids loved the beach. It was a nice and relaxing day.  We ended the day at Pizza Port. Tuesday we went to Julian. We checked out the shops on main Street and ate and the local brewery and ended the adventure with some pie slices to go.   Wednesday we went to Pacific Beach to scooter on the boardwalk while dad drank beers.  We indulged in pizza from Mr. Motos and dessert from the baked bear.   Thursday we stayed in town and checked out Tin Fish at Santee Lakes.  Friday was a chill day for us and ended with our tradition of fast food. 
Hopefully when Ralph is back in August we can do another adventure to Moonlight Beach.  

Sunday, July 11, 2021

28 of 52 of 2021

With Ralph in town, Dan and I decided to take some time off so we can explore our city with the kids. This gives us time away from the hustle and bustle of our day to day life and work. 
Our first adventure was the San Diego Automotive Museum. Hannah has a love for older and classic cars.  They both wanted to see the Ford Model T.  
Hannah was totally in her element whereas Tyler went thru the motions to see the cars and motorcycles. 
Hannah told me her favorite car is the next new one cause it will always be better than the last one.  
Hannah has a lot of her Lolo in her with her love for cars and seeing what the next cool one will be.  
Our next adventures in store are Moonlight Beach, scooter thru Pacific Beach and eat at Mr. Motos and the baked bear, then we'll end our adventure with a trip up to Julian.  

Saturday, July 3, 2021

27 of 52 of 2021


Over the last several weeks I have been transforming my childhood bedroom into a more modern and comfortable space for me and Hannah to stay in while we are on Lola watch. Im hoping to redo the flooring and eventually paint the walls but that certainly isn't my priority.  
I've been able to bring Sophie with us while I work there for about 5 hours before we head home and spend time with the boys. 

Saturday, June 26, 2021

26 of 52 of 2021

This little girl has been my sidekick with just about everything.  She goes with me every where I go; from running errands to staying the night at Lola's house.  The picture is of her sleeping in.  
Our life has been anything but normal since mom was diagnosed with dementia.  I've been staying the night since the end of April. I go home for about 2 to 4 hours a day to spend time with my family then head back to moms to stay the night and do it all over again. 
Ralph has been coming to stay with mom for about 2 weeks at a time which allows me to recharge at home with my family and catch up with them. This I'm grateful for. 
How am I doing? Well I'm barely holding it together.  I'm exhausted. I'm angry.  I'm resentful.  I'm everything in between the extremes. I'm slowly losing control of everything I feel like. I've gained all the weight I worked so hard to lose the last 2 years because I don't have the proper equipment to exercise at moms nor can I afford to buy the equipment.  I've been trying to plan out what changes I need to make so I can get back on track with my health and fitness goals because that's about all i have control over in my life right now and it will help with my mental health. 

25 of 52 of 2021

This is the 3rd Father's Day without my dad. Each year gets a little less painful but it's still never the same. 
Dan isn't a hallmark holiday type of guy so we hardly ever celebrate Father's Day. I was able to come home at a decent time to have dinner with the family.  

Saturday, June 12, 2021

24 of 52 of 2021

This week started off pretty awesome but ended on a low.  Mom's back was hurting on Thursday and impacted her ability to communicate and self care.   She essentially shut down. She wasn't able to speak, eat, drink nor walk.   On Thursday night her breathing was getting worse so I decided to call the on call nurse and they advised that we bring her to the ER.  When she breathes there is an audible whistle and her ability to take in a breath is slightly labored. 
We arrived at the ER shortly after 9am and wasn't discharged until a little after 5pm.   The doctors ran a lot of tests and were not able to find anything wrong with her heart, lungs, urine nor lab results so were sent home with a recommendation to request a sleep study for sleep apnea.   
2 ER visits about 5 weeks apart is not a good thing.  

Saturday, June 5, 2021

23 of 52 of 2021

Hannah turned 9 this week on May 31st at 0921am. She is full of character. She loves to dance and sing and is the most caring and feisty little girl I know. 
She's going to do great things!  I know it!

Saturday, May 29, 2021

22 of 52 of 2021


This week I said aloud to the family therapist from the Southern California Resource Center that I've moved in with my mom. This has been my reality since mom was discharged from the hospital on April 27th.  
I spend 20 hours with my mom. I spend 4 hours (give or take an hour) at my own home. Dinners have been extremely important for me because that's the time I get to spend with my kids, husband and dog.  It's during these 4 hours that I can connect with my family.  I find myself upset and angry when things cut into this time. 
I have a lot of guilt because my kids don't have me around as much as I should be. I'm not there when they wake up or when they come home from school. I have guilt because my husband has picked up extra duties around the house and with caring for the kids. He and I rarely have quality time. The 4 hours I'm home I spend w the kids mostly. It's really not fair to him. This isn't what he envisioned his marriage to be. 
I have guilt because if I don't care for my mom then she'll be lonely and confused.  It's this time she needs me the most. More than my kids or husband need me. And I have guilt for wanting and needing to care for her. 
I know there will be a time that comes where she won't even remember me.  It's important I take advantage of these tender times because there won't be any other time than now.  I want to learn everything I can about her and let her know that I'm here for her. 
Today we finally visited my dad. It's been several months since we visited him. 

Saturday, May 22, 2021

21 of 52 of 2021


This week was very busy with work and care taking mom.  Friday night was the first time Sophie came over and stayed the night at Lola's house in a long time.  Anytime she comes over she misses her morning walk.  It isn't safe for me to walk her alone in the neighborhood. 

Saturday, May 15, 2021

20 of 52 of 2021



My boy turned 11 on Friday.  We celebrated his, Hannah and Eva's birthday today at Lola's house. Mom had a good time being around the kids today.  Everyone had a great time!

Saturday, May 8, 2021

19 of 52 of 2021

This was the first full week of staying every night at moms house. It was a busy week between work and the medical assessment from Bonita Home Health.  We had visits from Cheryl who is the RN, Estella the social worker and Tony the Physical Therapist.  Next week will be busier. She has an assessment for occupational therapy, an in clinic visit with Dr. Basu for her dementia assessment and a meeting with a lawyer for estate planning. To end the week we will celebrate the May birthdays.  
The picture above is the girls at moms house spending time with each other for the first time since last Friday night.  Sophie seems pretty happy considering she had the biggest adjustment.  She used to come with me to moms every single day to not coming over at all since mom was taken by ambulance to the emergency room.  
I will continue to hope for better days. The test of better or for WORSE is real right now for me and Dan.  

Saturday, May 1, 2021

18 of 52 of 2021

So this past week has been extremely stressful and life changing.  Saturday April 24th started off like any other Saturday. Dan and I ran errands to Costco and Albertsons like we normally do.  Hannah, Sophie and I went to moms about 1030am.  It was shower day for mom and all went well. We has sushi for lunch. Mom enjoyed the tempura shrimp and soft shell crab. We were watching a movie when she laid down on the couch and dozed off.  All typical things she does.  When I woke her around 2pm to help her back to her bedroom she was fine and even started to sit up and get in a standing position.   Everything after that became scary.   
She sat limp to the right side and was unresponsive.  She was looking right at me but couldn't speak. She grabbed my hand and kept squeezing all the while with her eyes open looking at me.  I called the Kaiser advice line and the nurse advised to call 911.  Mom started to talk and tell me she has a hard time catching her breath and ended up losing her bowels in the process.  I checked her temperature and blood pressure.  Temp was normal. BP was 134/104.  
The fire department and paramedics arrived and coded her stroke. She was taken to Sharp Grossmont.  They performed a CT scan and advised no stoke, brain bleed or blood clot.  She was diagnosed with a severe UTI. They started her on IV antibiotics.  She was later transferred to Kaiser Zion for observation.  
On Sunday she had an MRI.  Results showed moderate dementia.  The doctor advised there are no medications to slow the spread at the stage she is at. We will need to monitor her and adjust.  I arrived around 130pm at the hospital.  She was disoriented and confused still. The nurse advised she didn't eat any breakfast and to bring something for her.  Late Sunday and she was transferred to a lower floor for further observation. 
On Monday she was anxious to go home when I arrived at 830am. All was going well.  She ate breakfast and lunch. She wasn't going to be discharged because her urine culture wasn't received from Grossmknt. I let her know that I was leaving for the day and will be back in the morning.  As I was leaving she became unresponsive again. The nurse called for a rapid response team comprised of ICU staff to triage until her doctor came.  Again they coded her as stroke. She was immediately brought down for a CT. The doctors advised it could be a stroke or seizure. Later that night the doctor called and advised it was not a stroke nor seizure but was a cause of the UTI infection.  The body was pulling strength from the brain to fight the infection thus the unresponsiveness. She was transferred back to the 5th floor to be monitored more closely. 
On Tuesday she was in a better mood. We received news that her urine culture was received and she would be sent home with cipro and culturelle.  She was discharged around 2pm.  
We are now taking the next steps to determine the level of her dementia so we can figure out a plan for her care. 
After the doctor told me her diagnosis of dementia and the tell tale signs it made more sense to me and I wish I would have known earlier so I could get her help earlier. The falls, the confusion, the inability to make a decision and the inability to express pain all fit the characteristics of a dementia patient. Her BP and temp were in the normal range so there wasn't a way for me to know there was something wrong. I attributed her actions to depression. 
6 years ago we were in the hospital with dad due to complications of his prostate cancer. The uneasy and helpless feelings are back again....for my mom this time...  I pray for no to minimal suffering. 

Friday, April 23, 2021

17 of 52 of 2021

Today is Friday night and here I lay relaxing next to my girl while the dog entertains herself with her squeaky toy.
This week was the first week for full time learning at school.  I was incredibly worried about the kids and how they would do with a longer day in over a year.  They seemed to be adjust fine and were actually happy to see their friends they haven't seen during the hybrid schedule. 
I worry for them next week because they will be in Project Safe in the afternoon.  The pick up has been horrible with the long lines and the whole school being there so waiting 45 minutes will be well worth it for parent sanity. The kids will have 45 minutes longer with their friends.  The downside is it will be am even longer day for the kids for the next 7 weeks. 
I'm sure they will take the adjustment in stride just like everything else the world had thrown at them because of the pandemic. 

Saturday, April 17, 2021

16 of 52 of 2021

Tonight Hannah is spending the night at Lola's house with Eva.  This is the first time she's been away since covid hit last year.
With her away, I get some quality time in with my little man. We don't get quality time in very often anymore.  So I'm spending the evening watching the Disney Channel with him.  It's the little moment like these that make me lucky to be his mom. 

Saturday, April 10, 2021

15 of 52 of 2021

This last week was Easter.  The picture attached to this entry is the only family picture I remembered to capture.  I need to remember to take more family pictures of us.  
We will celebrate Easter twice this year since Jim wasn't able to make it down this last weekend. 
In other news,  I received my 2nd shot of the Pfizer vaccine on Friday morning and it is kicking my ass.  I developed a fever in the middle of the night.  When I woke this morning I had a terrible headache and body aches accompanying my 101 fever.  Hopefully tomorrow I will feel much better. This gets me closer to being able to get out into public with a little more confidence.

Saturday, April 3, 2021

14 of 52 of 2021

This was the last week of Spring Break 2021 for the kids. 
Our tradition for Spring Break since 2015 was a few days at Disneyland. We would spend 3 nights at the Grand Californian courtesy of Ralph's Disney Timeshare.  
COVID-19 took our tradition away from us last year and this year. The kids are bummed that we are missing out on so many of our traditions. To start the week,  I took them to Mount Helix. 
We explored the trail around it. Took some pretty cool pictures and we bonded. I'm sad that we couldn't do more with them. We just can't risk their health for fun. 
Next week they start school and will likely return to full time school on the 19th. I'm secretly hoping they delay full time school until the fall but I know that won't happen.  

Friday, March 26, 2021

13 of 52 of 2021

So ...  
Dan did a thing a week before Thanksgiving 2020 and it finally came in!
Actually it came in a week before Christmas but the color was wrong. It was black.  Dan put an order into the dealership because he specifically wanted the color Snazzberry and the Willys trim. 
3 months later in March it finally arrived.  Dan is so incredibly happy with it and I'm so glad he didn't settle for the black in December. He would have regretted it. We will have some fun time in the Willys.

Saturday, March 20, 2021

12 of 52 of 2021



This week was just as busy if not busier than last week. There were many highs and lows from the week.  I'll try to cover them all in order.   
Monday and Tuesdsy were a low. The project I'm working on has a huge scope and I was hoping for a break thru in information from some SMEs but only walked away with more questions than answers. 
Wednesday was a high. I was able to complete some deliverables early so I can put more time on my  huge project. 
Thursday was a high.  I got my first dose of the Pfizer vaccine. 
Friday was a low and high. The low explains the picture I have for this post. My mom has been becoming more and more depressed and living a lot less. She has self confined herself to her bedroom. She's using diapers to minimize the clean ups from accidents. The low is of her not being able to make it to the restroom in time. The diaper failed her upset tummy causing a mess all over the bed and a trail into the restroom.  As disgusted as I knowing I'd have to clean it up, I did it without complaint. I know she was embarrassed and that alone broke my heart. She already feels she is a heavy burden to me. Truth be told, I'm glad I am able to care for her.  I complain and cry at stretching myself so thin between caring for her and my family but she's my mom and couldn't turn my back on her or move her into a facility. The hardest part of Friday was Hannah seeing her this way. I want Hannah to have happy memories of her Lola. I also hope that I'm setting and example for Hannah of how to be caring towards aging parents. How important it is to show compassion and love above all else. The high for Friday was receiving news about my bonus.  Based on 2020 goals and performance I received a 10k bonus and 3.4% raise. 
Saturday was a low. My brother and his wife are facing hard time in their marriage and there's no telling what this means for them. I worry for my niece and nephew the most. 
Sunday has yet to be lived. I'm hoping for a high.  

Friday, March 12, 2021

11 of 52 of 2021


This week has been one of the busiest of the year.  From this week until the end of the year will become increasingly busy. Work will become hectic with the several projects I'm working on. Home life will become busy with the kids' spring b break quickly approaching.  Things with mom will become busier after she gets her 2nd Moderna shot.  She is over due for many medical appointments since the pandemic hit us this time last year. 
I'm thankful for the rare times I get to put my feet up, relax, read a boom and just hang out with my main squeeze.  

Saturday, March 6, 2021

10 of 52 of 2021


Mom got her 1st Moderna shot on Friday at 1030am.  The day started hectic with Jim calling saying he was going to arrive late because of an accident. This meant I had to abandon my very important meeting so I can go to mom's house to wake, dress and feed her so she's ready by the time Jim arrives. He was able to get her to her appointment on time.  He noticed that she had a hardly time filling out the paperwork.  Mom really can't do much of anything by herself anymore. The only thing she is able to do on her own is using the restroom. She's started using diapers full time a few weeks ago. This has been great because she's been having accidents.
Back to the vaccine. Mom was doing fine when she got home. She ate lunch with me and Jim.  She even watched a movie.  I woke her up at 3pm to take her blood pressure and temperature like I do any other day.  She complained of chest pain and difficulty breathing.  I immediately called Kaiser advice line. She didn't have any swelling or itching which is expected with an allergic reaction. However with the chest pain and difficulty breathing they advised us to go to the ER. We arrived at 430pm and she was discharged at 845pm. Luckily everything checked out with her EKG, blood work and chest x rays. The cause of her chest pain and difficulty breathing was her being anxious about the vaccine. 
I'm thankful she received her first dose of the vaccine but I am worried about how she will react to the second dose. This is the first step to getting mom out and about so she can get back into the world and around people. 

Saturday, February 27, 2021

9 of 52 of 2021

 02.21.2021 marks 15 years since Dan and I met. Dan never misses the day and all the 21st days of the month.  He always buys me flowers. The one pictured here is one of my faves. I think these are called stargazers. I'm not fond of the smell but love how they look.  
The last 15 years haven't been the best.  As a matter of fact the last 8 years have been rough. My focus of life went from beginning and raising a family of my own to being a care taker of all things.  Of all things for my family and also my parents.  
Dan has been the most supportive husband I could ever ask for. He doesn't complain too much about having to split my time between our family and taking care of my mom every single day. He understands that I'm doing the best I can under under circumstances and reminds me it's not unnoticed. 
15 years and forever to go...