This week I said aloud to the family therapist from the Southern California Resource Center that I've moved in with my mom. This has been my reality since mom was discharged from the hospital on April 27th.
I spend 20 hours with my mom. I spend 4 hours (give or take an hour) at my own home. Dinners have been extremely important for me because that's the time I get to spend with my kids, husband and dog. It's during these 4 hours that I can connect with my family. I find myself upset and angry when things cut into this time.
I have a lot of guilt because my kids don't have me around as much as I should be. I'm not there when they wake up or when they come home from school. I have guilt because my husband has picked up extra duties around the house and with caring for the kids. He and I rarely have quality time. The 4 hours I'm home I spend w the kids mostly. It's really not fair to him. This isn't what he envisioned his marriage to be.
I have guilt because if I don't care for my mom then she'll be lonely and confused. It's this time she needs me the most. More than my kids or husband need me. And I have guilt for wanting and needing to care for her.
I know there will be a time that comes where she won't even remember me. It's important I take advantage of these tender times because there won't be any other time than now. I want to learn everything I can about her and let her know that I'm here for her.
Today we finally visited my dad. It's been several months since we visited him.
