unexpected

PROOF : 8 hours in a Kasier Emergency Room

well...monday morning about 1231 am i woke to an excrutiating pain in my abdomen. i had no idea what the pain was. i laid in bed grabbing at my lower abdomen hoping the pain would subside...but to now avail. it increasingly became intolerable...so much that i had to wake dan up in tears clenching at the sheets and wailing in pain. i tried to switch my position in bed - just maybe if i turn on my side the pain would go away, no...it actually got worse... i kept waiting for a break in the pain, but nothing. i knew this wasnt normal nor right. i had once experienced this pain, but not this intense. i gave in and told dan that we needed to head to the er. barely being able to get up, i crept around the room to put some clothes on. dan gathered my purse, his belongings and luthor's belongings. the three of us headed towards the kaiser er. walking to the truck was a task and a half for me. it hurt to walk, it hurt to sit, it hurt to do anything. i was in tears...so bad that i was moaning each time the pain intensified.

we get to the er...check in...and finally are called to the back...in like 2 minutes or so. the nurse took my vitals, ordered dan to grab a wheel chair and we were off to module D where they finally parked me in bed 1...the gynecology bed. it was well equipped i must say. the bed was even transformable to a bed with stirrups. the nurse there made me pee in a cup to verify that i was in fact not pregnant...which i wasnt. thank goodness. we then waited for over 2 hours for the ob doctor to see me. this man violated me with a wand in ways i have never been violated before...all to tell me that i would have to wait until 7 am to be violated again. mind you..i was in pain this entire time. i was in pain all over..my head hurt from the lack of sleep, my arm hurt from the IV (the nurse used a BIG IV needle just in case i needed to be rushed into emergency surgery). it was only a quarter to 4 when the doc told me the bad news about staying until the morning, so dan decided to head home to get luthor situated and work situated. he came back around 6 i think. i dont quite remember.

the hustle and bustle of shift changes began happening, so i knew it was closer to 7 and that means i can finally have my formal ultra sound done. one problem...they needed to put a catheter in me...sounds easy right. no its not. it actually hurt. the worse part was when they manually filled my bladder. the feeling was so intense, that i didnt really know which hurt most...the need to pee so bad or the pain in my abdomen. they filled my bladder twice actually. the first time was when we had the go ahead to prep me for the ultrasound...then a call back saying not to prep me because my time switched to 745...there was no way i could bare the pain of needing to pee so bad, so the nurse unclamped me and let the water flow back out...then they filled it again around 745. we headed down stairs to the ultrasound dept. there i waited for another 20 min before the tech came in and did an external ultra sound then again another internal. i tell you this tech was worse that the doc...i dont know what the hell her kept hitting in me, but whatever it was it made me have the urge to shit. i mean, the urge you get when your clenching your asshole so hard it hurts to clench cause you know the shit is knocking on your asshole ready to come out. so not only did i have the urge to shit so bad, i had the urge to pee really bad. not very comfortable. the ultrasound took maybe 45 min to an hour. then i was transported back upstairs to the er...where we waited again...

finally the doc came in and told me i had a 2 inch ovarian cyst and basically prescribed pain meds and stool softener. she noted that if the pain got worse, then i should come back and see her, because they may have to surgically remove it. she also recommend that i do a follow up ultrasound with my regular ob to make sure the size isnt getting any bigger. havent scheduled that visit yet. maybe tomorrow i will at my lunch hour. but i've been taking advantage of the pain meds, but i cant bring myself to taking the stool softener..something just doesnt sound right about taking it.

so...8 hours in the emergency room yielded me a bottle of vicoden, stool softener and ibuprofen not to mention 2 days off work.

note to self...next time the pain happens again, take a 600 mg of ibuprofen and sleep it off.

no wonder why i hate going to the doctors...especially the emergency room. i truly believe that if i was bleeding inside...i would have died at how slow the service was.

Christmas Spirit

Luthor has Christmas Spirit

Our 3rd Ornament

Our stockings this year

Our very first Christmas Wreath

Our Charlie Brown Christmas Tree

We got off to a late start decorating around the house this year. i think its because both dan and i are just spent at the end of the day...and well...our weekends...our for relaxation. when i say relaxation it usually means having time to ourselves and just being lazy. the holiday season is always stressful. i havent quite figured out why yet...but it always drives people crazy.

This is our first Christmas being married. we decided to keep it really low key because the honeymoon is coming up in february and we want to spend all our time and attention to that. two weeks in new zealand. we both cannot wait. its going to be a trip of a lifetime for us...just like ireland was. but this new zealand trip is something special, because its here that we finally get to let loose and celebrate our marriage and just relax. its going to be great.

well, i better get going here...the nuggets are on tv...go NUGGS...

Gooble Gooble

Dan - fed and happy

Luthor waking up to be photogenic

Luthor napping after eating all day at lolo & lola's

Today is Thanksgiving. As tradition repeats itself, many families are gathering around the table enjoying a nicely prepared meal and being thankful for the bounty set before them. Today is a little bittersweet for me.

I woke today around 715ish to begin preparing the side dishes for our thanksgiving lunch. today was actually the very first thanksgiving we ever had at my parent's house. we normally have turkey day at my brother's house but this year was a little different. my dad was really happy. he even said grace over the food. ~that is something quite special because he never says grace~ as always the food was amazing because i cooked it! ha ha ha. just kidding. everyone ate to their hearts content. it was good.

unfortunately today, i just got word from my mom that my aunt passed away today at 515pm after a long fight with cancer. she was quite a courageous woman. she knew she had cancer and fought it until she couldnt fight no more. she lived life to the fullest each day spending time with her husband and their only son. its so sad because he's getting married next year. but i know that she will be looking down upon him on his wedding day. this week will be a little somber for me. i know her passing wont hit me until the wake or the funeral. rest in peace aunt lucretia...may the angels welcome you to heaven!

looking glass

forgive me if there are faults in this here blog. this blog here, is being compiled after quite a few glasses of beer.

what prompted this you might add? hmm...good company. weird huh? it is. but hear me out okay. tonite, dan and i frequented one of the first bars he took me to - to meet his friends. southbeach in ocean beach. it is because of these outings that i have seemed to fallen in love with their little community. its almost a world of their own. but anyway, back to the topic. the looking glass....

have you ever thought that you know someone well enough, but in all reality dont really know that much about them? quite a brain teaser isnt it.

you see...on the ride home with dan, i got to talking about how i envied his friendship with his friends. i will openly admit that i will probably always envy it. why you ask. because i USED to have a circle of friends like he has. BUT i gave that up. due to sheer stupidity. i chose a man to come between those that always seemed to have my back up until the point where i shafted them. i never put a lot of thought into the saying that guys are a dime a dozen, or one a dog always a dog, or ... lovers come and go but friends will always stay. i have never abided by them cliches...nor did i care for them. why should i? i was on cloud 9....thats all i needed. i was being loved by someone that promised me the world - something my friends couldnt promise me. stupid me, i believed him and shafted them.

but now...i see...i how important it is to have a circle of friends you can truly turn to and trust. something, i am ashamed of, saying that i dont have. i really dont. i have at most 3 friends i can turn to when the going gets rough, and i mean rough. i dont really have friends. i dont really feel i need them because i always feel they have alterior motives. why i feel like that...because each and every single friend of mine has really let me down in ways i cannot even comprehend myself. i just know that they screwed me over so bad, that i know i cannot trust them. how pathetic.

in any case, dan has this group of friends that meet up every now and again for dinner and drinks. and man...do i envy them so much. i cannot even begin to describe how jealous i get. its all because i dont have friends like that. but in case, these guys including dan, have so many memories of each other...a lot of which i dont care about because they pertain to other females, but whatever you know. if dan will cheat, i have no control over that. i just need to believe that he wont. i cannot categorize him as such , because he was the only person that convinced me to love again. i must admit- i was pretty adamant about that. i was okay with just having him as a boy toy, a booty call, a good dinner out and free drinks. but it turned in to love. quite shocking for me actually in my young age where dudes come dime a dozen...or do they? to a once broken heart?

who the hell knows huh. in any instance, i explained all this to dan, and what he said to me was...my friends are now your friends. but are they? when the going gets tough - they will always be dan's friends. i'm sure dan has said this to his ex. ... and i am dead positive i know how she feels when he said that to her. its a girl thing that dan will never understand. ever. sorry honey. its a girl thing.

but it always got me to thinking...ya i know as much i need to know about dan, but do i really know him? do i know all the different sides of dan that i need to know? how do i know he's not keeping something from me? how do i know he doesnt have a whole other email address to see what else is out there? how do i not know that he is working out when he says he is? how do i not know that he's doing this or that? truth is. i will never know. i just have the faith in him and trust that he says he's doing what he is doing. i'm sure there are sides of dan that i dont know. its either a matter of time that they will come out or time where he will really disappoint me, but that is what you gamble when you fall in love with someone and dont know the entire history about them.

i have learned to keep everything in the open. dan has my passwords to everything...from my email address to my bank accounts to god knows what else. do i have those same privileges? i sure DO NOT. what do i feel about that? a little uneasy, but i have trust that he converses with others in a manner that is not flirtatious or in any way jeopardizing what we have built together. and.....and...if it does, then i am the fool. i have always been the fool and i dont care if i am the fool because i can honestly say that i have given it my ALL. dan knows every aspect of my life, he knows what i have been through...from my struggles to my triumphs and it is the best i can give him.

it all comes down to life being a looking glass. are you really seeing what you are seeing or only what you want to see?

why?

i understand that people have an insatiable hunger to create drama and in turn feed off of it. but why? someone answer me this.

i work in cubicle land. where i work, its hard not to hear the ins and outs of people's lives. i'm not sure why people voluntarily speak about things that would be, to a normal person, private. but then again, whose normal these days? i guess that answers that.

the clash of people's backgrounds, credentials, upbringings and learning curves all play a role in how the whole will interact with each other. you see, where i work, there are all kinds of folks. i mean, we're almost our own melting pot. its kinda neat because there's always a different perspective - depending on who you talk to. with this said, why badger someone for an achievement they have worked so hard in getting? why belittle them for going an extra mile in life? why?

as dan puts it - its because they are insecure. in every shape and form, dan is probably 98.9% correct. but its so sad that someone would go out of their way to make someone feel...so...degraded almost for earning an achievement.

humans are humans, we all make our mistakes and we all triumph at something great in our life. but why is the human race so vicious towards each other. the world truly is a dog eat dog world. i guess this is what humans were destined to do. you see, i earned a degree in sociology. so i know a fair amount of how to perceive things in different perspectives all from people watching. sociology is the study of people, and i have to admit studying people and watching people really intrigues me. i have learned to categorize people by how they interact with others, and so on and so forth. i studied this crap for 4 years of my life. i think i know what i'm talking about...and i definitely know what i'm thinking. but i have never been able to understand the human race and the interactions we all engage in. granted, i never have been able to figure out the animal kingdom other than the strongest will survive. but that doesnt always hold true for the human race. or does it? you tell me.

Hump Day

that's right folks - today is hump day. congrats to all of you who have managed to make it this far in the work week. the week for me...has been long - kinda. you see, there's nothing to really do right now at work. its like the calm before the storm because next month is when all hell breaks loose and overtime begins. yep folks, i will be putting in more than 40 hours a day and probably even working 6 days out of the week. how depressing, you might say. but no, not really. i need the money for the holidays. a huge chunk of what i'm making is being saved for a house and the other chunk goes to gas while the small remainder thats left goes to my daily expenses that keeps me going. so...when over time comes, i dont mind having a few extra bills in my wallet, granted i have to work for it, but my job is pretty easy compared to many of you out there. so i cant complain.

this week, i have vowed to myself that i am going to stick to a workout regimen. the idea at this point is to work out at least 6 days out of the week. i'm going on my honeymoon at the very beginning of february and i will be damned if i'm the only fat woman or out of shape woman on those new zealand beaches. so...to make sure this doesnt happen i am working out extra hard. dangit, i hope it pays off. for my sake and dan's sake.

life as i know it is great. i cant complain about anything really except that its freaking HOT out here. i've been asked many times and continue to be asked how married life is...and the answer is, it hasn't changed from before. i've only acquired another piece of jewelry on my finger and a marriage certificate from the county of san diego officially deeming us husband and wife. things are great. we're both happy and very much in love. we are really enjoying where we are in life right now.

hump day is nearing its end....

weathered

so for the last couple of days - monday to be exact, i have been under the weather. it sux bad. i ended up getting sick on sunday and it really hit me on monday. thank goodness i had already planned to have tuesday and wednesday off for a biopsy. so it kinda hit me at the right time. i called in sick today to kick the rest of it - so hopefully tomorrow i will be in full gear to work when i get there. i'm actually looking forward to it, becuase i dont deal too well with being home bound. as a matter of fact, i get anxious sitting here at home. and poor dan, when he comes home i'm just bouncing off the walls...and all he wants to do is relax.

the doctors visit on tuesday went well except for the fact that my parents showed up. that was awkward. my mom was in the room with me the entire exam...and it was really uncomfortable. it wasn't like i invited her either, she kinda just barged in and welcomed herself to join us. really weird, but whatever.

then i just got sicker and sicker after that. i think today is the only day that i feel somewhat normal. my body doesnt ache anymore. all i've got left is a headache i cant shake off and endless blows of snot coming out of my nose. once i get rid of all that, i should be good to go. in any event, i knew it was coming. the last time i got sick was in january. i was long over due. i usually get sick at least 3 times a year.

well, i better get my ass on that couch and relax so all this will be over tomorrow. thank goodness today is so much cooler.