This week seemed like a whirlwind but filled with drama. Hannah and I got into a scuffle over cookies I donated to her school for the winter dance. She was annoyed that the cookies I bought weren't the normal Oreo and Chips Ahoy flavors nor were they nut allergy friendly. I bought seasonal flavors I thought the kids would enjoy. There was no note on the donation form to only buy normal flavor nor was there a note about it needing to be nut allergy friendly. Needless to say, she got an attitude with me and I developed one back and told her there's no winning with her.
Its the outbursts like these that make me question what type of relationship we will have as she ages or if we'll have one at all because it feels no matter what I do it's wrong and will always be wrong. So from my pov what's the point of trying when she will turn it around on me and make me feel like shit for doing what I feel is something nice.
We didn't speak all week. I refused to speak to her or extend an olive branch for how horrible she handled the situation and how she treated me. It wasn't until Saturday night as I was in bed ready to close the day out that she apologized. The worse part is, it didnt sound genuine. It felt very scripted as if to check the box off so I wouldn't keep her from going to Zoeys birthday gathering on Sunday. The air between us still very cold and I imagine it will be for some time. What a way to start my birthday week celebrations when this time of year is already tough from missing my parents during the holiday season. Something I feel my kids and husband dont care about what im feeling nor going through. So now I do what I always do, smile and hide my feelings and pretend all is well until I can't bare it anymore and I burst. Who knows what that will cost me in the future. But at this point I just dont care anymore.
The only thing im looking forward to this week is getting my tattoo that I've been wanting for several years now. Its a tribute to my parents, my roots and my upbringing.
