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I had a 2 day work week leading up to PTO until January 2nd.  We started the week off at the cemetery to wish my parents a Merry Christmas and to acknowledge my dad's 8 year death anniversary.   Then we did Christmas at moms on Christmas Eve with Paul's family, Pauline, Che and Sophia. We ended up pulling down the driveway tarps because the winds were so bad that the top was lifting off the poles. One pole hit my car, luckily no damage.

The kids opened their Christmas Eve sacks filled with goodies and the yearly matching pajamas. 

Christmas was just us this year at home. It was super rainy. We cooked a prime rib and potatoes and feasted on it and left overs from Christmas Eve. 

Friday was also a very chill day filled with nothing but being home.  On Saturday I got almost all the brown dye cut off my hairs.  I buzzed Tyler's hair down to a 6 since he didnt want the blonde anymore.  Hannah spent the day at a friend's house. So Tyler and I took advantage and went down to watch the sunset at Crystal Pier and had Mr. Moto's for dinner.  

On Sunday I started to build Tyler's closet funko pop display case. I have the base built now I just need to build the display case.  

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It was a busy week.  I spent Tuesday in the office facilitating another meeting for a coworker who was under the weather.  Met some really great people that I'll be working with next year.   

I got myself a new tattoo to for my birthday on Thursday. Its a memorial tattoo for my parents.  I got a gardenia for my dad, orchids for my mom, sampaguitas which were my favorite flowers from my dad's garden and the Filipino sun for my roots.  

Tyler went to his first Winter Formal with a bunch of friends at SDSU.  He had a great time.  

I turned 45 on Friday. Started the day at Hannah's school with her receiving the Principal's award.  Then we went to Lowes for my bday present. Dan bought me a big daddy tool storage system. Im really excited to unwrap it and organize my tools in it.  Then they took me to Rodizio Brazilian Restaurant. It was very similar to Fogo de Chao but much closer to home.  I really enjoyed the garlic beef and pichana meat.  Would love to go back some day.  The kids did okay with it but we need to prep them the next time we go so we really get our money's worth.

Overall it was a great week.  

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This week seemed like a whirlwind but filled with drama.  Hannah and I got into a scuffle over cookies I donated to her school for the winter dance.  She was annoyed that the cookies I bought weren't the normal Oreo and Chips Ahoy flavors nor were they nut allergy friendly.    I bought seasonal flavors I thought the kids would enjoy. There was no note on the donation form to only buy normal flavor nor was there a note about it needing to be nut allergy friendly.  Needless to say, she got an attitude with me and I developed one back and told her there's no winning with her.  

Its the outbursts like these that make me question what type of relationship we will have as she ages or if we'll have one at all because it feels no matter what I do it's wrong and will always be wrong.  So from my pov what's the point of trying when she will turn it around on me and make me feel like shit for doing what I feel is something nice. 

We didn't speak all week.  I refused to speak to her or extend an olive branch for how horrible she handled the situation and how she treated me.  It wasn't until Saturday night as I was in bed ready to close the day out that she apologized.  The worse part is, it didnt sound genuine. It felt very scripted as if to check the box off so I wouldn't keep her from going to Zoeys birthday gathering on Sunday. The air between us still very cold and I imagine it will be for some time.  What a way to start my birthday week celebrations when this time of year is already tough from missing my parents during the holiday season. Something I feel my kids and husband dont care about what im feeling nor going through.  So now I do what I always do, smile and hide my feelings and pretend all is well until I can't bare it anymore and I burst. Who knows what that will cost me in the future.  But at this point I just dont care anymore. 

The only thing im looking forward to this week is getting my tattoo that I've been wanting for several years now. Its a tribute to my parents, my roots and my upbringing.   

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This week was pretty uneventful.  We started Christmas shopping for each other. The kids worked together to figure out what theyre getting for each other and so far its been pleasant. 

I have a lot of presents to wrap and get under the tree. 

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It was a busy Thanksgiving week.   I worked Monday and Tuesday unfortunately.  On Tuesday the kids spend time with their Aunt Rhonda doing crafts.  I took an extended lunch to get a tattoo consult for my left upper arm.  I also made an appointment to get the tattoo on Dec 18 at 1130a.  Im super excited about it. On Wednesday I started my day at the dentist, came home to take Sophie a bath then we finished the last 4 episodes of Season 4 then we had a watch party in the evening for Season 5.  We spent Thanksgiving at mom's with Paul's family. On Friday we decorated the house for Christmas. We got the tree up too.  We ended the weekend watching Sophia play Clara at the Nutcracker.

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This week was a bit of whirlwind.  Work has been crazy busy.  The highlight of the week was spending time with Rachelle.  We had lunch at her place on Sunday.  Tyler made some breakfast and we just hanged out. Something we should do more often.  Maybe every other week we will make a point to hang out.  After visiting with her the kids and I went to visit mom and dad. It was a nice end to a long week. 

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We celebrated mom's Babang Luksa or her 1 year death anniversary.  I still cannot believe its been a year since she joined dad in heaven.  

I had a mass scheduled for her but unfortunately we were not able to attend it cause the church changed the time on us with out notifying us.  I was really miffed by that.  So instead we entered the chapel to pray for her.  We then went to the cemetery to pray the rosary for her.  I believe shes in heaven with my dad and my lola and Lolo.  

Ralph came to town on Saturday and he was able to see her for about 10 minutes before it really started to pour rain on us. I think mom and dad are mad at him for being the way he is with the family. 

Paul, Hannah and I had lunch with Kuya Danny, Ate Amy and Che at Crabhut to thank them for coming to celebrate mom's 1 year.  Hopefully we will see them again soon.  

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This week has been a whirlwind.  I was in the office 2 days this week for an offsite.  I spent time with my dear friend Jhinezka and got to meet my teammates I never seen in person.  It was great. 

I took the kids to our first anime convention in Pasadena this weekend.  It was absolutely nuts.  It took us 3 hours to get there, an hour to find parking, 2 hours to register and 5 hours to obtain autographs. Sunday was a more pleasant experience. We arrived for early autograph, waited almost an hour, spent an hour in line hoping Aleks Le shows but never did, waited another hour waiting for an autograph then spent the next 3 hours walking the exhibits.  I probably spent a good thousand dollars there.  

We ended the weekend with dinner with Ed.  

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This was a pretty busy week and it marks the beginning of the now dreadful holiday season.  I used to really love this time of year but now not so much.  A lot of it has to do with losing my parents during this time of year so it makes it tough for me.  I try my best and rally for my kids because I want them to look for forward and love this season like I once did.  Who knows maybe in time I'll love it again.  But for now it still hurts.  

My mom would have been 86 on the 30th. It was her first heavenly birthday.  I hope she enjoyed spending her birthday with my dad again.  I took the day off cause I knew it would be a tough one for me. And it sure was. It hit hard in the evening.  Dan and I went to visit her, then we had lunch together.  Im really glad that he's such a supportive husband.  The kids and I lit a candle for her at Guardian Angels Catholic Church here in town.  I took them to cemetery on Sunday. 

On Friday it was Halloween.  Hannah dressed up as Charlie Brown and Tyler dressed up as an anime character- Sanji. 

On Saturday the kids ran their first 5k at the Thrive half marathon and 5k event.  It was a tough one cause they spent the night trick or treating.  We all finished under 40 minutes which was awesome.