21 of 52 of 2024

I almost forgot my weekly post.  I've been home the last 2 weeks and it's been good.   Work has been super busy though.  I've got to spend a lot of time with Sophie the last 2 weeks.  It's been good for us.  

20 of 52 of 2024

May is always a busy month for us. It usually kicks off with mother's day then we celebrate Tyler's birthday.  This year was his golden birthday according to Hannah.  He turned 14 and was born on the 14th.  

We had birthday dinner, crumbl cookies and gifts. Then we took him and 4 of his friends to watch the movie IF then dinner. He had a good time. It was good to see him with friends. 

Dan and I also celebrated 16 years of marriage.  And I get to be home for 2 weeks.  This will all change once July hits since Ralph's hours got severely cut at work.  

19 of 52 of 2024

Today she told me she wanted to die and I told her ok.  Old me would have cried and told her no. But I'm so fed up of taking care of her and missing out on my family that I'm ok with her dying at this point. It's the most horrible thing to think and say but I'm incredibly fed up with my life or rather the lack of life.  

I already resent my brothers and want nothing to do with them when mom dies. 

18 of 52 of 2024

This week for the kids has been normal. Tyler had state testing so he wasn't too happy about that.  He got is very first step reprimand for not asking permission to interview people during class. He also got in trouble at project safe for showing a 4th grader a meme about black people using the N word and laughing about it.  

Hannah's week was uneventful.  She's gearing up this week for state testing and teacher appreciation week. 

It's been a hard week with mom.  We had her backup caregiver start Thursday. She did so well until breakfast time. Then she just gave up and wouldn't accept the help.  Friday wasn't too bad but Saturday and today have been horrible.  She's very defiant and won't get out of bed and it sets me into a tirad. She told me today they she'll leave and never come back and I told her to go because I'm tired of taking care of her.  I'm seriously tired. My mental health is at all time low.  I contemplate suicide often during the day.  I'm at a point where I'm at peace with leaving Dan and the kids alone. They've been alone for 4 years now and I know they're strong enough to carry on and I'll be a distant memory of being that mom or that wife that couldn't hang with life.  And I'm ok with that.  

In other news Jack was commissioned as a 2nd LT in the Army and graduated from the citadel on Friday and Saturday respectively. I'm proud of him and bummed I couldn't be there...thanks to mom and my asshole brother Paul who won't take care of mom for a few days.