Saturday, May 29, 2021

22 of 52 of 2021


This week I said aloud to the family therapist from the Southern California Resource Center that I've moved in with my mom. This has been my reality since mom was discharged from the hospital on April 27th.  
I spend 20 hours with my mom. I spend 4 hours (give or take an hour) at my own home. Dinners have been extremely important for me because that's the time I get to spend with my kids, husband and dog.  It's during these 4 hours that I can connect with my family.  I find myself upset and angry when things cut into this time. 
I have a lot of guilt because my kids don't have me around as much as I should be. I'm not there when they wake up or when they come home from school. I have guilt because my husband has picked up extra duties around the house and with caring for the kids. He and I rarely have quality time. The 4 hours I'm home I spend w the kids mostly. It's really not fair to him. This isn't what he envisioned his marriage to be. 
I have guilt because if I don't care for my mom then she'll be lonely and confused.  It's this time she needs me the most. More than my kids or husband need me. And I have guilt for wanting and needing to care for her. 
I know there will be a time that comes where she won't even remember me.  It's important I take advantage of these tender times because there won't be any other time than now.  I want to learn everything I can about her and let her know that I'm here for her. 
Today we finally visited my dad. It's been several months since we visited him. 

Saturday, May 22, 2021

21 of 52 of 2021


This week was very busy with work and care taking mom.  Friday night was the first time Sophie came over and stayed the night at Lola's house in a long time.  Anytime she comes over she misses her morning walk.  It isn't safe for me to walk her alone in the neighborhood. 

Saturday, May 15, 2021

20 of 52 of 2021



My boy turned 11 on Friday.  We celebrated his, Hannah and Eva's birthday today at Lola's house. Mom had a good time being around the kids today.  Everyone had a great time!

Saturday, May 8, 2021

19 of 52 of 2021

This was the first full week of staying every night at moms house. It was a busy week between work and the medical assessment from Bonita Home Health.  We had visits from Cheryl who is the RN, Estella the social worker and Tony the Physical Therapist.  Next week will be busier. She has an assessment for occupational therapy, an in clinic visit with Dr. Basu for her dementia assessment and a meeting with a lawyer for estate planning. To end the week we will celebrate the May birthdays.  
The picture above is the girls at moms house spending time with each other for the first time since last Friday night.  Sophie seems pretty happy considering she had the biggest adjustment.  She used to come with me to moms every single day to not coming over at all since mom was taken by ambulance to the emergency room.  
I will continue to hope for better days. The test of better or for WORSE is real right now for me and Dan.  

Saturday, May 1, 2021

18 of 52 of 2021

So this past week has been extremely stressful and life changing.  Saturday April 24th started off like any other Saturday. Dan and I ran errands to Costco and Albertsons like we normally do.  Hannah, Sophie and I went to moms about 1030am.  It was shower day for mom and all went well. We has sushi for lunch. Mom enjoyed the tempura shrimp and soft shell crab. We were watching a movie when she laid down on the couch and dozed off.  All typical things she does.  When I woke her around 2pm to help her back to her bedroom she was fine and even started to sit up and get in a standing position.   Everything after that became scary.   
She sat limp to the right side and was unresponsive.  She was looking right at me but couldn't speak. She grabbed my hand and kept squeezing all the while with her eyes open looking at me.  I called the Kaiser advice line and the nurse advised to call 911.  Mom started to talk and tell me she has a hard time catching her breath and ended up losing her bowels in the process.  I checked her temperature and blood pressure.  Temp was normal. BP was 134/104.  
The fire department and paramedics arrived and coded her stroke. She was taken to Sharp Grossmont.  They performed a CT scan and advised no stoke, brain bleed or blood clot.  She was diagnosed with a severe UTI. They started her on IV antibiotics.  She was later transferred to Kaiser Zion for observation.  
On Sunday she had an MRI.  Results showed moderate dementia.  The doctor advised there are no medications to slow the spread at the stage she is at. We will need to monitor her and adjust.  I arrived around 130pm at the hospital.  She was disoriented and confused still. The nurse advised she didn't eat any breakfast and to bring something for her.  Late Sunday and she was transferred to a lower floor for further observation. 
On Monday she was anxious to go home when I arrived at 830am. All was going well.  She ate breakfast and lunch. She wasn't going to be discharged because her urine culture wasn't received from Grossmknt. I let her know that I was leaving for the day and will be back in the morning.  As I was leaving she became unresponsive again. The nurse called for a rapid response team comprised of ICU staff to triage until her doctor came.  Again they coded her as stroke. She was immediately brought down for a CT. The doctors advised it could be a stroke or seizure. Later that night the doctor called and advised it was not a stroke nor seizure but was a cause of the UTI infection.  The body was pulling strength from the brain to fight the infection thus the unresponsiveness. She was transferred back to the 5th floor to be monitored more closely. 
On Tuesday she was in a better mood. We received news that her urine culture was received and she would be sent home with cipro and culturelle.  She was discharged around 2pm.  
We are now taking the next steps to determine the level of her dementia so we can figure out a plan for her care. 
After the doctor told me her diagnosis of dementia and the tell tale signs it made more sense to me and I wish I would have known earlier so I could get her help earlier. The falls, the confusion, the inability to make a decision and the inability to express pain all fit the characteristics of a dementia patient. Her BP and temp were in the normal range so there wasn't a way for me to know there was something wrong. I attributed her actions to depression. 
6 years ago we were in the hospital with dad due to complications of his prostate cancer. The uneasy and helpless feelings are back again....for my mom this time...  I pray for no to minimal suffering.