moved

we're finally moved in...for the most part at least. there are a few things here and there still at the old place that we need to round up and get out. but the main stuff and necessities are here. its definitely different driving home this way...its a lot farther that what i used to drive the past 2 years, thats for sure. but its good to know that i'm heading towards the shore when i'm going home. something about heading out this way that calms my senses...almost puts me at ease. i hope that one day, ease will come my way.

a lot happened this weekend. a lot of things that i purposely am neglecting to mention because i'm very disappointed in myself. the worse part is, i had a feeling something bad was going to happen. unfortunately them gut feelings were true. the day spiraled downward extremely fast....so fast i couldnt catch myself and just let loose. i spoke a lot of what was on my mind to several people. i almost spoke of many hurtful things that i wish i could take back but cannot. i learned a lot about several people in my life and where i stand with them and them with me. there's a disgust i have that i cannot even begin to describe...of which i will not. but i guarantee that my life is going to change because of it. the dynamic of bonds is definitely something worth revisiting in a later post, perhaps after the fact of ... what ever it is that's going to happen.

my results for my biopsy are still not discovered as of late. i think i know what my fate is with it, i just need to hear it from the doctor. how i'll deal with it, i'm not sure, but what ever decision i make will be both mine and of danny's. ... seeing as though we'll be one unit after the 17th of next month. so he has every say in what i do from here on out, he's actually had a lot of say in what i do for the past year and a half now. its the way life goes. sometimes, its easier to worry about other people and take care of them than yourself. its a lot easier to me. its what i'm good at.

my first fitting for my gown is this thursday. i'm excited but then i'm not. i havent lost the weight i've wanted to, but i've come to terms. ok i need to come to terms. this is how i look and its the bottom line. i can go balls out from now until next month, but i probably wont...unless something unforeseen happens. i just really need to learn to have faith in life. something i have not had in a while. i just need to be optimistic or be happy or something. but my pessimism is taking a toll on danny, and i'm sure if it continues i'll lose him too. here's to getting back on the right track. he asks me to have better days, and i try, i guess not hard enough. so here's to trying harder for better days.....

may the forces be with me.....

annoyed

i have to admit that i have never been as annoyed with people as i am now. The stress of the wedding and of moving has really made me realize how annoying people really are. A lot of it is directly related to the wedding. Some people just dont have common sense. Or rather, they are acting like 16 year olds. Ladies grow the fuck up. We're not teenagers any longer - we're fucking ADULTS in a real world. Act like a civilized human being. This drama you guys are creating for me really isnt good. I dont keep things very well inside and i am bound to go off on your asses and i'm getting really fucking close to doing it.

but in any case, the move is going. we're half way moved. this weekend we'll be living in our new place. i'm excited cause its a new place, but i'm also stressed out cause what comes with moving....the unpacking and figuring where you're gonna put all the stuff. the new place doesnt have a lot of storage space as this place. i will most definitely miss the abundance of cabinets in the kitchen and of course the pantry. if we ever buy a place of our own, it must have a pantry. its an absolute at this point.

we are a month and a week away from the wedding. not too much longer to go. we have everything in order i think. its just a matter of the day coming. i just need to get settled in at the new place so i can really crank out the loose ends for the wedding and really be done with it. the wedding saga continues.....next time.

beginnings

what has happened since the last entry....of easter? a lot i might add. dan and i have a place now...that we can call ours. we didnt buy. we're not ready to buy yet. but we are 2 miles away from the beach. how freaking awesome is that. dan has always wanted to live on the beach, this is as close as we are getting for now. maybe sometime in the future we can be just steps away. its a goal we are trying to move towards. but this place is ours.

this place is the first place we have moved in together. its not me moving in with him or he moving in with me...but we're moving into it together. and thats big for us. soon we'll be making it more homier. its slowly getting there. we've put up our privacy lining on the patios and i'll be painting the bathrooms...yep folks, custom colors on the bathroom. hell i might even paint the whole place by the end of the year. ok, reality check , when will i have time to do that? possible close to never. ahh...but the answer to that is...to make time. i'm not good at make nothing...so we'll see.

anyway, we've moved a little less than half our belongings to the place, and the rest of it will be moved this weekend. dan and the dudes are gonna use their mighty strong muscles they take hours strengthen each day at the gym and move all the heavy stuff. i think the best part of all this, is my big momma grill will be in use once again. and boy i cannot wait. seriously i cannot wait. i have longed for her for a while now. though i doubt dan will want to have many bbq's with friends over....but whose to tell these days. thats probably what i miss the most about having my own place - is the fact that i can invite anyone over just to shoot the shit and have some good eats. maybe dan will come around....my fingers are crossed.

anyway, another thing that is happening this weekend, is the bachelorette party. in all honesty, i'm not that excited about it. its like i'm pretending to be....its a motion i need to go through to get married...its the norm, what everyone does before the big day. so we'll see how this goes. i'll update up sometime next week on that.

anyway, i'm off to go watch the dan play some ball with the old men.....wish em luck....