52 of 52 of 2024

 This was my first Christmas without my parents.  The name of the game for me was to keep busy so I didn't have time to think and cry...and I did just that.  But gosh, my heart still hurts from not having either of them here with me. I'll never hear their voices again. I'll never be able to have a conversation with them.  I can't call them to tell them about what's going on in my life. I'll never be able to touch them or smell them. So much of me feels empty because they're not here and it hurts.  

The pain hurts deeper than I ever thought it would....

This is how I'm closing out 2024...with heart ache and feeling lost.  I hope the new year is better.  

51 of 52 of 2024

So this week was a tough one for me. It was my last week of needing to be at my moms house for at least an hour a day for her spirit.  Saturday was her 40th day death anniversary.  I can't believe it's been 40 days already. We prayed at cemetery with Ate Dolor and Linda the caregiver.  It was nice of them to attend.  

The other thing that happened was Ralph trying to move all his shit out of the house and he royally failed.  He lied about his friend having a full size truck. And he grossly underestimated how much shit he has at moms house.  He thought 6 bins would fit all his crap, boy was he so wrong.  Even his friend George told him he should have rented a small uhaul.  

Anyway. I plan to go to moms house maybe 1 to 2x a week just to make sure all is well.  

50 of 52 of 2024

So this has been the second week I've been going to mom and dad's house.  I've been working from there each morning and coming home around lunch time.  The time their has been really different since mom died.  It's really quiet...eerily quiet.  

Tonight we went to Ate Carol's viewing.  She died about a week after mom passed away. So sudden.  She wasn't much older than Danny. 

I visited mom and dad at the cemetery today. It was nice to see all the wreaths on the markers. I brought one this year because last year dad didn't have a wreath.  

I also changed the altar. I put mom and dad's wedding photo and 2 individual photos of each of them.   

49 of 52 of 2024

So this was my first week back to work.  A full week of really working after mom died on November 11.  

I had to spend 2 days in the office, take part in a community service event and dined with my coworkers.  I like a few people on my team but not many. In fact I'm trying to transfer to a new team but will need to wait until early next year.  I also got passed up for another promotion this year so that really sucks.  This is year 2 and a half on this team and I was hoping to have been promoted by now for all the work I've done. Unfortunately I'm not one of the favorites so it's easy to be passed up.  

Anyway, we got our Christmas tree and decorated the inside of our house.  We weren't able to get a wreath this year so I'm kinda bummed about it. Maybe I'll venture to trader joes this week and see if they have any there.  I also got 3 big poinsettias,1 for moms house and 2 for our house.  

48 of 52 of 2024

I said farewell to my mom this week, on Wednesday, right before Thanksgiving.  Losing her is by far one of the hardest things I'm going thru.  I surely miss her, as much as I despised taking care of her l, I miss her so much. Both my parents are gone.  6 years and about 6 weeks apart.  

The holidays this year will be difficult.  Thanksgiving was rough and I think Christmas will be worse.  Ed and Ralph are both back home.  Kuya Danny leaves next Sunday. With all the family gone, it's just me and an empty house. 

I'll be going over almost every day for at least an hour to give mom some new food, park the car on the driveway so people know someone is still there.  

Unfortunately the brothers are already fighting over the house.  Ralph changed the deadbolt lock and didn't give keys to anyone except me and Kuya Danny.  A war between them is on the horizon. The culprit is Ralph against the other brothers. I will try to remain Switzerland for as long as possible.  I know it my heart that mom and dad are pissed this is all happening.