52 of 52 of 2024

 This was my first Christmas without my parents.  The name of the game for me was to keep busy so I didn't have time to think and cry...and I did just that.  But gosh, my heart still hurts from not having either of them here with me. I'll never hear their voices again. I'll never be able to have a conversation with them.  I can't call them to tell them about what's going on in my life. I'll never be able to touch them or smell them. So much of me feels empty because they're not here and it hurts.  

The pain hurts deeper than I ever thought it would....

This is how I'm closing out 2024...with heart ache and feeling lost.  I hope the new year is better.  

51 of 52 of 2024

So this week was a tough one for me. It was my last week of needing to be at my moms house for at least an hour a day for her spirit.  Saturday was her 40th day death anniversary.  I can't believe it's been 40 days already. We prayed at cemetery with Ate Dolor and Linda the caregiver.  It was nice of them to attend.  

The other thing that happened was Ralph trying to move all his shit out of the house and he royally failed.  He lied about his friend having a full size truck. And he grossly underestimated how much shit he has at moms house.  He thought 6 bins would fit all his crap, boy was he so wrong.  Even his friend George told him he should have rented a small uhaul.  

Anyway. I plan to go to moms house maybe 1 to 2x a week just to make sure all is well.  

50 of 52 of 2024

So this has been the second week I've been going to mom and dad's house.  I've been working from there each morning and coming home around lunch time.  The time their has been really different since mom died.  It's really quiet...eerily quiet.  

Tonight we went to Ate Carol's viewing.  She died about a week after mom passed away. So sudden.  She wasn't much older than Danny. 

I visited mom and dad at the cemetery today. It was nice to see all the wreaths on the markers. I brought one this year because last year dad didn't have a wreath.  

I also changed the altar. I put mom and dad's wedding photo and 2 individual photos of each of them.   

49 of 52 of 2024

So this was my first week back to work.  A full week of really working after mom died on November 11.  

I had to spend 2 days in the office, take part in a community service event and dined with my coworkers.  I like a few people on my team but not many. In fact I'm trying to transfer to a new team but will need to wait until early next year.  I also got passed up for another promotion this year so that really sucks.  This is year 2 and a half on this team and I was hoping to have been promoted by now for all the work I've done. Unfortunately I'm not one of the favorites so it's easy to be passed up.  

Anyway, we got our Christmas tree and decorated the inside of our house.  We weren't able to get a wreath this year so I'm kinda bummed about it. Maybe I'll venture to trader joes this week and see if they have any there.  I also got 3 big poinsettias,1 for moms house and 2 for our house.  

48 of 52 of 2024

I said farewell to my mom this week, on Wednesday, right before Thanksgiving.  Losing her is by far one of the hardest things I'm going thru.  I surely miss her, as much as I despised taking care of her l, I miss her so much. Both my parents are gone.  6 years and about 6 weeks apart.  

The holidays this year will be difficult.  Thanksgiving was rough and I think Christmas will be worse.  Ed and Ralph are both back home.  Kuya Danny leaves next Sunday. With all the family gone, it's just me and an empty house. 

I'll be going over almost every day for at least an hour to give mom some new food, park the car on the driveway so people know someone is still there.  

Unfortunately the brothers are already fighting over the house.  Ralph changed the deadbolt lock and didn't give keys to anyone except me and Kuya Danny.  A war between them is on the horizon. The culprit is Ralph against the other brothers. I will try to remain Switzerland for as long as possible.  I know it my heart that mom and dad are pissed this is all happening.  

47 of 52 of 2024

So this post is pretty late. It was my first week back at work after mom passed away. It was a pretty tough week because I couldn't concentrate on much of anything. On Sunday, I was able to see mom for the first time after she passed away.  

The mortician did a wonderful job of prettying her up. A lot of people complimented how beautiful she was and how it looks as though she's sleeping.  

Mom, I hope you're at peace now and together again with dad.  I sure miss you and will always love you....

46 of 52 of 2024

So this week has been pretty tough.  Losing mom has by far been the hardest thing I'm going thru.  The waves of emotions is crazy tough with them coming and going as the day progresses with no notice whatsoever. 

We finalized her services this week.  We'll be able to visit with her on November 24, 25 and 26 from 5-9p at Glenn Abbey then her last mass will be November 27 at 11a at St John of the Cross with Father Emilio then she'll be laid to rest at Miramar National Cemetery with my dad at 115p.  

I just uploaded 210 photos of her for family and friends to see. 

I'm hoping to finish her Eulogy this week.

I still need to call the cemetery and church to finalize those arrangements.  Hoping to be finished with all this by mid week.  

45.1 of 52 of 2024

My mom passed away today at 603 am.   I held her hand as she exhaled her last breath. 

She briefly squeezed my hand.  

I miss her so much already.

10.30.1939 - 11.11.2024

45 of 52 of 2024

This week has been a tough one.  The nurse advised mom has no more than a week, which means she won't make it past this Wednesday. 

Shes suffering now and all I can do is pray and hope she goes peacefully. 

A few family and friends came by to say their last goodbyes.  It's been really tough watching mom wither away so slowly.

It's great to see how many love her.  The finality of this has not set in yet for me.  

44 of 52 of 2024

So Hannah dressed up and went trick or treating with a couple friends this year. 

Mom had a lot of visitors this week.  Ate Oliva and her husband Tom came Monday. Shaune, Ate Evelyn and Kuya Chris came on Friday.  Uncle Romy, Che, Sophia, Phil and Angie came on Saturday.  Then MahJay and Auntie Josie came today along with their families.  

It's been very bitter sweet seeing these people.  This will likely be the last time they see her alive.  

With Ed visiting it seems mom is waiting for Kuya Danny before she can peacefully go. 

43 of 52 of 2024

This week was okay, it was my first full week at mom's.  

I went to the office on Wednesday and saw many people I used to work with and met folks in person for the first time. It was nice to talk to other adults outside of people at my mom's house. 

Hannah got her school pictures back this week and she looks a lot like her dad's family.  

42 of 52 of 2024

Work life has been slow. I'm appreciating the downtime.

Home life is okay. It was my last week at home.  I'm back at moms for 2 weeks before Ralph or Ed arrive on the 31st. 

Mom is doing okay.  She's comfortable. Her cousin Romeo came down to visit from San Bernardino.  His mom is my moms aunt, the last of the Lacuatas alive.  

41 of 52 of 2024

Life this week was pretty busy.  Work life was busy with running reports and getting my feet wet with something new.  

Home life was busy too. Kids are doing great at school. We all got our Covid booster and flu shots on Saturday.  Tyler and I are dealing with the after effects of it.  Hannah and Dan seem to handle vaccines better.  

Mom os stable. We're 2 weeks into hospice. Mom seems to have bounced back a little.  She really likes her caregiver Linda.  She eats and drinks better when she's around.   She didn't poop for almost 2 weeks and today she had a small bowel movement in her diaper.  I've never been happier to see a poop diaper in my life until today. 

Ate Beth, Auntie Estac and Ate Amanda came to visit from Oxnard this weekend.  It was really nice for them to make the trip down to see mom.  She'll have a few more visitors coming thru as she continues her life.  Liza Adamos also came to visit before she left for a 2 week vacation to Europe.  She views mom as her 2nd mom.  Shes worried she will pass while she's in Europe but I think she will be around until at least Thanksgiving.