26 of 52 of 2021

This little girl has been my sidekick with just about everything.  She goes with me every where I go; from running errands to staying the night at Lola's house.  The picture is of her sleeping in.  

Our life has been anything but normal since mom was diagnosed with dementia.  I've been staying the night since the end of April. I go home for about 2 to 4 hours a day to spend time with my family then head back to moms to stay the night and do it all over again. 

Ralph has been coming to stay with mom for about 2 weeks at a time which allows me to recharge at home with my family and catch up with them. This I'm grateful for. 

How am I doing? Well I'm barely holding it together.  I'm exhausted. I'm angry.  I'm resentful.  I'm everything in between the extremes. I'm slowly losing control of everything I feel like. I've gained all the weight I worked so hard to lose the last 2 years because I don't have the proper equipment to exercise at moms nor can I afford to buy the equipment.  I've been trying to plan out what changes I need to make so I can get back on track with my health and fitness goals because that's about all i have control over in my life right now and it will help with my mental health. 

25 of 52 of 2021

This is the 3rd Father's Day without my dad. Each year gets a little less painful but it's still never the same. 

Dan isn't a hallmark holiday type of guy so we hardly ever celebrate Father's Day. I was able to come home at a decent time to have dinner with the family.  

24 of 52 of 2021

This week started off pretty awesome but ended on a low.  Mom's back was hurting on Thursday and impacted her ability to communicate and self care.   She essentially shut down. She wasn't able to speak, eat, drink nor walk.   On Thursday night her breathing was getting worse so I decided to call the on call nurse and they advised that we bring her to the ER.  When she breathes there is an audible whistle and her ability to take in a breath is slightly labored. 

We arrived at the ER shortly after 9am and wasn't discharged until a little after 5pm.   The doctors ran a lot of tests and were not able to find anything wrong with her heart, lungs, urine nor lab results so were sent home with a recommendation to request a sleep study for sleep apnea.   

2 ER visits about 5 weeks apart is not a good thing.  

23 of 52 of 2021

Hannah turned 9 this week on May 31st at 0921am. She is full of character. She loves to dance and sing and is the most caring and feisty little girl I know. 

She's going to do great things!  I know it!