Rhythm & Harmony

39 weeks and counting

2010-04-29T13:43:00.000-07:00

Today I am 39 weeks and 1 day into my pregnancy. I do not remember a time where my body has felt so unlike my own...so many changes have occurred and will continue to occur. I remember hearing women comment that some love being pregnant while others hate it. I think I fall towards the - I don't like being pregnant crowd, but don't quite hate it. It's a sacrifice I have agreed to take in order to be a mom and Danny a dad. I do believe that having children is a gift and am very excited that I can bare my own children to create a family for Danny and me.

Throughout the pregnancy I always wondered if I will be a good enough mother to my son, if I can provide for him in ways he needs me to, if I can offer opportunities for him to grow and succeed and if I can make him happy yet discipline him to be humble. The only answer I can come up with is...time will tell. I do believe that maternal instincts kick in and will take over, and I will be ready for that. I have no doubt in my mind that Danny will be a wonderful father to our son. It makes me so happy to hear the excitement in his voice when he says "we're gonna be parents" and to see the love in his eyes when he says it to me. I couldn't have asked for a better man to marry. I am grateful and very lucky I have him beside me through this experience. I have faith that we will support each other in raising our son the best we can.

As the days progress and labor and delivery become closer and closer, the more anxious, nervous and excited I become. I will admit, that having Tyler will complete me...my life. I have everything that I have ever wanted in the world... a loving husband, a child and a sound career. I am so filled with happiness that I do not know how to show it or express it, other than thank my lucky stars.

I know the day Tyler is born will be an unforgettable one. It will be filled with so many emotions. My life - our lives will change - and all for the better. I am ready for the change. I look forward to what the future will hold.

Life is good!

jury duty

2009-05-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

last tuesday i was summoned to jury duty...and unfortunately this time around, i didnt have any excuses to give to get myself out of it. in the past i got away with being a full time student and working for a company that really didnt give a rat's tail about jury duty, so they wouldnt pay you to do your civic duty- financial hardship.

this was the first time i had ever been called to a courtroom...the process is quite tedious and time consuming, but i had no other choice than to roll with the motions. right of the bat, i was assigned seat 7 in the panel and maintained the spot. tuesday was rather uneventful day because there was absolutely no progress made in jury selection, all 47 of us had to report back to court on wednesday.... not very many happy people. me on the other hand, possessed the whatever attitude about it. i didnt care either way.

i reported back wednesday morning at 930. about 11am they began thanking and excusing possible jurors. out of sheer boredom i prayed to the jury gods to get me out of that place. but my prayers were not answered. they dismissed us for 3 hour lunch. yep....3 hours in downtown. what the hell was i going to do with myself. what better place to waste time than the mall. so i made the short walk there and decided i wanted to go shopping. i hit up macy's but a couple items of clothing then hit the vans store and bought 2 pairs of shoes. having felt guilty after the vans store i made my way out of the mall and headed to la salsa for lunch. as i was eating, i though to myself...crap, being down here this close to the mall is dangerous for my wallet. i promised myself that if i had to come back on thursday i would not go the mall and eat nor walk around. i headed back to the courtroom and was situated in my seat. there they were through the remaining prospectives and dismissed most of them. at 345pm i was sworn in to be a juror. shit - i thought. after being dismissed i hastily made my way out of the courtroom to the hall of justice were i snagged my trolley pass and clocked out.

i was on that phone like no other trying to get a hold of my work. i swear my work place is the hardest place to get a hold of someone. well, i wasnt able to actually talk to anyone, so i left messages hoping they would get it in the morning. i notified that i was selected and the judge expects the trial to last to tuesday but will not know anything for sure until friday possibly monday. at that time, i was almost relieved i was chosen. especially after the stories i have been hearing about work...thank god i am not there working my ass off. i actually dont mind sitting on my rump for 5 hours a day listening to people talk. as a matter of fact, the whole process is quite interesting to me.

the lectures from college really are all falling into place. i'm finally able to make connections from what i've learned in college. its a relief actually, makes me happy that i didnt pay 18k for an education that seemed useless at the time.

thursday - we were instructed to report back at 10am. which i did. the morning was so damn boring...this judge talks so slow and repeats himself every other sentence it seems like. in any event the case finally started. opening arguments were presented and presentation of the evidence began......now it gets interesting.....finally.....

today i am to report to the court at 11am...yes folks, that's 11am. i'll tell you this much, i am not used to having the morning to myself. so here i am blogging...about to get into an abdominal and lower body workout from the comforts of my own home......

jury duty really aint so bad....

TGIF

2009-04-17T18:07:00.000-07:00

finally its friday....

this week has really been a crazy week. i guess every now and again everyone gets into a slump...well, i cant quite say this is a slump...its a brought on stress...self induced. i am pretty known for this i guess. well my hubby says so at least.

the current work situation has been stressful in its own way. i am the go-to person for my sups and well they rely on me to get things done. i'm good for the job and quite reliable. I like the work they give me it really beats cleaning up other people's screw ups. but for whatever reason this week was just out right weird.

it started off weird. i was given this new report to work and had barely gotten to it because the phone calls kept coming in - one right after the other. i mean we barely had time to drink water between phone calls. i dont really mind it busy because it makes the day go by fast, but the continuous work really gets you by wednesday. and it sure got to me wednesday.

on top of the work situation...i have a reunion to plan. who woulda known i would be this responsible for a reunion. i'm not too worried about it because only a handful of people are interested in going. i plan on having progress next month on this reunion deal.

then...after that...on to planning mom's surprise 70th. i know i will have to do this myself too becuase well...the brothers arent so reliable...they are actually quite bossy...a lot of talk no walk. i just dont fly like that. so i will take the reins on this too.

see what i mean by self induced...i'm too much of a busy body to relax...hell, if i have nothing to do i get bored...so i constantly need things to do.

***sigh***

i'm just glad its friday...i need a drink or three...

a time to reflect

2009-03-29T18:47:00.000-07:00

after hearing some tragic news today, i couldnt help but reflect on my own life.

it started with a text notifying me that one of my past managers just passed away today. mind you, this person was only 24 or 25. she was new to marriage and just gave birth to her son only a month ago. apparently she was on her way home from visiting her parents when she was struck by a car that was drag racing. the baby made it out fine but she died on the operating table.

i couldnt help but think. as spuds put it, when someone dies it usually forces you to sit and think about your life. and in truth it does...so here i am thinking...about life...

death at an early age always touches me. I have lost quite a few friends to the mercy of others, and its never fair when it happens. I know that when its your time to go then its your time to go - there's no negotiating involved. but to pass in tragedy unexpectedly...where does that leave you?

each and every day millions of people drive out on the roads...expecting that those fellow drivers expect the same from everyone else around them, but do they? there's that unspoken trust that we put in each driver. a trust that we hope is not breached from drunk driving, from those that have a need to drag race, from those that are emotionally unstable, from those that just dont give a fuck about themselves.

this person that lost her life today was quite a character. she always wanted what was best and really didnt sweat the small stuff. she was an assistant manager at such a young age, she had a lot going for her. she found her happiness in her family and friends. she was liked by many. she will be missed.

i express my deepest condolences to her family and friends...

....may you rest in peace....may perpetual light shine upon you.

New Zealand

2009-02-17T20:20:00.000-08:00

New Zealand has come and gone. we had the greatest time in the world. we did our own touring of New Zealand and of course did honeymoon stuffs. no need to elaborate there. we were in new zealand for 12 days. each day was filled with absolutely gorgeous scenery. i mean you just couldnt believe your eyes most days. it was almost like being in a dream where everything almost seemed perfect.

dan did a great job picking the place and having everything set for when we got there. the honeymoon suite was amazing and the room at skycity was comfortable. it was what we needed to end the trip. did i mention, that there was a rainbow the last day we were there, that showed itself as we sat in the airport...it was almost magical.

in the trip, we chilaxed at the beach, walked on a privately owned volcano, walked the redwood forest, rode a gondola, luged down some tracks, zorbed and definitely sight see'd. we unfortunately were not able to swim with the dolphins as the weather just did not permit. we were really bummed about it. darn storms in the pacific.

the culture there was rather mixed. it was definitely a melting pot of many races, ages and sexes. it almost seemed like home. we didnt feel like outsiders nor stick out like a sore thumb.

the honeymoon was a success. the best part was having dan to myself for 12 days living the high life in paradise....

the honeymoon finally arrives

2009-01-31T22:56:00.000-08:00

8 months and approximately 2 weeks later...dan and i are finally leaving on a plane to go to new zealand. i cannot even begin to describe how excited we are. we have had this trip booked for a while now...and here it finally is. we dont really have much planned except to fly out tomorrow, touch down in auckland, wait a couple hours until the car rental place opens, drive southwest to a beach resort off the coast of bay of plenty. we do know, however, that we want to do a day trip to an island, chill out with some dolphins and climb a volcano. we've got 2 weeks to do it, with absolutely no pressure....which will be nice for a change.

dan has experienced a lot of job related stress. i dont know if i can call it stress really, but he has faced a lot of people being laid off. a lot of these people have been at his company longer that he has with a richer skill set almost. this past week has been a nightmare for him. i sensed it in him all week...so now i think is a great time to break away from it and relax a little. he has some tough times ahead of him this coming year. i know he'll succeed in what ever he sets his mind too.

i, on the other hand, am still here. i've been working my toosh off at work....was even announced employee of the 4th quarter of 2008. the work never ends where i am at. some days i hate it and some days i dont mind it. i've been hating it for the past few weeks now just because of the anticipation of having 2 weeks off. i did tie up loose ends and took care of most everything, so i feel good about leaving.

i am sure i will have a lot of to write about when i get back, but the true test will be, if i even get to it. look forward to some cool pictures of new zealand in a couple of weeks.

paradise...here we come....

nightmare

2009-01-25T20:09:00.000-08:00

yesterday was quite a nightmare for me. no...wait...the ending of yesterday was a nightmare for me. the day had gone perfectly well, up until the gas pedal stopped working on the I-5 south in santa ana. i'd rented a minivan to carpool my parents and their friends to a gathering in los angeles. the timing of the day was awesome. we had left when i expected and were on the road back home at a descent hour. no complaints what so ever. the auro in the minivan was nice too. everyone had a great time at the gathering and were relieved that we would be back in san diego before 9pm...which i thought was awesome cause that meant i could return the minivan that same night.

it was just a couple hundred feet before we reached the First street/ fourth street exit 104a that the gas pedal stopped working and the check engine light came on. i had no where to go but to pull over on the left side of the highway near exit ramp 55 south, and at that same time the van coasted as far left as i can get her, i instinctively yelled FUCK. keep in mind, the folks in the van are seniors. i had surprised them. i knew at that moment i was up shit creek. it was dark out, cars were zooming by us at dangerous speeds. i quickly grabbed my dads cell phone and dialed enterprises's roadside assistance. i was on the phone with them for no kidding 2 hours. the fuckers kept hanging up on me. the first person i spoke with was mario. he seemed nice at first and eventually hung up on me. i called back and spoke to another person who'd transferred me to ana at AAA who, ironically was the same person mario spoke to when i'd called. so she thankfully knew what the situation was. while on the phone with ana, the line disconnected. so i called back a 3rd time. this time pissed off as all hell.

at this time i had noticed a chp car causing a break in traffic. he came up to the window to see what the hell i was doing. he realized we were in car trouble and decided to push us off the highway. he was nice enough to push us onto 4th street and mulberry. officer peterson was a graet help to get us out of danger. i was very thankful for his aid. he stayed with us for as long as he could - then he left to answer another call.

finally i'd called back and spoke to michael. at this time i demanded that i speak to a manager. i was then connected to michael who works out of Louisiana. he was asking me for my location, i repeatedly told him i was at 4th and mulberry in santa ana. this fucker...had hte audacity to tell me .... sorry i have no idea what you're talking about i'm working out of Louisiana. oh man, my blood started boiling. are you seriously fucking kidding me. you're asking me how far i am from lax? you're the goddamn manager and your asking me to figure out the specifics of my location. bitch plug that coordinate into yahoo and you'll see where i'm at. during this feud, scott the tow guy came to take the van. i told him i was in no way or shape ready to give up this van without a replacement or a cabbie. i was not about to stand out on the fucking corner in harms way in an area where officer peterson told us not to leave our windows open. oh hell no.

scott stuck around. in the meanwhile, i was still on the phone with michael. he had me on conference call trying to get a hold of the enterprise at john wayne. it took him 25 min to finally get through the phone maze. erik from john wayne instructed that a minivan was ready for me. the problem was...i had to take a cab there. ok no big deal until michael said we'd have to pay our fare. seriously? you rented me a fucked up vehicle and you expect me to pay a $50 cab fare to pick up another vehicle? at this time profanities came out of my mouth. i agreed to pay the cab since that would be the only way to get us off the damn corner.

scott asked if i had a aaa card. and of course, i did. he suggested that he can tow me 1 way up to 100 miles. quizzically i asked...can you fight 6 in your cab? he answered, why not? i looked over my shoulder and realized that he had a crew cab. i felt relieved. i convinced everyone that it would be better and faster for scott to tow us down to san diego. so we all piled into the tow truck. i know that what scott did was illegal since we all did not have seat belts, but he was risking that for us. he totally provided great customer service. i was very impressed by him. he was a great guy, good humored and very helpful. he finally got us into the enterprise return lot at 951. talk about bad publicity for your future customers to see that a vehicle was being towed back.

i'd spoken to a brian and told him my situation and he looked at me like i was a lunatic. he insisted on telling me that the car wasnt working because i had the gears in manual. at that time i looked at him and asked him...if the car was in manual, wouldnt you think that the gas pedal would work? i asked him to explain to me how the gas pedal would stop working if the gears were in manual but would work in automatic? seriously this guy was clueless. so i insisted in saying that the gas pedal would work whether the gears were in automatic or manual. it doesnt take Einstein to figure that out. that is driving 101. give me break brian, even the retard of all retards would know a gas pedal would work either way. not so macho now are you? well, brian decided at that point, he would shave off 1/2 the price of the rental. i told him to cash me out and that was that. oh and to make a peace offering, he gave me a 2 upgrade coupon for free. wow, like that was supposed to make it all better.

needless to say, a trip that would have normally taken 2 hours to get home took 4 hours. the night was very eventful. did i mention, that we had to pass through the scales to get weighed on the highway, and that i had to ride bitch between my dad and scott? note to self, never rent a minivan from the san diego branch again. i've been renting from enterprise for quite a few years now, and this was the first bad experience for me. and you know, sometimes it only takes the 1 bad experience to steer you away from doing things another time around.

to top things off...i came down with a cold. what a weekend. i cannot wait for next weekend, new zealand here we come.

gone with the old, in with the new

2009-01-01T09:53:00.000-08:00

2008 has come and is now gone. lets take a glimpse of what happened in 2008 for me. where do I start?

probably the first thing that happened to me was my new job at Kaiser. it came unexpectedly actually. i knew, that i wanted out of the depot, but i never thought that i'd get set up with a new job by the end of the year to start off 2008 with a more stable and better paying job.

the second thing that happened was the move. i had moved around quite a bit before 2008. dan and i decided that we would move to pb to start our new married life together...so we moved right before the wedding.

the third thing that happened was the wedding. the wedding was the icing on top of the cake. it was a royal, and when i say royal, i mean ROYAL pain in my ass. ok...not so much the wedding, but the wedding planning. boy was i relieved when it was over. but i must say, the wedding was the best thing that ever happened to me in 2008. i dont think anything can surpass that...but we'll see what 2009 holds.

the fourth thing that happened...well, this is no fourth thing. i had 3 big things happen all at the beginning of the year. the last half of the year was smooth sailing.

whats in store for 2009? i do know of one thing for sure...and...thats the honeymoon we have put off for so dang long. come february 1st we will be on a long plane ride to new zealand. dan and i can cannot wait. i'm sure i will be counting down the days. its a trip that we have both been waiting for...a once in a lifetime type of deal.

i wish all of you happiness, love and success in the new year!!!

28

2008-12-20T16:03:00.001-08:00

yesterday was my 28th birthday. i guess this officially ranks me to be in my late twenties. dan threw me a lil birthday bash at southbeach bar and grill in ob. we then made our way to sunshine company so the guys can play pool. the turn out was good, it could have been better. my friends...flaked out again...well...at least the ones that told me they were coming...those that forewarned me...no big deal. anyway, i had good company. all of dan's friends came out, so that was nice of all them. i didnt get as drunk as i thought i'd get. though...i did puke...courtesy of jim. he bought me this shot that was horrid. it was sweet as all hell, but tasted like black licorice and peppermint. i dont do black licorice and i definitely dont like peppermint. i was peer pressured into sucking it down, about 10 min later i headed out the bar and puked in the corner. it felt so much better afterwards. note to self, never take that shot again. dan was great the whole nite. i was really nervous about him being able to have fun since there was a certain someone there that he's not very fond of. but he ended up having a great time, even being the dd. he didnt drink as much as i thought he would. i appreciated that. dan you're the best thing that has happened to me! thanks for an awesome birthday...next year, lets celebrate at cass street.

unexpected

2008-12-16T19:59:00.000-08:00

PROOF : 8 hours in a Kasier Emergency Room

well...monday morning about 1231 am i woke to an excrutiating pain in my abdomen. i had no idea what the pain was. i laid in bed grabbing at my lower abdomen hoping the pain would subside...but to now avail. it increasingly became intolerable...so much that i had to wake dan up in tears clenching at the sheets and wailing in pain. i tried to switch my position in bed - just maybe if i turn on my side the pain would go away, no...it actually got worse... i kept waiting for a break in the pain, but nothing. i knew this wasnt normal nor right. i had once experienced this pain, but not this intense. i gave in and told dan that we needed to head to the er. barely being able to get up, i crept around the room to put some clothes on. dan gathered my purse, his belongings and luthor's belongings. the three of us headed towards the kaiser er. walking to the truck was a task and a half for me. it hurt to walk, it hurt to sit, it hurt to do anything. i was in tears...so bad that i was moaning each time the pain intensified.

we get to the er...check in...and finally are called to the back...in like 2 minutes or so. the nurse took my vitals, ordered dan to grab a wheel chair and we were off to module D where they finally parked me in bed 1...the gynecology bed. it was well equipped i must say. the bed was even transformable to a bed with stirrups. the nurse there made me pee in a cup to verify that i was in fact not pregnant...which i wasnt. thank goodness. we then waited for over 2 hours for the ob doctor to see me. this man violated me with a wand in ways i have never been violated before...all to tell me that i would have to wait until 7 am to be violated again. mind you..i was in pain this entire time. i was in pain all over..my head hurt from the lack of sleep, my arm hurt from the IV (the nurse used a BIG IV needle just in case i needed to be rushed into emergency surgery). it was only a quarter to 4 when the doc told me the bad news about staying until the morning, so dan decided to head home to get luthor situated and work situated. he came back around 6 i think. i dont quite remember.

the hustle and bustle of shift changes began happening, so i knew it was closer to 7 and that means i can finally have my formal ultra sound done. one problem...they needed to put a catheter in me...sounds easy right. no its not. it actually hurt. the worse part was when they manually filled my bladder. the feeling was so intense, that i didnt really know which hurt most...the need to pee so bad or the pain in my abdomen. they filled my bladder twice actually. the first time was when we had the go ahead to prep me for the ultrasound...then a call back saying not to prep me because my time switched to 745...there was no way i could bare the pain of needing to pee so bad, so the nurse unclamped me and let the water flow back out...then they filled it again around 745. we headed down stairs to the ultrasound dept. there i waited for another 20 min before the tech came in and did an external ultra sound then again another internal. i tell you this tech was worse that the doc...i dont know what the hell her kept hitting in me, but whatever it was it made me have the urge to shit. i mean, the urge you get when your clenching your asshole so hard it hurts to clench cause you know the shit is knocking on your asshole ready to come out. so not only did i have the urge to shit so bad, i had the urge to pee really bad. not very comfortable. the ultrasound took maybe 45 min to an hour. then i was transported back upstairs to the er...where we waited again...

finally the doc came in and told me i had a 2 inch ovarian cyst and basically prescribed pain meds and stool softener. she noted that if the pain got worse, then i should come back and see her, because they may have to surgically remove it. she also recommend that i do a follow up ultrasound with my regular ob to make sure the size isnt getting any bigger. havent scheduled that visit yet. maybe tomorrow i will at my lunch hour. but i've been taking advantage of the pain meds, but i cant bring myself to taking the stool softener..something just doesnt sound right about taking it.

so...8 hours in the emergency room yielded me a bottle of vicoden, stool softener and ibuprofen not to mention 2 days off work.

note to self...next time the pain happens again, take a 600 mg of ibuprofen and sleep it off.

no wonder why i hate going to the doctors...especially the emergency room. i truly believe that if i was bleeding inside...i would have died at how slow the service was.

Christmas Spirit

2008-12-13T17:37:00.000-08:00

Luthor has Christmas Spirit

Our 3rd Ornament

Our stockings this year

Our very first Christmas Wreath

Our Charlie Brown Christmas Tree

We got off to a late start decorating around the house this year. i think its because both dan and i are just spent at the end of the day...and well...our weekends...our for relaxation. when i say relaxation it usually means having time to ourselves and just being lazy. the holiday season is always stressful. i havent quite figured out why yet...but it always drives people crazy.

This is our first Christmas being married. we decided to keep it really low key because the honeymoon is coming up in february and we want to spend all our time and attention to that. two weeks in new zealand. we both cannot wait. its going to be a trip of a lifetime for us...just like ireland was. but this new zealand trip is something special, because its here that we finally get to let loose and celebrate our marriage and just relax. its going to be great.

well, i better get going here...the nuggets are on tv...go NUGGS...

Gooble Gooble

2008-11-27T18:47:00.000-08:00

Dan - fed and happy

Luthor waking up to be photogenic

Luthor napping after eating all day at lolo & lola's

Today is Thanksgiving. As tradition repeats itself, many families are gathering around the table enjoying a nicely prepared meal and being thankful for the bounty set before them. Today is a little bittersweet for me.

I woke today around 715ish to begin preparing the side dishes for our thanksgiving lunch. today was actually the very first thanksgiving we ever had at my parent's house. we normally have turkey day at my brother's house but this year was a little different. my dad was really happy. he even said grace over the food. ~that is something quite special because he never says grace~ as always the food was amazing because i cooked it! ha ha ha. just kidding. everyone ate to their hearts content. it was good.

unfortunately today, i just got word from my mom that my aunt passed away today at 515pm after a long fight with cancer. she was quite a courageous woman. she knew she had cancer and fought it until she couldnt fight no more. she lived life to the fullest each day spending time with her husband and their only son. its so sad because he's getting married next year. but i know that she will be looking down upon him on his wedding day. this week will be a little somber for me. i know her passing wont hit me until the wake or the funeral. rest in peace aunt lucretia...may the angels welcome you to heaven!

looking glass

2008-10-17T21:59:00.000-07:00

forgive me if there are faults in this here blog. this blog here, is being compiled after quite a few glasses of beer.

what prompted this you might add? hmm...good company. weird huh? it is. but hear me out okay. tonite, dan and i frequented one of the first bars he took me to - to meet his friends. southbeach in ocean beach. it is because of these outings that i have seemed to fallen in love with their little community. its almost a world of their own. but anyway, back to the topic. the looking glass....

have you ever thought that you know someone well enough, but in all reality dont really know that much about them? quite a brain teaser isnt it.

you see...on the ride home with dan, i got to talking about how i envied his friendship with his friends. i will openly admit that i will probably always envy it. why you ask. because i USED to have a circle of friends like he has. BUT i gave that up. due to sheer stupidity. i chose a man to come between those that always seemed to have my back up until the point where i shafted them. i never put a lot of thought into the saying that guys are a dime a dozen, or one a dog always a dog, or ... lovers come and go but friends will always stay. i have never abided by them cliches...nor did i care for them. why should i? i was on cloud 9....thats all i needed. i was being loved by someone that promised me the world - something my friends couldnt promise me. stupid me, i believed him and shafted them.

but now...i see...i how important it is to have a circle of friends you can truly turn to and trust. something, i am ashamed of, saying that i dont have. i really dont. i have at most 3 friends i can turn to when the going gets rough, and i mean rough. i dont really have friends. i dont really feel i need them because i always feel they have alterior motives. why i feel like that...because each and every single friend of mine has really let me down in ways i cannot even comprehend myself. i just know that they screwed me over so bad, that i know i cannot trust them. how pathetic.

in any case, dan has this group of friends that meet up every now and again for dinner and drinks. and man...do i envy them so much. i cannot even begin to describe how jealous i get. its all because i dont have friends like that. but in case, these guys including dan, have so many memories of each other...a lot of which i dont care about because they pertain to other females, but whatever you know. if dan will cheat, i have no control over that. i just need to believe that he wont. i cannot categorize him as such , because he was the only person that convinced me to love again. i must admit- i was pretty adamant about that. i was okay with just having him as a boy toy, a booty call, a good dinner out and free drinks. but it turned in to love. quite shocking for me actually in my young age where dudes come dime a dozen...or do they? to a once broken heart?

who the hell knows huh. in any instance, i explained all this to dan, and what he said to me was...my friends are now your friends. but are they? when the going gets tough - they will always be dan's friends. i'm sure dan has said this to his ex. ... and i am dead positive i know how she feels when he said that to her. its a girl thing that dan will never understand. ever. sorry honey. its a girl thing.

but it always got me to thinking...ya i know as much i need to know about dan, but do i really know him? do i know all the different sides of dan that i need to know? how do i know he's not keeping something from me? how do i know he doesnt have a whole other email address to see what else is out there? how do i not know that he is working out when he says he is? how do i not know that he's doing this or that? truth is. i will never know. i just have the faith in him and trust that he says he's doing what he is doing. i'm sure there are sides of dan that i dont know. its either a matter of time that they will come out or time where he will really disappoint me, but that is what you gamble when you fall in love with someone and dont know the entire history about them.

i have learned to keep everything in the open. dan has my passwords to everything...from my email address to my bank accounts to god knows what else. do i have those same privileges? i sure DO NOT. what do i feel about that? a little uneasy, but i have trust that he converses with others in a manner that is not flirtatious or in any way jeopardizing what we have built together. and.....and...if it does, then i am the fool. i have always been the fool and i dont care if i am the fool because i can honestly say that i have given it my ALL. dan knows every aspect of my life, he knows what i have been through...from my struggles to my triumphs and it is the best i can give him.

it all comes down to life being a looking glass. are you really seeing what you are seeing or only what you want to see?

why?

2008-10-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

i understand that people have an insatiable hunger to create drama and in turn feed off of it. but why? someone answer me this.

i work in cubicle land. where i work, its hard not to hear the ins and outs of people's lives. i'm not sure why people voluntarily speak about things that would be, to a normal person, private. but then again, whose normal these days? i guess that answers that.

the clash of people's backgrounds, credentials, upbringings and learning curves all play a role in how the whole will interact with each other. you see, where i work, there are all kinds of folks. i mean, we're almost our own melting pot. its kinda neat because there's always a different perspective - depending on who you talk to. with this said, why badger someone for an achievement they have worked so hard in getting? why belittle them for going an extra mile in life? why?

as dan puts it - its because they are insecure. in every shape and form, dan is probably 98.9% correct. but its so sad that someone would go out of their way to make someone feel...so...degraded almost for earning an achievement.

humans are humans, we all make our mistakes and we all triumph at something great in our life. but why is the human race so vicious towards each other. the world truly is a dog eat dog world. i guess this is what humans were destined to do. you see, i earned a degree in sociology. so i know a fair amount of how to perceive things in different perspectives all from people watching. sociology is the study of people, and i have to admit studying people and watching people really intrigues me. i have learned to categorize people by how they interact with others, and so on and so forth. i studied this crap for 4 years of my life. i think i know what i'm talking about...and i definitely know what i'm thinking. but i have never been able to understand the human race and the interactions we all engage in. granted, i never have been able to figure out the animal kingdom other than the strongest will survive. but that doesnt always hold true for the human race. or does it? you tell me.

Hump Day

2008-10-08T18:57:00.000-07:00

that's right folks - today is hump day. congrats to all of you who have managed to make it this far in the work week. the week for me...has been long - kinda. you see, there's nothing to really do right now at work. its like the calm before the storm because next month is when all hell breaks loose and overtime begins. yep folks, i will be putting in more than 40 hours a day and probably even working 6 days out of the week. how depressing, you might say. but no, not really. i need the money for the holidays. a huge chunk of what i'm making is being saved for a house and the other chunk goes to gas while the small remainder thats left goes to my daily expenses that keeps me going. so...when over time comes, i dont mind having a few extra bills in my wallet, granted i have to work for it, but my job is pretty easy compared to many of you out there. so i cant complain.

this week, i have vowed to myself that i am going to stick to a workout regimen. the idea at this point is to work out at least 6 days out of the week. i'm going on my honeymoon at the very beginning of february and i will be damned if i'm the only fat woman or out of shape woman on those new zealand beaches. so...to make sure this doesnt happen i am working out extra hard. dangit, i hope it pays off. for my sake and dan's sake.

life as i know it is great. i cant complain about anything really except that its freaking HOT out here. i've been asked many times and continue to be asked how married life is...and the answer is, it hasn't changed from before. i've only acquired another piece of jewelry on my finger and a marriage certificate from the county of san diego officially deeming us husband and wife. things are great. we're both happy and very much in love. we are really enjoying where we are in life right now.

hump day is nearing its end....

weathered

2008-10-02T11:22:00.001-07:00

so for the last couple of days - monday to be exact, i have been under the weather. it sux bad. i ended up getting sick on sunday and it really hit me on monday. thank goodness i had already planned to have tuesday and wednesday off for a biopsy. so it kinda hit me at the right time. i called in sick today to kick the rest of it - so hopefully tomorrow i will be in full gear to work when i get there. i'm actually looking forward to it, becuase i dont deal too well with being home bound. as a matter of fact, i get anxious sitting here at home. and poor dan, when he comes home i'm just bouncing off the walls...and all he wants to do is relax.

the doctors visit on tuesday went well except for the fact that my parents showed up. that was awkward. my mom was in the room with me the entire exam...and it was really uncomfortable. it wasn't like i invited her either, she kinda just barged in and welcomed herself to join us. really weird, but whatever.

then i just got sicker and sicker after that. i think today is the only day that i feel somewhat normal. my body doesnt ache anymore. all i've got left is a headache i cant shake off and endless blows of snot coming out of my nose. once i get rid of all that, i should be good to go. in any event, i knew it was coming. the last time i got sick was in january. i was long over due. i usually get sick at least 3 times a year.

well, i better get my ass on that couch and relax so all this will be over tomorrow. thank goodness today is so much cooler.

3-1

2008-09-28T19:52:00.000-07:00

today was a devastation in the football world, more specifically to the broncos and their fans. i have become, by marriage, a bronco fan. so, for all you, charger folks that have tried to talk to me about being loyal to san diego, i'm sorry, my loyalty lies with my husband. and besides, maintaining peace at home is key to a marriage, and what better way to maintain peace...becoming a rockies, nuggets, bronco, avalanche fan. its just easier this way, i'm sure one day when you folks finally get married, you'll understand. but for now...i'm purely a colorado fan in all aspects. and if anyone knows my husband, the man is a sports fanatic. he's always reading about sports and keeping track of things pertaining to the sports he watches. there is no end in sight for him, so i've learned if i cant change him then i may as well join him. ha!

today was my first day wearing a bronco jersey. yes, a bronco jersey. i own one now. not just any one, but a personalized one. yes, dan and have almost matching jerseys. as a matter of fact i think we'll be buying orange matching jerseys in the near future.

so as a fan, i complained about a few things today. one...why the hell did cutler throw the f-ing ball away? why dude? were your sugar levels not stable enough for you to figure out that #88 was wide open while you maintained to throw it to marshall as he was being guarded by 2 chiefs? seriously dude, how are you supposed to win games when you have you head up your ass! get your shit together. secondly, why the hell couldnt the broncos maintain possession of the ball. marshall...you wear gloved for a reason...clearly today, you did not wear them to grip the ball, because you fumbled it. same goes for you royal. supposedly the two of you are the best receivers on the bronco team, today certainly does not prove it. it hurt watching ya'll play today. if only cutler threw to open guys, and if we could just maintain possession of the damn ball the broncos could have been 4-0. what a disappointment.

to make matters even worse in my world, i have managed to catch a cold watching you guys lose. i certainly hope next saturday, you all will get your game together and pull out a win to make up for this loss. oh and...i hope #10 is okay. its always daunting seeing a man being carried off the field in a stretcher. a speedy recovery to you!

thats all for now...

treasures

2008-09-11T21:17:00.000-07:00

every morning i wake next to my husband...its a peaceful wake...something good to start off the day. its funny how relationships grow and things just become the norm...just like that...almost with the snap of fingers. 30 months now that we have been together...3 months of them as husband and wife now. there is nothing i want more than to end my days with him and wake next to every morning.

there are so many things to love about him...and many more i am learning of as time passes. and i love it. but you see, each morning, he carries a tune. he's always singing in the shower or saying something clever with a catchy tune...almost every morning he does that. and each and every time it brings a smile to my face. he probably doesnt know this, nor will i ever admit it to him. but in any event, i always find that the little things will always brighten my day. i am a true believer of cherishing the little things in life. i think dan is too...he places a lot of emphasis on cherishing what you have not what you think you should have.

everyone who knows me...knows that i am a dreamer. what do i mean by this? i see something and i want it and when i put my mind to something there's no turning back or telling me otherwise. its just the way i am. why do i bring this to your attention, you ask. because i think i may be getting out that habit or shell or mind frame. what is the saying....patience is a virtue...good things come to those that wait...

from first hand experience...all the times that i have waiting for something, it was always the best outcome for me. funny thing ... i thought about this at work...while i was slammed with work. its definitely odd - how my mind works. i can be under total stress and have an epiphany yet be under no stress and cant figure out what to do next. i have always been a person who works well with pressure - ok so some of you who know me may say otherwise - but i'd like to think i work well under pressure. dan will tell you that i always seem to take on tasks that are grand...and require a lot of attention or work to be accomplished successfully. and you know, for once i will admit that he is right. there's something about a challenge and me knowing that i can push myself to make it through successfully and have a very rewarding outcome.

my life definitely goes through peaks and valleys - just like anyone else life...but its only now that i can say that my life is coming full circle...in its entirety. i think the one thing i am missing but not caring much for is a house i can call my own..or actually our own. oh and that kid i've been contemplating on having. but other than that...i think everything else will fall into place quite nicely. its the first time in my life since i've lost my independent status as a single woman that i am able to save money. it feels good. it feels good to know that i can put away half my paycheck for something grand in the future. its damn nice to know that i have no debt except for my student loan. its nice to know that i have a job that i go to every day and actually like...granted there are the days where i hate it, but who doesnt have those days?

i will always find the time to treasure the small things in life, to stop every now and again to smell the roses or admire a beautiful sunset. i am learning that patience is a virtue. i am also learning that it isnt a bad thing to dream but it can be a bad thing to want everything. i am quite thankful for the treasures i have in my life...because it was in time that i finally found them.

Vent

2008-09-09T19:57:00.001-07:00

hasnt the theme to this blog been one of bitching and moaning and venting...well this blog here will be following in suit with those of the past. i've been told that i have a problem letting this out and getting over them...and quite simply i do. so...here...i turn to vent to the whole world...or whoever is bored enough at night to stumble...quite unfortunately...to this here blog. i'm sorry reader...but you're the one that keeps reading the words.

i think the last post i did was months ago...i have been quite unsuccessful at posting regularly. maybe if i think to blog after i shit, then it would be more regular...but blogging seems - to me - to take too long. actually, i take that back...i dont blog because i'm tired of sitting on my ass in front of a computer all day...so when i get home - blogging is the last thing on my mind.

today's blog...consists of dependency. more specifically people's dependency on me.

i understand that at my job, people depend on me to do my work...as i depend on people to do their work. the ebb and flow of what i do for a living in my cubicle alongside the same people that share what i do...is integral to people's healthcare. this i understand.

what i dont understand...is how certain people in my life...not to mention any names...constantly feel the need to call me and almost harass me to an almost very annoying state. i cannot comprehend, nor will i try to even begin the process of comprehending how grown people depend on me for the smallest and quite normal functions of life....to the greatest extent. i hear questions such as...chris..why is your dog throwing up? ...cause i think its because the heat...when i came home today it was really hot in the house...do you think thats why they're throwing up and sick? hmmm...let me figure this one out - no brainer...i think yes. and i'm quite surprised you were able to piece all that together on the phone with me, but was not able to in your own mind before you called me.

did i forget to mention that this is my week of the month? i am mood swing heaven right now...so all you people watch out.

so you think that's all i'm venting about huh...well you're right. i am too tired to even type on this keyboard....wait let me take that back...i'm too lazy. maybe the next blog will be on a positive note...i hope for your sake and my husband's sake...he's starting to think i'm going looney.

that's all folks....

comic con

2008-07-26T09:58:00.000-07:00

I havent the slightest clue about what the hell this thing may be. BUT i thought it was damn cool. This may be why mom and mr mccahill hate the idea of me wanting to ride a bike.

This here was pretty amazing too. You should have seen the toes on him!

This man here, is the new found hero. I even scored a bobble head looking thing of him.

ok for reals. i have never ever been to comic con and never did i in this life time think i would ever go to comic con. its just not my cup of tea...so...i thought.

seriously...i thought that comic con would be filled with a bunch of nerds....NERDS! i mean the type of people that have thick glasses with condensation building on them, pocket protectors in their lift titty shirt pocket, fowl breath and the like. boy was i freaking wrong. ok, not completely. there were tons of nerds in there, but there were also normal people. ha. normal, what the hell is that these days? needless to say, there was a huge array of folks from little kids, teenagers, middle age folk and even the elderly. i kid you not. people are nuts over comics and what they are all about.

i'll be honest with you, the only comics i read as a kid was peanuts and garfield...if that. my reading material for comics was what came in the sunday newspaper. i never was really into comics at all. i have never heard of dc comics, aspen comics, dark horse comics or anything else until wednesday night. daniel is a HUGE comic fan, but we never really talk about comics...cause it really never was my cup of tea. i think he has tried to ween me into it, by introducing some comic based movies to me, but it never really worked i guess..only a few of them i liked. sin city..will never have a spot for me. i think a lot of it is because i dont appreciate comics for what they are. dan..on the other hand...does....he sees what they developed from...and what they have developed into on the screen..which i think is amazing.

the preview of the spirit was good...i'm not so sure if i will like it when it comes out this christmas or not. it does have some big actors in it and definitely some gorgeous ones...like the producer/director said...it totally covers every man's fantasy of women...and it sure does. too bad it cant be like that for women huh? maybe i'd be more into it. eh, we'll see when christmas rolls around if i get hooked or not. there's hope for me dan...

so walking throughout the ENTIRE convention center i came across or rather, i stumbled upon people's words and impressions of what comic con is about and what they were thinking. at the garment area of comic con...a fellow mentioned that it was 'the ghetto of comic-con.' a little boy outside of the convention center thinks there will be a 'star wars 2 1/2.' an older woman in the midst of the craziness said 'my god its a human zoo in here.'

this is what i was thinking...holy fucking shit, i feel like i am being herded like cattle in here. this place is fucking crazy. all kinds of people dressed up in all kinds of costumes...not quite sure if they are comic based, hollywood based or what? at one point in time, i seen a man dressed in a speedo with a spear....and i thought...what in the fuck are you supposed to be? and damn, i kinda wanna take a photo with him - cause he's really odd dressed and it takes BALLS folks to dress in nothing but a speedo at the convention center with thousands of people to see what you're made of. but i will admit, some people wearing costumes went all out and it totally showed..and they were like stars out there on the floor. truly amazing how much time some of these people put into this convention. i think the most amazing part of it all, was the age range of the artist. i really wasnt sure what to expect of these different artists, but i sure wasnt expecting old ass people to be drawing iron man or the incredible hulk. i'm not sure what i imagined their artists to be.

but anyway, we will be back at it again today sometime. stay tuned for more photos and my thoughts of this nerdy convention that has gone mainstream!

Mrs Young

2008-05-24T09:51:00.000-07:00

It is one week now that I am a married woman. Totally off the market and untouchable to those who have always dreamt of and fantasized to be with me...sorry dudes! Daniel had won my heart a long time ago and now he has it all to himself. Wow...that was a bit cocky.

7 days now....that I am Mrs. Young. Its quite different. I dont know how i will break the habit of signing my name as a dulay. Its something i wil definitely have to be more conscious about. my work people are making a great effort in breaking me out of it, cause everything around me is YOUNG...they are writing my name as Young, they have changed my name plate to Young and are bugging me to change all my email correspondence to Young. I think I will do most the name changing when I get around to the Social Security Office, DMV and the like. Once I have the name change on Paper and its legal, then I will start changing everything else, but until then I'll be Dulay on paper and Mrs Young to everything else.

How does it feel to be a married woman? everyone seems to be asking me that question. Well...to be quite honest...i dont feel any different. i am who i am and i will always be the same person daniel has met and fallen in love with. i feel the same. its just that now, the bond between us is official for the others. its more permanent so to speak. we have the acknowledgment that we are a married couple, ready to have kids and start a life together. but to dan and me, its always been that...from the beginning stages of our relationship...we've always known we were going to build a life together and have children in the future. nothing new to us, except for we're no longer in a relationship per se, but now a marriage. We're husband and wife. that still sounds funny to me in a way...its not something i thought i'd ever claim on anyone again...and here i am prouder than ever to be daniel's wife and he my husband....

life begins....and will continue as Mrs Young.....

Married

2008-05-20T19:43:00.000-07:00

Dan and I are finally married. After a long....and i mean long....year and a half of planning, the hardwork has finally paid off...the sweat i lost and tears i shed were all worth it. the day was beautiful, minus the heat. everything was almost a blurr....just like everybody said it would be.

Dan had most his family here, and it was great to see and be with everyone. afterall, these people are now my in-laws...wow...my in-laws. i have a mom and dad in law...ha. who woulda thought. but the event was gorgeous, well from what i remember at least. everyone said it was a hit, now i'm just waiting to see the different pictures everyone took. a million or so picture must have been snapped that day, and i know we were the center of most of it.

but through it all, i have become a married woman. i now have a proud husband to call my own and thats the best part of it. i love you dan, for everything you are and everything you allow me to be. i cant wait to see what our future holds together....our happiness and joy are endless....

life now finally begins as stressfree....ahhh...what a difference a day makes...

today...

2008-05-17T07:08:00.000-07:00

i will vow my love to daniel infront of all our family and friends. daniel has waited 37 years to get married. . .today we wed.

daniel....i am the luckiest girl in the world to be marrying you. you are truly a catch...you're a keeper. i cannot wait until 2pm to marry you.

today will be one of the most beautiful days of our lives....

i love you....with all my heart and being....

8 days.....

2008-05-09T20:57:00.000-07:00

man, i missed the 10th day blog....ah well. time really flies when things are in full swing. tomorrow my aunt comes in from germany....and there i think the wedding will become more real to me. right now, i am still in the....planning stages and not so much in the .... i'm getting married in a week stage. plans are definitely coming into motion.

tomorrow is also my bridal shower. i am not having a traditional bridal shower at all...its really casual. i wished to have one, but seeing as though, organization is a problem, that will not happen. but at least we will not be getting kicked out of anywhere.

though i must admit, we are having a bee problem in the household. yes, ladies and gents, you heard me right. we have bees swarming in the house....okay, not swarming, but dammit they're buzzing around. we are totally loss of how they are even getting into the house, so we are still figuring that part out. we are hoping that tomorrow will shed way more light on the situation so we can remedy it ....quickly.

next week tomorrow night is the eve of our wedding day. how exciting...my god, i have so many emotions running through me that i do not even know where to begin to describe them.

danny took me out for our last probably date night as an engaged couple. he finally took me to pf changs. i have never been before and he has always talked about talking me but never has until tonight. we had a great time....the wait was lengthy, but well worth it. the food was great. the bar tender treated us really well, gave danny a free beer and even wine to celebrate our wedding coming up. she was chill! we need to go back and get more shit out of her....

anyway, tonight, we are relaxing...ok trying to relax before the week starts. so here i end this...so i can get more things done so i can chill on the couch and relax....

till the next post....8 days and counting.....

12 Days....

2008-05-05T21:29:00.000-07:00

the wedding is less than two weeks away. to be technical its close to something like 11 days and 12 hours or something, but that's just being technical. simplicity sake, its 12 days away. so what does this entail....

a busy two weeks. I have almost everyday booked with something i have to do after work, except for this friday and next monday, but i have a feeling that it will change here shortly. i might take advantage of friday to do some personal errands that need to get done and over with before the big day. monday...will most likely be last minute stuff that i can think of over the weekend. but from here on out i am booked solid. so if you wanna piece of me in the next two weeks, you better call me and reserve some time in my books..otherwise you'll be assed out until after the wedding. sorry folks, there's only one of me and hundreds of you.

ok so this wednesday i'm doing a make up trial to make sure what i want is what i get for the big day. i know make up does not matter to danny....since he always says so, but it matters to me. its my time to shine and look absolutely stunning. hell, i put a lot of fucking hard work into planning this shit, so damn it i'm gonna splruge a lot for beauty. its my way of patting myself on the back.

so much to do, so little time. our guests will start arriving this saturday, yes this saturday, my god thats like 4 days away....then the rest will start trickling in and the bulk of everyone will be here wednesday and thursday. i just hope i get to spend enough time with people i truly care about....like friends i invited and some family and dan's fam and my fam. chances are, i wont, but wishful thinking is always sounds good.

man, i'm getting tired thinking about the next two weeks....remember, friday night before the wedding...cucumbers on my eyes..need to look refreshed for the big day....no alcohol....ok just a little to calm the nerves....and we'll be good.

so 12 days and counting....continue to wish me luck...i am in desperate need of it.

14 days....

2008-05-03T22:16:00.002-07:00

two weeks from today i will be a married woman.....or an honest woman as my bro said to me today. kinda weird how that hit me. i am two weeks away from the big day....and its slowly just now hitting me. the waves are in full motion and there's no time for wiping out now.

we met with the our pianist for the wedding ceremony this morning. we picked out some really cool songs for the ceremony. they all sound beautiful and graceful, both of which i hope the day mirrors. it took us all but 30 min to pick out the music. the pianist, i must say, is freaking crazy...okay okay...she's looney. but they say...the loonier the better...almost like geniuses i guess. her music area was in shambles, but the woman knew where almost everything was. though she was out of sorts...but i think that's normal for her. so one thing accomplishes today.

we then got shelves for the pantry we made here at our new home. it really provided a lot of storage space for us....all of which we need to maximize here. but i like the results. we made good use of the $180 daniel spent on it. was way too pricey...didnt think it'd cost that much...but it was money well used.

we then headed to costco on morena boulevard for some lunch and a book sign. note to self, never do that crap again. we waited for nearly an hour and a half for a freaking signature. the man could have had an hour devour waiting for us when we got up to him...seeing as though he was a cook n all... oh well. never doing that again. my hot dog was great. always have a thing for a good hot dog every now and again.

last errand of the day was to meet with the even coordinator at the museum. i havent felt so unprepared throughout the course of this wedding planning until tonite. i didnt have very many answers for the woman's questions. so here i begin my tirad of getting shit done. i even started doing the last of these bells that are left to fix. i think i have about 150 more to go. i need to buy some glue sticks for the glue gun i've got cause i'm almost out. how crappy is that. i think on the way to konos for breakfast, well actually on the way back from konos, dan and i will have to make a pit stop at staples here in our local neighborhood and buy some glue for the thing. i hope that tomorrow will be a very calming day with a lot of output for this wedding.

things to do still
make a schedule for the wedding party
make a schedule for the wedding
email photographer and tell her we need her for an extra hour
email dj and see what his requirements are
email darryl at ebs to make sure the bar is good to go
email sarah and start talking time and specifics with her
email melissa and keep her up to date
call florist and let her know she needs to be at museum at 2pm
start making seating chart
finish bells
start putting attendees gifts together

and a couple dozen more things that i know i'm forgetting but will remember in the middle of the night when all is silent and still.

well i better hit the sack before i end up shutting my eyes here at this keyboard. wish me luck in the next two weeks...better yet pray that i dont have a mental break down and wig out at the last minute. ok...need to go to church and start doing some serious praying....God help me!

two weeks and counting...............

Overwhelmed

2008-05-01T22:22:00.000-07:00

16 days and counting down.....

until the big day....our wedding! it's fast approaching and the hours in the day just dont seem long enough. i have a mental list of everything i still need to do, and for some unfathomable reason, nothing on that list has been crossed off. change...life changes...and it continues to change and my poor little mind and body is having a hard time adjusting to such change right now. the 17th will be one of thee happiest days of my life...but everything leading up to it is quite overwhelming at this point. daniel has been and continues to provide all support he can give me in any way possible and i couldnt ask more from him. he has done a great job cheering me on. i just wish it'd be over already.

its quite funny....i read this in an article a few days ago...but the article states that a wedding is not for the bride or groom, its for the guests invited. i never really wanted to look at it that way, but on my drive home today after my last fitting of my gown, it hit me like a ton of bricks. and the sad part is....that statement is so totally true. its kinda depressing actually. the money danny is spending on this wedding is a nice chunk of change we can be placing on a down payment for a house or condo. it truly is and its quite disturbing. i know when danny reads this, he'll chuckle at himself ... and even mumble an i told you so ... or even say we'll she wanted a big wedding and here she is having one... and he's right.

i did want a big wedding. i wanted a huge fabulous wedding with everyone invited...and i know this is the biggest waste of money we'll ever do...but i know in the end it will all have been worth it. i know deep down everything will not go my way, and i'm having a hard time accepting that and probably wont openly admit that, but i'm okay with it. i know regardless of the unforeseen situation, the day will be absolutely beautiful. i'm nervous to meet the rest of the young/sams clan, but thats given. i just hope i'll be a nice addition to the young/sams clan.

the final touches are well underway... the wedding is two weekends from now....16 days. i know that the time will fly by so quickly. so fast i wont even know what hit me....but i have to take it in stride...not for my sake, but dan's sake too. he will probably see me at one of my worse stages in the coming 16 days, and i'm bound to lose some kinds of weight and turn quite a few black hairs to silver ones. but its all comes with the territory. by the end of the month, i will be a married woman. wow....

just breathe....remember to take one breath at a time.....breathe in and breathe out..everything is going to be fine.....

moved

2008-04-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

we're finally moved in...for the most part at least. there are a few things here and there still at the old place that we need to round up and get out. but the main stuff and necessities are here. its definitely different driving home this way...its a lot farther that what i used to drive the past 2 years, thats for sure. but its good to know that i'm heading towards the shore when i'm going home. something about heading out this way that calms my senses...almost puts me at ease. i hope that one day, ease will come my way.

a lot happened this weekend. a lot of things that i purposely am neglecting to mention because i'm very disappointed in myself. the worse part is, i had a feeling something bad was going to happen. unfortunately them gut feelings were true. the day spiraled downward extremely fast....so fast i couldnt catch myself and just let loose. i spoke a lot of what was on my mind to several people. i almost spoke of many hurtful things that i wish i could take back but cannot. i learned a lot about several people in my life and where i stand with them and them with me. there's a disgust i have that i cannot even begin to describe...of which i will not. but i guarantee that my life is going to change because of it. the dynamic of bonds is definitely something worth revisiting in a later post, perhaps after the fact of ... what ever it is that's going to happen.

my results for my biopsy are still not discovered as of late. i think i know what my fate is with it, i just need to hear it from the doctor. how i'll deal with it, i'm not sure, but what ever decision i make will be both mine and of danny's. ... seeing as though we'll be one unit after the 17th of next month. so he has every say in what i do from here on out, he's actually had a lot of say in what i do for the past year and a half now. its the way life goes. sometimes, its easier to worry about other people and take care of them than yourself. its a lot easier to me. its what i'm good at.

my first fitting for my gown is this thursday. i'm excited but then i'm not. i havent lost the weight i've wanted to, but i've come to terms. ok i need to come to terms. this is how i look and its the bottom line. i can go balls out from now until next month, but i probably wont...unless something unforeseen happens. i just really need to learn to have faith in life. something i have not had in a while. i just need to be optimistic or be happy or something. but my pessimism is taking a toll on danny, and i'm sure if it continues i'll lose him too. here's to getting back on the right track. he asks me to have better days, and i try, i guess not hard enough. so here's to trying harder for better days.....

may the forces be with me.....

annoyed

2008-04-10T18:48:00.000-07:00

i have to admit that i have never been as annoyed with people as i am now. The stress of the wedding and of moving has really made me realize how annoying people really are. A lot of it is directly related to the wedding. Some people just dont have common sense. Or rather, they are acting like 16 year olds. Ladies grow the fuck up. We're not teenagers any longer - we're fucking ADULTS in a real world. Act like a civilized human being. This drama you guys are creating for me really isnt good. I dont keep things very well inside and i am bound to go off on your asses and i'm getting really fucking close to doing it.

but in any case, the move is going. we're half way moved. this weekend we'll be living in our new place. i'm excited cause its a new place, but i'm also stressed out cause what comes with moving....the unpacking and figuring where you're gonna put all the stuff. the new place doesnt have a lot of storage space as this place. i will most definitely miss the abundance of cabinets in the kitchen and of course the pantry. if we ever buy a place of our own, it must have a pantry. its an absolute at this point.

we are a month and a week away from the wedding. not too much longer to go. we have everything in order i think. its just a matter of the day coming. i just need to get settled in at the new place so i can really crank out the loose ends for the wedding and really be done with it. the wedding saga continues.....next time.

beginnings

2008-04-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

what has happened since the last entry....of easter? a lot i might add. dan and i have a place now...that we can call ours. we didnt buy. we're not ready to buy yet. but we are 2 miles away from the beach. how freaking awesome is that. dan has always wanted to live on the beach, this is as close as we are getting for now. maybe sometime in the future we can be just steps away. its a goal we are trying to move towards. but this place is ours.

this place is the first place we have moved in together. its not me moving in with him or he moving in with me...but we're moving into it together. and thats big for us. soon we'll be making it more homier. its slowly getting there. we've put up our privacy lining on the patios and i'll be painting the bathrooms...yep folks, custom colors on the bathroom. hell i might even paint the whole place by the end of the year. ok, reality check , when will i have time to do that? possible close to never. ahh...but the answer to that is...to make time. i'm not good at make nothing...so we'll see.

anyway, we've moved a little less than half our belongings to the place, and the rest of it will be moved this weekend. dan and the dudes are gonna use their mighty strong muscles they take hours strengthen each day at the gym and move all the heavy stuff. i think the best part of all this, is my big momma grill will be in use once again. and boy i cannot wait. seriously i cannot wait. i have longed for her for a while now. though i doubt dan will want to have many bbq's with friends over....but whose to tell these days. thats probably what i miss the most about having my own place - is the fact that i can invite anyone over just to shoot the shit and have some good eats. maybe dan will come around....my fingers are crossed.

anyway, another thing that is happening this weekend, is the bachelorette party. in all honesty, i'm not that excited about it. its like i'm pretending to be....its a motion i need to go through to get married...its the norm, what everyone does before the big day. so we'll see how this goes. i'll update up sometime next week on that.

anyway, i'm off to go watch the dan play some ball with the old men.....wish em luck....

Easter

2008-03-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

easter again. the year is a quarter way behind us already. this easter, i spend alone...well technically with 3 dogs. the last time i spent easter alone was in 2005 when i was going through my divorce and didnt want to be around anyone. this time alone really gave me an opportunity to have flash backs from 2005 around this time of the year. i really need to busy myself more, but how can i when i've got three dogs to sit? but this time around, was unexpected. everyone left me to go off and be elsewhere having fun, which is fine to me. you just gotta deal with it, and no one ever said how to, so this is my way. boohoo to me. granted, dan is coming home today and jim, but the day by then might as well be over since its so late in the day already. by the time i get home with dan, i have to start laundry and cleaning house, so today will be a long day for me, one that i am not looking forward to.

so let me tell you all how my easter day started. it started with me awake until 3am. then at 430 ralph knocks on the door and announces that he's heading home. come 7am i find out dan's truck was hit on my driveway. seriously what the fuck! so of course, i have to call him. frantic and pissed off as i am, not mention that i'm hung over from last night, he thinks i'm pulling his leg. seriously, do you think i'm gonna call your ass and tell you that your truck has been hit as a joke. are you fucking kidding me? that pissed me off even more. so not only am i hung over, but i've been accused of pulling a shitty prank. c'mon give me a fucking break. as if the fucking weekend alone wasnt hard enough on me. then to accuse me...what balls you have. how am i supposed to be excited to see you when you accuse me of something so real? makes no sense to me, maybe you dont want me to be excited or happy. i dont know. maybe i'm just talking out of my ass cause i'm pissed off at the moment. i dont take well to such accusations. but then again, you dont take well to the shit i dish. so we're both at a loss on this, arent we? oh but dont worry, i've managed to get under your truck and zip tie that bitch in place until i can get it fixed for you. so dont you fret, it'll be taken care of. seeing as though this is my fault. life will eventually get better and things will get to being happy again...just not right now. its been a rough week and another one coming......can you deal?

you know lack of sleep wasnt no thing to me back in the day. but now it really fucks with my head and emotions. have you ever got to thinking and just kept thinking then started analyzing shit. i think some shrinks would psychoanalyze this as having a mild bout of depression accompanied by another bout of stress. well, thats what i've been doing this weekend, thinking and analyzing. and you know, it set me in a bad mood for this week and possibly the weeks to come, so beware... this bitch has a hot head. not to mention that i'll be ragging too. double fucking whamie for me. at this rate, aint nothing gonna bring my spirits up, so listen people, dont try. the worse part of all this, is that i have a busy week ahead of me too. i've got a lot going on at work this week, a few appointments to keep mid week, and figure out another time when i can take time off of work to go apply for a marriage license since march 31st the county clerks office is closed for cesar chavez day. great timing man! next week, i get to start off with a biopsy. i'm so excited! NOT! whamie after whamie....along with the daily grind.

come april, there will be a lot of things to do. i think all my weekends are devoted to this wedding, except for one. i hope that one weekend i can get away from everything and everyone and just relax without having to take care of any dogs, deal with any people, or deal with anything related to the wedding. i need to be alone on MY time. i really need to start taking mini getaways - whether it be with someone or alone. i cant keep grinding like this. its really taking a toll on me emotionally and with my character. i dont like the differences i've noticed in myself, but when you keep trudging away like i do, then you lose sight of who you are and what you're living for, then everything starts to be useless and nonsense to you. talk about an emotional roller coaster huh....there's just too much going, and too much to think about these days. i wonder when it'll ever slow down....

anyway....happy easter folks....enjoy the family and the sun....its what holidays are for!

Good Friday

2008-03-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

aint so good....

yesterday was the first day of spring. today weather wise was a gorgeous day. otherwise it was just a day. if dan was here, he'd make it a point to commemorate this day as being one of our special days. it aint so special when the other person aint here. so its just a damn day. its a special day for him, seeing that he's out of town in vegas for his bachelor party. so god only knows what he's doing. the trust i have will just have to do for now. i'm happy for him that he's able to go out and party like he was 21 again, but it also pains me that i'm alone and he's there in sin city with the boys. you can never get what you want...boy do i know that first hand....sometimes its better to stop dreaming of the future - i should do that. dreams never come true anyway, that cliche is over rated, unles your rich as shit on a golden elephants ass....then you get what ever you want when you want. seeing as though i'm just an average jane, or rather a below average jane, i have to work for my shit. and work is what i have been doing a lot of.................

work was rough. the whole week has been rough. i'm not that thankful its friday for some reason. i dont have that sense of relief one would have in my shoes right about now. i cant pin point it. i guess i've just been stressed out about a lot of things right now. my job is really demanding. i just learned that i've been summoned to work on the policies and procedures committee....JOY....fucking wonderful. more testing to put me through to see if i can hang during my probation. well guess what mo- foes...i can hang. this bitch can hang! ya hear! bring it on dammit. i've always told myself that its up to me to make a place in this world for myself...and i'll do what i need to do to get it done. so bring it.....

the wedding is less than two months away...according to luthor.com its 57 days away. the closer it gets the more nervous i get. deep down i'm scared to get married .... again. the last one was a failure...and i dont want this one to fail. dan says its up to us, but are we both willing to trudge through the rough times and maintain loving each other through it all? i'm not sure. i cant answer on danny's behalf and i'm pretty sure i can ... at this point, i guess time will only tell. i'm scared that i wont be able to live up to dan's standards of being a good wife. i'm scared that we'll grow distant once we get married. i cant say its cold feet cause i'm not backing out yet or having thoughts of it. i'm just freaking scared and nervous. i just hope that this turns out to be what dan has waited for for the past 37 years. i'm scared of letting him down...thats just the bottom line.

i'm scared that i wont be a good mother to our kids - if we decide to have them ...rather if we can have them at all. i guess we'll see what happens after my biopsy on the 31st. that biopsy is another thing i'm worried about. what happens if cancer appears? what happens if i cant have kids? how will i deal with the bad news? could i survive it? i dont know. its a scary thought...and i'm scared shitless...

on a positive note....my trust in danny has become twofold. i cant say that i have trusted anyone else more than i trust daniel right now. i didnt even trust my ex husband this much. i dont put a lot of trust in people to begin with. i have been let down one too many times. people have back stabbed me...they've taken advantage of my kindnesss and compassion in caring for others. i've guarded myself with a cavalar shield, and its just recently that i lowered that shield to have full trust in daniel. this is big to me. and its important. i knew one day i would trust him full circle, but i wasnt sure when. i just hope i'm not making a mistake and in turn will get burned as i have every other time with friends and ex's. i have a glimmer of hope....

so tonite, i head over to moms house to care for my rug rats and dans weiner dawg. its gonna be a full bed, seeing that all of them like to sleep on the bed. its gonna be interesting. i just hope i can sleep. i didnt sleep much last nite. i'm not used to sleeping alone anymore. last nite i slept at most 2 hours. i'll be running on fumes this weekend. i have a busy weekend ahead of me.

tomorrow i plan on bathing all the dogs, getting my taxes done, rearranging my room at my moms house, detailing dans truck, and going to easter mass at 5pm. then sunday, i have to get back home, do the laundry and clean before dan gets home. i want him to come home to a clean house, cause thats what i like coming home to, though it doesnt always happen. but ya gotta deal with what you get. tonite, when i get there, i'm gonna clean house a little, settle in and get our wedding program done. i know i'll have all hours of the night to do it, so i'm not entirely worried. i already know that i wont be sleeping. i am refraining from making any contact with dan, since its his weekend with the guys...and girls arent supposed to be calling or in the picture except for that trampy ass stripper that will have her hands all over my dan...did jealousy just come out ? oh shit. if i'll be damned that i have a heart and have feelings of hurt. fuck me.

good friday can go to hell for all i care....fuck this shit.....fuck this whole weekend...fuck everyone...fuck the wedding stress...fuck the job stress....just go and shove all this fuckedness where the damn sun dont shine....

March madness...

2008-03-03T21:05:00.000-08:00

march has arrived at full speed...the days themselves are quickly approaching and ending even quicker than they came. the march madness i refer to in this here blog has no relevance to sports in any way, shape or form. march madness refers solely to the madness i am going through for this wedding and in this particular month of march. i am less than three months away from getting married. three months...

this past saturday i had the opportunity to try my dress on in front of my mom. it was her first time to see my gown and i swear she had a tear in her eye. she talked to the alterations people and wanted to make sure that the gown was going to be altered perfectly for me. she even chose the perfect veil that would match the dress and my body form. i'm glad she came cause i dont have any lick of fashion when it comes to dresses or veils...or girl fashion for that matter. i am strictly a jeans and tshirt type of gal...always have been and probably always will be.

trying on that dress made the wedding feel even more real. up to this point, the wedding was something i have been planning for the past year now and hasnt had a lot umph to my life or even emotions. it was just a thing i needed to plan and do. now as this month marches on, and april quickly approaches things are starting to come into perspective. the feelings and emotions are surfacing and the reality of it becoming more evident. this is a life altering experience. i've done it once and failed at it, and here i am taking another jab at it in hopes i stay successful at it. but having failed once, my emotions are somewhat tarnished. i want this marriage to be everything my previous marriage wasnt. i want the day to be perfect, the events to run smoothly and the guests to share in our happiness and joy.

hence the reason why i am working so hard at making it perfect. though i know, as well as everyone else, that the day will probably be far from perfect...or rather the perfect in which i envision within my head. and i'm ok with that. i'm content knowing that i am really taking my vows in front of God, but not only God, but in front of my family and friends. we will have hundreds of witnesses there to see me profess my love for daniel and take vows i promise not to break. but the best part of the day will be the actual vows we say to one another. everything leading to that point will have been worth it, even if i stumble and fall walking towards the altar. its what danny is looking forward to the most, its what means the most in this wedding, and i have taken the same viewpoint as he. because in reality it is that phrase that we say to one another that really binds us in marriage. its what makes us part of being a sacrament, a sacrament of marriage honored by the institution of church. it cant get better than that, i suppose.

well, tis all for now...too much rambling going through my head...soon i'll be reminiscing again about my past and i really dont want to. i've left that behind me and have already taken many steps forward with no intentions of double stepping back. we'll leave that perhaps for another day....or not.

good nite you nosy people....

another day gone

2008-02-27T20:49:00.000-08:00

what'da ya know...another day gone. so fast. it seems as though i have done nothing today. although i have. i worked nearly 10 hours, drove to the valley to pick up my maid of honor's dress, stopped off at walmart to get some toiletries and arby's to get dinner for me and dan. soon i'll be folding clothes and writing out another handful of invites to mail out tomorrow. dang...and its already 9pm.

have you ever wondered why its necessary to work? i mean, its a circle or rather a cycle. people need to be assisted in everything they do. unless you live in the armpit of america and all youve got is a self sustaing farm or some shit like that. but needless to say, everything has to be manned by someone. there is no place we can go now a days without needing the help of someone else. take for instance...the grocery store. you think you're going there to help yourself, even if you're using the self check out, you're really not doing it solo. check this. the store had to be opened by someone. the food and other merchandise has to be stocked by someone. the self checkout has to be manned by someone. the carts and baskets have to be rallied up from time to time. so you see. your efforts in shopping for yourself or the fam, has really depended on a team of people to make your shopping efforts become successful. thank god we dont live in a society where we have to kill cows to get meat, or harvest the fields to get veggies or even slush around in the rice patties to get rice. to think about, i admire the pioneers a lot more now that i have put thought into it. where did this come from? i have no idea. but i feel sorry for all you out there reading that garbage that i just wrote in this paragraph here.

so i put some thought into life. where i'm at and where i thought i'd be right now. life is good. its as good as it can be right now. its been on a positive note now for the past 2 years. i never thought i'd be in the position i am now. i thought it would come a lot later in life, like when i'm in my mid thirties. though thats not very far away. i have a job. not a career as i suspected i would have by now, but i have a job. its okay paying and has the greatest benefits and perks. so i really cant be that. i've always wanted to work probation. but i dont think i'll succeed in that goal that i made for myself 3 years ago. reason being - its not good for married life or even one with a family. not this early at least. i'd like to be with my kids when and if i ever do have them. the kids thing is in question right now pending medical tests next month. my finances could definitely be better. i'm almost to being debt free, but not quite. i hope to be debt free by summer. granted with all this over time i'm putting in i hope to be debt free by the wedding if not sooner. i never thought i'd be getting married this soon, thats for sure. i thought it'd take me longer than this to even trust another man. i still have huge issues with trust. but am working on it with the help of might dan. my relationship with family could definitely be better, but we're all living our own separate lives often times forgetting who we are and where we came from. i wish my family was a little closer and tight knit, but that'll never happen unless hell freezes over. so chances are not likely. what a shame. i just need to take the time to take my little lucky stars. i'm in a better place than i have been in the past and life has been somewhat consistent lately which is good. i have my feet a little grounded but not quite. so to sum it up, life is good. . . and it keeps getting better. thanks dan!

ok...tis is all for now. had to get a blog in...and there you have it.

schwoo

2008-02-26T19:50:00.000-08:00

wow, has it really been a week since the last post...correction a week and a half. damn time flies when you're working. apparently i have been called out to post something on this here sight from none other than don yul. i miss you buddy! life just isnt the same without you. my work isnt as friendly as the depot was. i've got my nose to the grinder from the moment i walk clock in and log onto my computer to the moment i'm clocking out and logging off my computer. not to mention the overtime that is quote unquote mandatory. needless to say, i miss our chats and sushi runs every now and again. ay...when we gonna get together for some sushi? i hope you're going over to jasmins house for the sons bday this saturday, cause i'd sure like to see you again. hows that song coming along for the wedding? we need to touch bases...so when you get the time pencil me into your busy schedule, will ya!

anyway, the wedding is 81 days away courtesy of luthor.com. fuck thats really coming close. this saturday is already march. holy freaking tamales. in reality, i cant wait till this is all over. i really cant. the stress is so overwhelming at times...ok let me not lie to you here, its overwhelming period. Since the invitations have come in, i've managed to get 2 out in the mail. how pathetic is that? my own fucking fault. i'll get to it this weekend i hope. just need some nice extra cold beer to do it. i need to stop drinking beer to try and rid my tummy bulge. i've been working extra hard with my abs. i hope it pays off in the next month.

so this post has, like all my previous posts, been useless. the wedding plans are still coming along sssllllooooowwwwlllyyyy. dan is still trying to keep my head above the water, though i know its hard to do. he's really been putting up with a lot of my shit lately. i've caught myself breaking down into an emotional wreck in the past week or two...i only imagine that it'll get worse as may creeps nearer. so wish me luck with the emotions.

anyway, tis is all for now...i'll post again............later...............................................

relief

2008-02-15T18:44:00.000-08:00

friday has come at last! but not just any friday....its a friday where i actually got off at 5pm. i chose not to stay for over time....reason being...i dont have to work tomorrow. so that means that i dont have to be up early tomorrow. so tonite...after my annual va ja ja exam....i am off to celebrate friday. its been a long long time since i've been able to go out on a friday night. i know dan wanted to stay home tonite and be mellow and just chill...but i feel like having some fun out in ob. and since today is friday and i cant eat meat on fridays due to lent, i am limited to what i can eat. what better place to go that southbeach for some damn good fish tacos. besides, dan and i havent been to southbeach since like december. we're long over due. so today has a true meaning behind...TGIF!!!

honestly, thank god its friday....i am worn the fuck down...i need this small breather...small, but desperately needed. watch out you ob freaks...here i come...

cant wait to have that beer in my hand, and that fish taco in my tummy....

last

2008-02-11T18:00:00.000-08:00

tonight is our last night of precana....THANK GOD! i never thought i would survive to see this day. i truly hope tonite will be a short one...i hope most the time is used to fill out papers and stuff. how bad can it be?

dan and i endured the religious stuff...him more so than i. kinda weird cause he's not catholic and i am. great going danny! thanks for going through all these damn hoops to get married. i hope in the end you will find it worth it. i love you!

no more precana woohooo! monday night workouts are finally back! i'm so excited.

lazy

2008-02-10T19:03:00.001-08:00

today has by far been the laziest day i have had since quitting home depot. i finally slept in today...its been weeks since i've been able to do that. though, i think the extra zzz's has caused me an annoying headache that has lasted all day. it hasnt been cured by the tylenol i've been taking, so hopefully more sleep tonite will kick it.

tomorrow is our last precana night. i'm so excited. i can honestly say that i have not learned jack crap about catholicism. everything that was mentioned in these past 5 weeks have been things that i have already known. the main thing that the host couple reiterated is that catholics are imfamouse for making babies...procreating is one of the main goals God has given us to do on this earth. so tomorrow we receive our diploma for enduring such a rediculous prerequisite in getting married in a catholic church. next on the religious to-do-list is meet the padre so he can tell what needs to be done prior to the actual wedding day.

this week...what are the plans. none really. i dont think we'll be going out for valentine's day. we will probably just spend it at home watching some tv. this weekend...we have dinner lined up for dad's 74th birthday. i might even take mom out to go dress shopping for the wedding. that's about it. i have yet to decide if i will do my religious duty in going to the prayer group this sunday. chances are more than likely that way next weekend is saved for our 2 year anniversary.

i dont have much else to jibber jabber about, so tis all for now...

102:51

2008-02-09T22:23:00.000-08:00

102 hours and 51 minutes is what i will be paid for this friday. thats a lot of hours. 22 hours of overtime. i dont know how i did it. its quite a small number compared to the hardcore people at my work that are putting in 11.5 hours a day and working 6 hours on saturday. they're checks are like little mini bonuses. i have tried for the past 2 weeks now to put in 2 hours of overtime a day, but it just never happens. i wake up on time, but i never leave on time. i think its because i dread a long day infront of the computer doing the same shit...ok not really...its really because i dont know what my fate is at this job. i dont know if i have landed a permanent position or not or if they're just keeping me for my probation months just to get their work done...being that they are 8000 cases behind. i've been putting out 600 cases a week...not even making a dent in it. worse thing is, the 8000 cases never goes down, we get more cases day in and day out and it just accumulates...so the work is never ending. it really is. this is the busy part of the season they say, i can only imagine what slow season is...gossip and potlucks...no wonder a lot of those long timers are a little on the heavy side. i have promised myself that i will not get like that. i am making a conscious effort to make it to the gym almost everyday. i know things will really come into place and get a little more routine when the wedding is done and over with....oh and when overtime is over in april...or may. it'll be nice to really get back into the swing of things and have it be normal for a little while before the stress piles back on in the latter part of the year.

my shoe effort with my girls has made a little progress. i have 4 shoes taken care of...2 more to go and i hope that it was taken care of today. i have yet to get an update, but i really hope it was taken care of. the money for the bells were finally sent out today. so now its just a matter of time before we get them. the invitation are well on their way to us, sometime this week or next week they should be here. lets see whats left...programs, cake topper, bridal party gifts, my veil, my shoes, and i think that might be it, but am not totally sure. the list is slowly shortening. ha isnt that funny. very small things to do, yet so much stress over them. why is that...lets give it a spin here...

things take time to come in is my main worry. i'm afraid that if i dont order it in time they wont come in on time and if they do then i fear that it is not defective. i worry about it because its still on that damn to-do list. ideally everything should have been done by now and its not, so thats a stress in itself it seems. help...what help? i dont have any help it seems. and the help i do have, usually talks back, rolls their eyes, tilt their heads as if its an inconvenience. NEWS FLASH: this whole wedding planning process has been and will probably be a HUGE INCONVENIENCE TO ME up until the day before the wedding if not the wedding day. so what i'm asking you to do is quite minor to all the things i have done. this has definately not been a group effort, as expected it to be. which really disappoints me and pisses me off to high hell. i have really learned a lot about the people i have in my life...and i know now not to rely on them so much...they have proven they incapabilities to me....my heart breaks...but what can i do? i just need to suck it up and look to a different day in hopes its better than the last.

in the end, i'll know that my hardwork has paid off somehow. i'll know that the stresses i have experienced and endured in the past 12+ months will diminish at the end of the wedding day. the ooh and aaahs i hear from those in the crowd will be directed to me in a personal way. but truly, the only thing that really does matter is that i show up, dan shows up, i say i do, dan says i do and we sign the certificate. its really all the wedding is about. everything else is just fluff...and its so sad to know that the fluff stressed me out.

i have this incredibly indescrible feeling i have within myself...that i've had for the past 2 weeks. and i can describe it any better than my sister-in-law leslie described it. i had apologized to her for sounding bitchy and rude when i'd called her asking about my niece's dress. she said, no feelings hurt or offense taken...i just sounded like a person planning a wedding and starting a career. and you know, by goly darn it, she is right. those two things have really taken over my life the past few weeks. seriously taken over my life. its quite sad actually.

today was a relaxing day...somewhat. i had worked from 6am-1030am then dealt with wedding party shoes. but afterwards dan i a brought the fury weiner to the beach and let him roam among the other fury 4 legged things out there. it was nice. we sat on the beach, people and dog watched. we sat in the sun, on the sandy beach and just relaxed. i really needed it. it felt damn good. the afternoon consisted of nothing but laying around, falling asleep, watching movies. now here i am posting this blog and taking care of minor things for the wedding. nothing stressful. tomorrow i hope to catch up on some much needed sleeping in.

monday is our last day of precana...THANK GOD!!! i cannot wait. i can have my monday workouts back....and my routine becomes a little more normal. I need normal in my life soon...i havent had normal since....i cant remember. the next big thing aside from the wedding that will stress me out is the move. yes, we are moving. this is the longest i have probably lived anywhere since 2001. quite sad. it felt good knowing i had a somewhat permanent home for a while. come april, we will move....hopefully to OB if not UTC. that transition will probably last a few years...i dont see us buying a house here anytime in the near future or ever. buying a house in san diego is impossible these days. our combined income only makes the picture look worse. the disappointing fact is that there are hundreds upon hundreds of people in the same shoes we are in. i have hope that maybe one day we'll get a house, and if not, then its ok. i'll be ok with not being a home owner. i realize things never work out how you plan them to, they never do. you just have to roll with the punches.

anyway, this blog is done. i'm gonna set my ass on the couch and get some relaxing in.

frustrated

2008-02-07T20:09:00.000-08:00

ever get that feeling where you feel like you just aint getting something? ever wonder if you'll ever get it? ever wonder if it'll be the one thing that holds you down?

well, i have all those feelings. monday i learned a new thing at work...federal COBRA. the process of enrollment is quite tricky. the room for errors are extremely large and it can cost you your job if done incorrectly. hence the reason why i'm having such a hard time getting it. i also think that it has a lot to do with training, rather a lack of training in my case. i was exposed to the concept for a mere 2 hours. i was forced to start working them the next day...63 assigned to me a day. maybe the training team has the notion that total immersion works. well, maybe it does, but why give us live folders? why not have dummy folders so there's a way to track our progress or lack there of.

i went from being a mass producer of folders (150-200) a day to a depressing 85. how shitty is that. i feel i have no confidence in what i am doing right now. everyone tells me it takes time to get it, to stick in there and to just push through. trust when i say that i am...BUT and yes there's always a but with me. but i already have a couple negative slashes on my side. i have attendance issues that are not entirely my fault. actually i was written up quite unfairly, but whatever, i'm trying to put that behind me and just trudge throw this mud for the next 5 months of probation. just maybe, just hopefully, i will still have a job at the end of my probation. i have been working over time for the past 2 weeks now...putting in well over 50 hours a week. dont get me wrong the pay will be nice...up until april, but seriously it really cuts into my personal time. it doesnt allow me sufficient rest. but i have to make up for what i've done wrong, in hopes that they'll see my hard work and dedication to coming in early and staying late and coming in on saturdays, for redemption - and just maybe this sacrifice will pay off and earn me a permanent seat with my job.

i'm not even sure i want to stay at this job, but experience is what i need, and its what i'm getting here. i can move to different areas should i chose to in 18 months, well, if i'm there in 18 months. there's that catch and scratches at the back of my head every day. i really wanted to do right with this new job...i really did. here i done screwed up my reputation with management. dan says i'm too hard on myself that i take my job personally. well, he's right. but to a point i need to, because its my character. its who i am. its what i do. its a way to better myself all around. he's tired of hearing it from me. this is where working out comes into play. its where i can let out that aggresion, the frustration, the self pity and soothe my doubts. its almost a type of therapy mentally and physically, not to mention that i want to lose 20 more pounds before the wedding. i've already lost 10...20 more to go...if not 20 then i'll settle for 10. i know it'll all come back when i get pregnant anyway, but the idea is to remain toned. ha we'll see how that goes...dan'll have to get used to taking walks around the block with me during the evenings aside from working out after work. maybe my kid will come out with a six pack and toned biceps...ha not likely...that would be kinda gross actually.

anyway, i better hop in the shower and clean up for bed...my head is longing for my pillow...another day gone...same routine tomorrow...work 10 hours, workout, come home, sleep and then all over again. maybe i wont be so frustrated tomorrow...i have to come to grips that eventually i'll get what it is that i am learning that they expect me to master for my job...i hope i can start fresh tomorrow...oh wait i cant, cause i have pended folders left over from today...there goes that dash of hope...damn...

good nite

yours truly

-ms frustrated.

unreliable

2008-02-06T20:45:00.000-08:00

I never knew what to expect with planning a wedding. i knew it would be stressful AT times and that eventually things would come together. I always had a warm fuzzy feeling that people would come together to help plan it, to help make the day perfect - more specifically your closest friends and family. why is that so not the case for my wedding. it seems like i am pulling teeth to get my friends to even cooperate. i have one friend that i can truly count on for the wedding and she has truly stepped up to the plate to get things done. she really has made a difference in my stress level. but the others...what the hell is wrong with you guys? i know you have your own individual lives to live, well newsflash to ya'll I DO TOO! so far, janice and i have been going to the extreme by buying people's shoes for them and taking them to their works to have them try it on. must i really have to do this? apparently so...especially for my bridesmaids. personally i think it is rediculous, but they dont understand time frames here. shoes come and go, people have the same shoe size as everyone else, so NO your size aint gonna be there in a week, hell the damn shoe might not even be there in a week.

i am at a point where i am beginning to realize that may is just around the corner...and i feel like i have so much to do. i dont feel like it, i know there is so much to do. i'd really have liked if all this were already done. but, its not. but whatever, its what danny says, it'll all fall into place and if doesnt then we'll deal with it when the time comes. but to relax and let things be is kinda out of the question for me. i just dont see me relaxing until may 18. i'd really like to set up a massage spa day with a few of my girls the day before the wedding. i really wish i can. maybe i'll just go with those that deserve to get pampered.

you know what i desparately need right now. a vacation...a little mini getaway. actually i need sleep. working 50 plus hours a week with only sunday off and planning this wedding has really consumed my life. i'm barely even hitting the gym every day. i need to go cause i need to lose this damn weight before the wedding...actually i need to flatten my stomach and tone my arms before the wedding, everything else is going to be hidden so i dont care for it....yet.

anyway, its 918pm and i am beat. i can literally fall asleep at my laptop right now. i feel like i have been running on fumes for the past week. i just feel out of it. i've caught myself almost making a left turn onto the wrong side of the street. how awful is that...i just have lack of sleeep i think...i catch myself not doing things, like locking my car, shutting the garage door..shit like that. eh, its life right. i'm dealing with it the best way i know how.

i just know that i have danny to come home to and an excited weiner. ... the dog LUTHOR. its always nice coming home to them cause they're excited to see me. it makes the day 10 times better than it was before i walked through the door. i have to give it to danny, he has put with a a lot of shit from me. this wedding has really gotten the best of me and he's seen me at my worse..and he has still managed to stay in love with me. he's a very supportive dude. i like that. he really has me grounded. i know i have a nice safe loving place to come home to and someone i can talk to about almost everything.

ok...seriously, i need to get to bed before i fall asleep. toodles looos...

burnt

2008-01-29T19:23:00.000-08:00

so here i sit, about 40 min to go before i am back out on the road needing to be somewhere. tonite its daniels bball night with the guys. being a great fiancee that i try to be, i try to go to every game for moral support. they're good players, but can be random too.

last night put us over the hump for our precana classes. just two more to go. i cant wait till this thing is finished. i really cant. it has gotten really repetitive and meaningless to me. i am at the point where i am just going with the motions. its so ridiculous that its not funny anymore. and the homework they give...are you serious...its almost a joke...ok it is a joke. these classes are so geared towards kids that have just gotten out of high school, those who dont have a lot of life experience under their belts.

work...man...its almost killing me. i feel like i am starting to live in my cube. i am there 6 days a week. i work a lil over 50 hours a week and probably will continue at this pace until april...as suggested in our last meeting. we were forewarned in the last meeting that all probationers and newbies have to work overtime if they plan on working there next year. so basically i am an overtime bitch for the next god knows how long. but whatever, i need this job. it has damn good benefits and in a weird way they take care of their employees. but its a job that is definitely worth keeping. as much as i am bitching about it now, its cake. it really is and to get paid to do what i do is amazing almost. though it gets boring after 2 hours, good thing i can listen to tunes while i work...its what keeps me paced

this week by far will be one of the busiest weeks ever for me. i have something planned to do after work everyday of this week...that includes the weekends. if i keep going at this pace, with planning the wedding and living life..my ass will be burned out before the wedding. sad part is that i dont even get a break....no honeymoon this year. who knows when we'll be able to take it or if we'll take it at all...it may be something that falls in the cracks as time passes. this wedding has gotten to be not what i expected. i thought i'd be thrilled about it all, but i'm so the opposite. i am waiting for sunday the 18th more than i am the 17th, just so i can breathe a little easier with all the stress off my shoulders. its a whatever for me now....i presume it'll be that way till the day i get married... but then again i cant speak in definitive tones, cause things change...its just the way life is now a days.

on a happier note...the invitations, the ring and coin pillows, the flower girl baskets and our giveaways are ordered. thank heavens!!! now all i have to worry about is the programs, the place cards, the numbers for the tables, and gifts for my girls. oh and i still have to buy a veil, not to mention the rope and other veil. so many little things that i know that i am forgetting. so many...i'm gonna lose my mind here shortly.

well, its almost that time to hit the road and see my honey play some ball.

30 days

2008-01-24T20:11:00.000-08:00

It is nearly one month since the last post....last year! I never did get around to blogging about christmas. i've just been too busy i guess. there have been a lot of changes in my life and unexpected trials and tribulations also.

my new year began as a very busy one and each week has had a tie to the wedding. the first weekend....danny and i had to attend a seminar on nfp. what is nfp, you ask. It is natural family planning. Its birth control for the hard core catholics out there. unfortunately, i am not a hard core catholic, and i simply rely on the method of birth control pills. But you see, i have never had the notion of being a hard core catholic...even growing up i strayed away from the morals of Catholicism. i know i was definitely going to hell when i lost my virginity back in freshman year of high school. those days seem to almost be a distant past for me now. my niece is a freshman in high school right now...playing basketball as i once did. she's following my footsteps in academics and sports...i just hope she doesnt go off fucking the whole student body by her senior year. i know she has morals...better ones than i had when i was that young.

back to the wedding stuff...so every monday at 7pm since january 7 and up to february 11 - dan and i have been attending evenings for the engaged. these evenings have typically lasted up to 2 hours...in that 2 hours we talk about all kinds of stuff. these evenings for the engaged are supposed to help us self reflect and apply it to our future. in a sense, its supposed to get us ready for the future. i must tell you, the topics are pretty ridiculous. I mean, if you havent talked about some of these topics they bring up then i think you dont have any business getting married to begin with. Thus far, we have talked about characteristics we both like in each other and about each other; characteristics of our family - from how they handled differences to how they handle each other; we've done an exercise on listening and telling; to telling the whole group how we met and why we decided to move in with each other. a lot of the questions are actually quite personal to a degree...its definitely not something i would bring up to a stranger to strike a conversation out of boredom. but whatever, the pope is making us go through this 6 nights of weirdness to just get married in the church. i think danny is dealing with it a lot better than i am. i guess, in all reality, i hate doing things that i am told to do. big reason why i never went into the military. so once these 6 weeks are over, we get a little certificate saying that we're compatible and have talked about just everything that may break us a part. but its fair to say that its a learning experience and i'm really not all that opposed to it. i just think its whack that it is mandatory to attend to get married in a church....well st john of the cross to be exact. after we complete this, we have to talk to a priest about differences we managed to score on a questionnaire they made us take. that'll be interesting.

every tuesday night dan has a basketball game. him and the rest of eazy livin get together and try to kick some young'n ass. its kinda funny sometimes. i guess its fair to say that ya'll aint got nothing on white old people! they do pretty good...for being over 30 and peaking to 40.

work...oh my...where do i ever begin about that place. Lets just say i'm fighting to make my place in that world. i just need to stick to my guns and work with my nose to the grinder. being a newbee sucks. i just need to stay positive. gotta stay positive.

the wedding is definitely closing in...and fast. i seem like i have so much to do with no time to do it or help for that matter. this wedding has definitely stressed me out to my max lately and i know its only going to get worse. i've even gotten to the point where i cant sleep at night cause i've got all kinds of things associated with the wedding running through my mind. its horrible. i know it shouldnt be like this. my right hand lady...lives in michigan and cant do shit from where she is at. my mom is A LOT of talk and no action. my bridesmaids are there but not there. i just dont have anyone i feel i can turn to and trust to take care of any of this stuff. janice is the only one who has stepped to the plate and taken charge of something and greatly appreciate it. my other girls are lost in the sauce of the corporate world and are consumed by things that are far more important than my wedding. ha what a joke, huh! i just cant wait till this fiasco is over. i really cant wait...i cant wait for the morning where i can wake up and not have to stress about this wedding. i really cant wait. the wedding itself...doesnt seem exciting to me anymore...its the morning after the wedding where i can finally breathe and be free excites me more. how pathetic is that?

can you believe there are so many little girls in the world that look forward to their wedding day? millions...and they have no idea what it entails....unless you can afford a wedding planner and can sit back and let them do all the bitch work for you....then that would be great. but for the working class like me....those things just arent worth it for the money. how sad is that. my kids are getting married in vegas...i aint going through this shit again.

so there...that's whats happened in the past 30 days....anyone wanna walk in my shoes?

Christmas

2007-12-25T09:15:00.000-08:00

christmas has come again. this year the family is doing something different. we've managed to go to church on our own times this year. danny and i, attended midnight mass at Good Shepherd in Mira Mesa. Its been a long while since the last time that i've been to mass. every year prior to this, i was always one of the members of church sitting in a pew listening to the priest say wow, we have a full house tonite....if only every sunday was like this, but unfortunately the only time we have huge crowds like these are during christmas and easter. as much as i dont want to admit it, i was one of those people this year. i cant promise that next year it'll be different cause i dont like to make promises that i cannot keep. this year was a busy year for me and i never seemed to want to make time for church. not a good thing at all. i grew up going to church, and here i am on my own and have been out of my parents house now for the past 7 and a half years...and i cant seem to get myself together and attend church. its a small sacrifice. an hour once a week, and i failed to do it this year. tis tis on me.

the game plan for today is to head over to moms house and bbq some of my famous ribs. i take pride in them, cause they are scrumptious. my brother ralph is cooking a 12 pound prime rib and dad is cooking some kind of potato dish. last i head it was hash browns, but that cant be right. the pie just finished cooking in my oven and is ready to go over to moms. i'm preparing my ribs for bbqing here before i bring em over. paul will probably bring something over also, not sure what. jim, well, he's lazy and probably wont contribute jack shit but complaints. there's always a scrooge in every family. some where in the mix, we'll exchange gifts so the kids will have some kind of christmas this year. we arent the traditional family when it comes to the holidays. we never have been. my parents dont even have a tree up...its been maybe 10 years now that they dont put up a tree, but at least they have lights up outside.

sometimes i wish we were more traditional with celebrating christmas. i guess i'll have to live that out when i have kids. the whole christmas carols around the fireplace drinking hot cocoa and doctored egg nog. i definitely want to make a big deal about decorating the tree and putting up lights. its hard to now cause its just me and danny. maybe when we get a bigger place we can have a christmas eve party of even just a christmas party so we can have friends over and just enjoy the holidays. i've always wanted to host a christmas party of some sort cause they're always fun. one year it'll happen....

stay tuned for tonites post....maybe it'll happen tomorrow...

27

2007-12-22T19:41:00.000-08:00

gaining another year under my belt, i have turned 27 years old. as i think back about reminisce about the past 26 years of my life, i can honestly say that i have been through hell and back again in the past 6 years of my life. but nows not the time to dwell on those things because i have learned and moved on. i live a beautiful life with many opportunities. often times i take for granted what i have. i can honestly say that i do....cause i know there are many people out there that would like to walk in my shoes.

in the past 2 years alone...i have really made a difference in my life. i graduated from college. having been rejected by so many employers because of lack of job experience, i decided to start my work experience at home depot. they were actually the only company that wanted to hire me at the time and i took advantage of it. i stayed there for 1 year and 3 and a half months. it definitely is not the best job out there. BUT, i did gain some valuable work experience, and gosh darn it, i think customer service is a great experience to have...especially in our society. last month i was presented with an opportunity that seemed, at the time, too good to be true. but what the hell, i thought, i may as well see where it takes me...i didnt have anything to lose. i really didnt want to start a new job until after the wedding just so that i have my vacation time in place for the honeymoon.

low and behold, 1 week after submitting my resume i was called back. i couldnt even begin to tell you how excited i was when the person on the other line said they were from kaiser. my heart nearly skipped a beat. it took nearly 3-4 weeks before i was actually hired. a process, from what i was told, that would nearly take 2-3 months. i really got lucky with this one. i have to admit, the work is boring but i got to tell you, i love my job...right now at least. i dont know of a job that is more laid back than this. this company really takes care of its employees and has awesome benefits. this is probably one of the best things that has happened to me this year.

anyway, the holiday season is definitely here. i almost almost done with my christmas shopping. i always tend to be one of those last minute shoppers. but i am happy to admit that i did not have to go to the mall this year for christmas gifts. i did a lot of christmas shopping online and i have resorted to just giving gift cards away, and those are always convenient to buy now at the local grocery stores. conveniences, gotta love it.

having chosen to quit home depot, i finally went back into the store today to buy something. it was nice to see everyone i worked with. to know that many of those people were happy to see me - made me feel good. i have definitely made some friends there. note to buddy...when am i gonna get a copy of those photos that we took when we dressed up???? send em my way buddy! oh and by the way, i miss you. but hey word to the wise, you'll be outta there soon and onto bigger and better things. take it this way...you invested time into home depot and that time will pay off sooner or later. customer service is a good thing to have under your belt. trust...it'll pay off.

quota

2007-12-17T19:10:00.000-08:00

every day at work i have a quota to meet....which typically amounts to this...nearly 10-15 calls per day and 85-90 cases worked. thats a lot. i for the first two days was able to meet my quota. however, today, i wasnt able to meet that quota. i only got 56 cases done, in an 8 hour period. the worse part is that i didnt even have to answer phones today or for the next few weeks for that matter. how pathetic. a lot, i feel, has to do with how i was trained today. my trainer, did not understand that i am a hands-on learner. you can preach to me and educate me verbally till i am blue in the face, but i can guarantee you that i wont learn jack shit from it. i've always been that way since day one. my preschool teach mrs howard will tell you that. i've tried to change my learning style, but nothing has changed.

at any rate, the people in my bay are slowly opening up to me...so to speak. granted i sit at the end of the bay, thank god, cause i hate when people watch me work. but anyway, a few of them have talked to me on a regular basis now. the others...eh...not so sure about. the gay guy hasnt said a word to me since day one, the lady with the manly voice hasnt even acknowledged that i am alive. the runner chick, she's easing up. the fat lady, she's alright, she the only one thats jolly and talks to me. the filipina lady, not sure what to think of her, she's a loaner for sure, and she's retiring at the end of the month, so i dont give a shit about her, and she probably doesnt give a shit about me.

i have made any new friends at my new work, and i kinda like that. i am treating it strictly as work. i feel that this place is one in which, you are on your own. and such i treat as so. but i definitely dont want to get into the cubicle drama as most people are sucked into it. i dont care much about other people garbage when it come down to the nitty gritty. its bad enough that we have mandatory potlucks to tend to. people at my work love food. they see food and they have no problem eating it. come on now, they have potlucks every 2 weeks it seems like. kinda funny i think. it gives everyone a reason to have a 2 hour paid lunch. cant beat that. means i have time to run miscellaneous errands in and around my work, while people eat up and play scrabble or mad gabs.

i must say this...i definitely dont miss the customers at home depot. i miss my peeps tho. buddy i miss you too, you're like the little bro i never had. lindsay, i miss my lunch buddy. jasmin, i miss the talks about life with you. vicki...i miss the shit talking and horse play. anna, i've missed you since you left me and went to the vault...youre like a big sis to me...you, jasmin and lindsay. i definitely dont miss victor tho...ta hell with ya dude. mikey in appliances, i miss being your go to lady...you always knew how to cheer me up when the going got tough. buddy, jules and jasmin...when we gonna grub up on some sushi...yo? don in garden, eh man, i took your advice, i havent looked back since i left. sad part is, i have to go there tomorrow to buy some shit for the closet and some gift cards for my bros. oh well, at least i'm a customer now, and not donovan's bitch! i definitely miss you peeps!

the beginning

2007-12-13T18:52:00.000-08:00

today was my very first meeting at work. the girls in the bay next to me warned me about how boring it would be...and it was. i seriously felt like i was in grade school. right when i walked in my manager asked me to sit way in the front right next to her. no big deal...i just dont like being singled out like that. then of course, as expected, she introduced me to everyone in the room. most people i knew or met because of shadowing. when asked where i came from, the manager mentioned home depot...so now my nickname there is ms home depot...or just home depot. whatever. who cares. cant let it get to me. but then there was the ooohhh and not so ahhh in the air becuase my co-workers love the transfers from the call center because they already know some of the system...whereas, i dont know jack shit about the system and i cant get into the next training until january 3rd...so for the next 2 weeks i am the mercy of my coworkers. my co workers dont seem to have a lot of faith in me just cause i got hired off the street. but i aint gonna let it bother me, i just got to show them that i can handle my own ground.

after the meeting, i was finally given my computer log in...and thank god it worked cause i was actually working today. i did member changes for the remainder of the day and boy oh boy i loved it. i have my own computer, my own place to sit, my own work....ahh,....is finally coming together. i had a lot of questions, but i only pended 17 cases and finished 97....i met the daily quota...and for a newbee i think thats fucking fantastic. it sure impressed my trainer and manager.

i also got my own emial address....its almost official. i just cant wait until they get me into their chronos system via the phone...and it would help if i had a working phone. i hope things really come together soon. all i need to do is receive my benefits package via the email and get my direct deposit going. i'd hate to have to go to the bank and deposit my checks every saturday.

so far the week has gone by pretty calmly. according to the manager, i will be fitted next week for my ergonomic comfort at my desk...i hope to god they give me a regular key board cause that ergonomic keyboard is cramping my style and slowing me down. so that'll be something to look forward to. i guess. tomorrow we have a mandatory pot luck, we'll have a 2 hour lunch to attend and shoot the shit with co-workers. hopefully i'll get to mingle with everyone....and try and become part of the family there. for whatever reason, i still feel like the outsider and i hate that feeling. kinda makes me sad. time will tell...only time.

so far the beginning has been tolerable....and its just the beginning....

a new start

2007-12-10T18:58:00.000-08:00

the color orange....is now part of my past. i have served my time and learned many things at the hell depot. finally on saturday december 8, 2007 i was able to put it all behind me. i threw in the towel and called it quits 2 weeks prior to saturday and patiently waited for saturday to arrive. and boy oh boy when it did, my grin was ear to ear. i was probably the happiest person in that store that day. i counted my time, hour by hour then minute by minute. i said my good bye's...hugged those that i care about and shook hands with those i couldnt wait to leave.

having been at home depot for over a year i was able to meet new people and create bonds with those that i care for. i have met quite a crowd there, and only a handful i have promised myself to keep in touch with...just a handful. i have an almost new best friend and definitely a confidant. these people have really got me through the worse at home depot and have definitely laughed with me and cheered me on when i succeeded in something. i walked away from home depot with an air of confidence.

jenn had definitely made it a memorable last day by shrink wrapping my truck...never thought they'd do it to me, but they definitely found my truck and wrapped it. then in my last hour, tony and jenn tapped me to a chair and shrink wrapped me and rolled me all over the front end....a departing gesture meaning they will me miss....i think. i will definitely miss some people there, but i no doubt am very happy that i am no longer in customer service dealing with customers one-on-one. no more retail for me. btw, you can check out those shrink wrap pictures on my flickr account. they are all posted there. having the home depot now behind me....

i started monday with a brand new start at kaiser. my first day....was....hectic. there was a lot of information that was presented to me. i hope to have retained a lot of it. i hope! i trained with a pretty cool lady...jeannie...she's a lot older, but she was a cool cat. unfortunately i wont be with her tomorrow....i'll have to rotate onto someone new. the system they work with is pretty complex, but with the right training i plan to master it.

kaiser is definitely something different that home depot. i am not able to have my cell phone on or i'll be written up. i have little access to the outside world..right now at least. i hope to have my own extension by sometime next week. i do, however, have my own cubicle. i must say, i have a pretty damn cool cubicle. i need to decorate in and around it. i definitely need to put up a photo of me and daniel so all them damn dudes hitting on me today know I GOT A MAN! i'm spoken for fools! and if you aint leave me alone you'll be answering to my honey.

anyway, kaiser is a real cool place. the people are extremely friendly and helpful. they have all kinds of incentives to work hard. they have competitions and reward you with amex gift cards, they seem to always have pot lucks, managers always provide cookies and brownies, and management walks around and actually shows you they give a shit about you. which i think is really nice. i feel like i'm part of the company and not just the bitch doing the grunt work to get things done. i look forward to working at kaiser and taking full advantage of any benefits they have to offer me. .... wish me luck in my endeavors.

holidays

2007-12-02T22:27:00.000-08:00

can you believe that it is already december? the last month of 2007. the holiday season that manages to bring out the worse in most people and the best in the rest. the holiday season is definitely in full swing. everywhere you look there's a little bit of the christmas spirit everywhere. lights are slowly going up on people's houses, trees are being transported home, christmas music is being played in almost everywhere retail store and people are even starting to say happy holidays. i tell you, the holiday season seems to kick off earlier and earlier each year. soon we'll be in the christmas spirit by halloween, then the following year it will be labor day then the following year it'll be by the 4th of july. okay okay....thats an exaggeration...but the point is, people are getting into it earlier and earlier each year....i guess its not so much people, but retail stores.

so the verdict of the colorado trip finally came back this past week. danny finally shared 'the' email with me from the parental units. i tell you, i was nervous reading that thing. i wasnt sure if i even wanted to open the email. but i did. i got their approval. they stated that they liked me a lot and were very impressed with me. thats a good sign. i was finally able to sleep well that night...the anticipation of what they thought of me was really building up after the trip and i am glad that i sailed away in flying colors. the thought of getting along with my future in laws is almost the greatest feeling. it just means that there wont be hostility between us in the future. and thats good. it'll make looking forward to the holidays or the yearly trip out to colorado more exciting for me and danny. he was right, i should have never worried about it. i took his advice from the get go...he said to be myself...and darn it i was...and it paid off.

so this christmas will be me and danny's first christmas together. last year he went home for the holidays and i was not able to go with him. but from here on out, we are to spend all our holidays together. so this particular christmas is a special one for me...just because he'll be home for it. i'll get to wake up to him on christmas day and run over to the tree with excitement, ready to open my presents and watch him open his. it'll be great. i'm so excited. hopefully next week we'll be picking out our christmas tree and decorating around the house...more so this year than last...just cause he's gonna be home for it. i'm even gonna try and make some of them famous donna sugar cookies. i did most my christmas shopping for him already...just a couple more things to get and some stocking stuffers and i am pau...oh ya baby...started early this year!

under the weather

2007-11-28T23:27:00.000-08:00

its about that time of the year that many people start feeling a lil under the weather. believe it or not, my danny, is under the weather. the man hardly ever gets sick. but for some reason, this bug has got a hold of him for sure. he's at home right now, i'm hoping, sleeping like a baby. he was instructed to take some nyquil, but he hates taking medicine. hopefully tonite he'll be able to sweat it out...and sleep soundly not having to worry that he might be keeping me up.

this month has been quite a busy one. the colorado trip really made it busy, but also having a new job opportunity arise made it even more busy. i, after 1 year and 3 months, finally walked into the hr office and handed jessie my two weeks notice. i cant even begin to express how good that felt. having worked for a company for so long - a company that i have learned to hate, has really made me ill-spirited towards them. having been able to place that two week notice in was like a slap back in their face. i know they'll be losing a real valuable employee to their workforce, not that they gave a shit, but it's there loss and not mines. i have gained a lot of experience from this company. i cant say it any better than robert x..." you were just buying time here...not wasting it...you were able to pick up some valuable skills that will get you where you eventually want to be." i was almost touched when he said that to me. this man has been working for the company for a long while now, and if ever you get to sit down with him, he really tells you how it is. he does not beat around that bush or sugar coat anything...he's very direct and to the point...the kind of man that home depot hates...but cannot afford to lose. pretty funny i think.

if all goes well, i will be starting me new job on the 10th. i cannot tell you how freaking excited i am. this is the type of job that i have seen myself doing from the get go. i'll have my own little cube, my own desk, phone, keys...security badge...the works. its so exciting. along with it, more responsibility...and i just cant wait to prove to this company what i am made of. i hope to go far with this company and possibly make it a career...move up the steps and gain seniority as i go. its a well paying job, well to my standards, the benefits are the damn greatest there is...and its monday through friday 8-5...cannot beat that! well you can if you only work a few days out of the week and have cash coming out of every crevice of your body...but who has that going on, huh bill gates?

many co-workers have heard of my departure and many of them are very happy to see me go...in a good way. i was warned by the majority that this company is not one to stay with as they do not care for the employees...which is so true i might add. they are happy to see that i finally am able to get out and away from the hell whole of which we work for day after day, hour after hour. a select few are angry of my departure because it leaves them short staffed...boo fucking hoo....get over it. i found something way better than what this company has ever had to offer me...and damnit i'd be a fool to not take this opportunity and GROW from it.

so here i am...living life one beat at a time...and at just the right time an opportunity presented itself...and here i am taking it....my life is slowly falling in sync with the rhythm and harmony life's music...

Lovely

2007-11-26T10:10:00.000-08:00

making our rounds of saying good-bye, donna and i embraced, but before the embrace she said...come here lovely lady...or something to that effect. the main thing of that phrase is lovely lady. having been nervous as shit going there, i was eased by the end of the trip with just those words. i wasnt able to get a good feel on whether roger or donna liked me or not throughout the week long stay at their home. they are not easy people to read.....now i know where daniel gets it from. i couldnt read him for nothing even if my life depended on it.

Sunday....the week had a long long start to it....a thousand mile drive which ended up being about 16 hours. we drove through california, nevada, arizona, utah and colorado to get to a one stop light town named buena vista. its quite a small town, but not as small as most towns we saw enroute. anyhow, we left here sunday morning at 4:40....and arrived there about 9 in the evening. i slept here and there but was awake for the most part towards the end of the trip where i wished i would have slept. the switch backs up the mountain were making me and luthor feel yucky. daniel drove the entire way there...he wouldnt let me drive...something told me he wanted to prove is manly driving skills to me that day. ha...well, you proved em well babe. i was very impressed. we stopped about 5 times to gas up our little kia sportage. that car went through hell and back again. daniel picked it up nice and shinny and returned it gritty and grimmy. we arrived at the house, to discover no one was home. wasnt bad...for me at least. i felt a lil at ease...was kinda like...schwoo. shortly after unloading the car, his parents arrived. boy i tell ya, my heart started beating like there were no tomorrow. i didnt look very presentable to his parents...being that i was stuck on my ass for the better part of the day with no where to go but there. i was worried about first impressions with them...those are the ones that last the longest. anyway, daniel and his parents hugged and said hi...and then it was my turn...they hugged and said hi. shocked i was....didnt think i'd get a hug so quick from them. they were very at ease about everything. it was almost like we already met before somewhere. for the rest of the night, i was definitely on my toes. didnt really speak unless spoken to...that type of deal. we ate some home cooked meatloaf that was absolutely delish. i normally dont like meat loaf, but the woman made it so well. either that or i was just hungry. i was offered a shower...oh hell yes, i was taking one. definitely wasnt going to turn that down. having been warned that the hot water doesnt last long i was very nervous to take a shower. daniel said hot water only lasts 10 minutes. so here i was...starting to prepare for the long awaited shower...and i'm thinking ...shit...i think i only have enough time to wash my hair and soap half my body. i looked at my razor and said...fuck it....not tonite. so i got in and got out. huhm...funny thing, my shower was more than 10 min...i could have shaved my legs if i wanted it...damn it.

Monday....woke up and got ready to go sightseeing. didnt take long to see the town...a couple of hours if that. beautiful town it was...small but beautiful. took some photos here and there. nothing extravagant. we headed back a little after 12 then decided we would go and eat at sonics...had to do it. i always see the commercials and needed to conquer it. let me tell you, the food was so so. didnt like the burger, liked the tots and loved the shake. it only took us an hour to get to it and then an hour back. it was far....not worth the drive. i would have driven farther for filet mignon and lobster...but sonic was definitely not in that league. a lil disappointed but whatever...no big deal. the rest of the day was pure on chillaxing. did nothing but stay home and watch some football and sitcoms. it was great.

Tuesday....woke up and had some awesome biscuits and gravy. mmmm...were they yummy! after breakfast we started talking about the wedding. discovered that danny already had godparents in mind. didnt think he was gonna do it...but surprise...surprise he asked em over the phone. i'm pretty happy about that. he's taking an active role....great! went through the details of the wedding, shared the photographs that i had and even gave her color swatches. after discussing the wedding we decided to head out and search for a lingerie bag. unfortunately we probably went to every major store in town to discover that some people dont know what a lingerie bag is. darn it. but daniel told me that whatever i forgot we would be able to buy there. ha...so not true. i would have been assed out big time if i really needed it. that night we had a family dinner at the house. daniels brother's family came and his cousin jessica. nice people except for one....whom i wish not to name. but she's a one upper. i dont like those kinds of people. but anyway, dinner was superb. the lady can cook! some serious cooking. i was looking forward to the good food...after all danny was saying about it. was totally true. so i met most the family that night. nice people. the rest of the night was spend watching the nuggets game.

Wednesday...woke up to another scrumptious breakfast. but best of all, to some snow! we decided to do laundry. in the midst of it danny wanted to take me to chalk cliff and to st elmo...way back in the woods. beautiful scenery though. thats all there is in that area...beautiful scenery. got some great shots. got back after an hour or so...to find out his mom folded our laundry...ordinarily i wouldnt have a problem with it, but there's something about your future mom-in-law folding your intimate apparel...that i dont like. i dont mind her folding my clothes but she neednt see the kind of underwear i wear. i'm sure she was shocked, but it was a little disturbing. anyway, i got over it though...a day later. we spent the rest of the day watching mr brooks and some tv. more chillaxing.

Thursday...turkey day. we spend thanksgiving at the purple sage. it was a nice place to have a turkey meal. buffet style. good food. kinda miss having home cooked meal though. i was looking forward to turkey day the most cause of that, but they decided to have it elsewhere to cut down on time for preparation and dishes and all that other stuff. not a bad idea for such a huge party. after lunch we ended up at matts house for some games. i tell you, these people are gamers. they have almost every game imaginable. i'm not a huge game person, but i'm learning now that i need to be. didnt know how to play the games they had. it was horrible looking on my part. but its ok. i'll ease into it. it'll only be once a year that i'll have to do this. so i think i can manage one way or another. the rest of the night was spent watching gray's anatomy and another movie we rented.

Friday...the most exciting day by far. we headed out early to get to colorado springs where we visited and i met his grandma young. sweet old lady. i hope she's doing well. she was going into surgery the morning we left colorado for hip surgery again. before the visit we went to donna's favorite restaurant...red lobster. it was good. its always good. i wasnt impressed with what i ordered but it was eatable. after colorado springs we made our journey to denver...more specifically the pepsi center where we watched the nuggets vs timerwolves. it was a nerve racking game. they looked like they were gonna lose, but they pulled through and won. we had some awesome seats. i had a blast. i finally got my first nugget apparel...a hoodie and a hat. danny got the same. it was really neat. definately worth the long drive of a few hours...in the snow. we got in real late and hit the sack.

Saturday...we got up, showered and headed out the door to make our way back to san diego. we made it home sunday morning at 118am. danny drove 10 hours to vegas and i took over the wheel and got us home.

great trip. did a lot of relaxing...and now i can finally say, i met his parents....the wedding is still on for may. the best thing of the trip was the nugget game and the snow...the worse part of the trip is the drive up and the drive back down. i'll get used to it. we'll be making annual visits over the holidays in the years to come....thank god we dont have kids yet...that would make for a really long trip.

4.5 hours

2007-11-17T23:21:00.000-08:00

nearly 4 and a half hours to go before we load up the car and head to colorado....to meet the parents. you betcha i am nervous as hell. i dont know why i am so nervous. maybe it has to do with these folks being daniel's parents...and that we're getting married in six months. its scary because.....well it just is damnit. i dont know how to explain it.

daniel created a diversion for us....for black friday. he booked tickets to the nuggets vs timberwolves at the pepsi center in denver at 7pm. i am so excited....and we're going with his parents...some common ground. but its a diversion, gets us out the house and into something we like doing....watching basketball. i get to see kleiza...aka...hot guys...play some ball in his home court. hopefully they kill the other team.

so it appears that we will be spending thanksgiving at his brother's house. a new house and his brother's first thanksgiving in the house...so its special to everyone. i'm excited about thanksgiving. i love turkey and all the fixin's. hopefully it'll be scrumptuous.

i dont think my family here is having a thanksgiving. i guess my sis-in-law is not doing so well, health wise. she recently had her gallbladder removed and is having a slow recovery....and being that thanksgiving is literally around the corner, i doubt they'll be fixin the traditional thanksgiving lunch. so i dont know what my family is doing. i dont think my mom is hosting it at her house, so they may just go out to dinner or do something real basic at the house. my oldest brother is already in town from arizona for the holidays, my youngest older brother is arriving back into town for the holidays and well, the second oldest is in town and the third oldest hasnt spent thanksgiving with us since he moved to the east coast. i hope he and his family have a wonderful thanksgiving.

anyway, i am all packed up except for a sweater that is in the dryer...that is still not dry yet....so i am waiting up for it. danny is passed out on the couch and luthor...he's already in bed waiting for us. he thinks he's gonna be left behind again...but he's in for a surprise....cause he's coming with us and dont even know it.

anyway, i better get the rest of the odds and ends together...and get to sleep. with me luck with meeting them -in-laws....i'll need....

1 day

2007-11-16T18:01:00.000-08:00

today is finally friday...schwoo...finally! vacation officially begins....but it brings me closer to sunday and closer to meeting the --in-laws..... yep you got it, nervousness creeping back in me. maybe i'll fall asleep on the ride over and just not have to think about it..and awaken when we are finally there then be in a stupor from the sleep. ha. ya right. i'll probably be up 80% of the way...just maybe danny will let me do some driving. but who knows.

i've got some religious obligation to tend to tonight and the better part of tomorrow then its packing time for colorado. on tuesday, while we are there, there is supposed to be a snow storm. man...that will be new to me. not sure what that is, or how it'll be...but i do know that my ass will be inside next to a fire if not bundled up in blankets. me and the cold dont do very well...i think. i'm not sure...cold for me is like 65 degrees....and here i am going to a place where it dips down to 35...i may freeze to death.

but needless to say, i'm feeling excitement and nervousness at the same time. 1 day to go...

nervous

2007-11-15T20:30:00.000-08:00

tomorrow is my 7th day working...and man, i am feeling it. today dragged all day...no customers to tend to, nor any problems. its was a nice day, but a very boring one. i cant even tell you what i did today because i really didnt do anything. however, i did push in some carts and thats about it, i was actually happy to do it because i didnt have a chance to go to the gym this morning...i did a some ab work and weights at home, but not a full blown workout.

for the past few weeks now, well - ever since we got back from ireland, i've been thinking about this colorado trip. i am nervous as all hell. i've never met daniel's parents. this sunday will be my first face-to-face encounter with them. have you any idea how nerve racking this is for me. i've never really had a problem with parents, most parents i meet love me on the spot. i guess this is different, because i dont ever talk to danny's parents. i've talked each of his parents once or twice...and thats all. i've been with daniel now for a year and 7 months on the 21st.

i've gotten to the point that i dont sleep at night thinking about it. there isnt anything i want more than for them to like me. its hard when you dont get a long with your in-laws. really hard. i dont ever want to be in that position. but then again, i'll only have to see them once a year for a holiday. danny says not to worry, but of course he'll say that, they're his parents. i've just come to the conclusion that they will either hate me or love me...and i'll just have to live with what they decide.

the plan for the trip is to leave about 4am sunday morning, in hopes to get there by 9pm in the evening. we are driving straight through, stopping now and again to get something to eat, take a potty break, let luthor out, and to stretch our legs...oh and gas...how can i forget the oh so expensive gas now a days. so wish me luck, because i will be needing it for sure.

trust me when i say that i will be nervous until sunday about 9pm when we finally arrive in buena vista, colorado and the young residence.....

stay tuned for the next blog, it ought to be when i am in colorado...

Downtown

2007-11-10T18:52:00.000-08:00

it has been a long while since dan and i have been out. well, to downtown at least. we usually frequent ocean beach, as it is a much more casual and relaxing place to be. but tonite, we've been invited to have dinner for janice's birthday at sushi ito in downtown off of f street. i think the last time we were downtown was for the padre game against the rockies back in september. it'll be a lil different this time around. dan hasnt really had a chance to really go out with any of my friends...actually we hardly ever go out with my friends...we are always meeting up with his. timing i guess is the cause of that, or maybe dan just doesnt like going out with my friends. who knows. who cares really.

so sushi ito....sushi for the second time this week. i'm surprised i'm not more excited. i love sushi. not sure why i'm not looking forward to this outing. i guess it has a lot to do with downtown. downtown really isnt my place. it was way back in the day when i was way younger, but no i have learned that i like the more laid back scene. i like a place where i can be my usual jeans and t type of wear. we'll see...maybe a new job on the horizon will change all that.

well, i best doll up now so we can hit the downtown scene. ...sushi ito here we come...oh and happy birthday janice!

Communication

2007-11-07T07:13:00.000-08:00

topic on hand...COMMUNICATION...how does such a word fall so deeply on to the gray side of things. One phrase can mean different things to different people....and why is that? why have communication when all you're going to do is get lost in the meaning intended? the funny thing, i think, is that we need communication to maintain order. Order in society, order within a family, order within a relationship/marriage, order within the work place, and so on. Yet it is the same communication that fucks things up. its what makes people angry, its how people perceive things differently, its what makes people tick! how can this be?

here's my suggestions on the topic>>>>>

1. tone. the tone in which one says something can definitely contribute to how something is perceived, understood and taken. when one's tone is derogatory, then the one listening to it may feel they have been beaten down with words. when one is authoritative, the one listening to it may feel they are to obey and fall in line with what was said. when one's tone is complainative (yes i probably made this word up), the one listening may feel like they're listening to an endless bitch session.

2. perception. perception is yet the other key, i think, how communication falls into the gray scale. when one laughs when one is talking, it can be rude if the matter at hand is important to the speaker. the key to this -is importance of what is being said....one may think the matter is important yet the other does not. how can people tell? you cant. its simple as that. so perception in itself is gray.

3. animation. hand gestures can, usually be, a tell tale sign of the tone of the conversation. thoughtful hand gestures are usually present in a normal conversation in which both parties are enjoying the conversation. violent hand gestures usually mean that the lines of communication are urgent or confrontational. usually not a good thing. no hand gestures...well, some people just dont use them.

why am i getting into the lines of communication, you ask? because communication can be so fucked up. the ways in which i communicate arent always successful with what i am trying to get across to the other person. this usually turns into something where i've hurt someone's feelings or someone gestures back in a not so nice way and in turn hurts my feelings.

what ever happened to this phrase: you can talk to me about anything, i'm here for you. i've learned that phrase to not always be true. sometimes people say that just to be nice at the moment, but when all is said and done, and you finally break down and let loose, they put you down. not a very good feeling....then means of communication have been forfeited....cause if you're like me...i just shut down and start harboring things inside, which we all know is not always a good thing.

i've always had the problem of not speaking out what i feel, until about a year and a half ago when i went through some life altering changes. its always been a problem for me since i can remember. i usually keep my troubles, heart ache, frustrations and anger to myself. ..because of the simple fact that i dont want to burden anyone else with my troubles or have the fear of being misinterpreted by the listener. i also have learned over the years that it turns you into a ticking time bomb ready to go off at anyone at any time. but why share your thoughts and feelings when in the end all you get is laughed at or ridiculed?. why? so now, i am learning all over again, that you really cant let loose and talk to people without judgment. you just cant. because if you can, then people wouldnt be up all night thinking about events that occurred to them and how it has effected them in a manner that is bothersome.

so having tried out both outlets...i've learned now that its just better to keep things to yourself. it saves you time. it can save an argument. it can save misconception...it can save a mouthful of words wasted....

Preparations

2007-11-06T11:12:00.000-08:00

the month of november has finally arrived...which marks 6 months before the wedding. the planning is in full swing, more so than ever before. i have been able to get a lot of things done. my to-do-list is getting shorter and shorter...thank GOD. i never thought i would see the light at the end of this tunnel. planning a wedding by yourself is f-ing difficult. i dont recommend it to anyone...so all you young boys and gals, start saving for a wedding planner...cause them bitches are expensive. to date...i only have to pick out invitations and tuxedos...and minor odds and ends that wont take long.

this thursday i am taking my girls in to get fitted for their dresses...and that in itself will be a huge relief, cause that means that the tuxedos will be next. however, i need to get on danny about making time to go pick out invites soon. the boy lags sometimes. i cant wait till all this planning is done and over with. seriously! i dont understand how people can do this for a living...but i guess if the price is right then all else doesnt really matter.

this month, i have another huge event happening in my life. i will, for the first time, be meeting my future in-laws. man that has a weird ring to it. i've only talked to donna twice and roger once. we are spending about 5 whole days over there. i just hope that things go well. i know that the wedding may be an issue with it being catholic and large. i just dont want to have to feel that i have to defend my ways when i get to colorado. there's a part of me thats already building that wall of defense...why? i'm not sure. i guess its because i dont know what to expect. i do know that this trip will probably not be hunky dory as most trips. there's a dominant feeling of nervousness and uneasiness that lingers within me. i hope for my sake, that i'm just over reacting.

i guess in a sense, i dont have that excited feel with the wedding as i thought i would have. dont get me wrong, but theres a bone or two in my body thats excited...and well...the other bones...arent really...they dont know what to feel. it seems, sometimes, that its a waste of time and just a hassle with everyone. one family wants large, the other family wants small. one family is religious, the other is not. i wonder if this will cause major problems between the families as the wedding approaches and even later down the line in the future. i dont have answers to that, and thats probably what scares me the most.

back to thanksgiving...this is my first thanksgiving with danny's family. so it will be fun to see what his family does for thanksgiving. i hear that card games are a biggie. i hope all goes well. i know he's really excited to go home for thanksgiving. he's excited to see family again and to just soak in the mountain scape that he grew up with. it'll be nice to see him relax in his own mountain man world. he needs a breather...i hope this trip will relax him.

Deceit

2007-10-28T08:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a very weird one. I dont know how to beat around the bush or give you much background on what i am about to cover in this blog, so i will just dive into it and hopefully you'll understand.

About noon yesterday M (the whistler) came up to me in a very somber but questionable fashion. She posed the question: "Christine, why do people portray themselves to be something they are not?" All i could answer was..."they're posers, wannabes, and self-conscious." I left it at that. Never thought anything of it until later.

Soon after my short conversation with Maureen, rumor had it that D (the candy lady) was being fired and arrested. I was shocked. I would have never thought that D would be that type of person. Apparently she was stealing money from the company (embezzlement) and also letting customers obtain merchandise for free. A huge NO NO. Funny thing is that D was talking shit about the LP that morning about how lazy he was and very unproductive he was....and only hours later she was the target of his investigation and productivity for the last couple of weeks if not months. Ironic how shit was talked and the bad are cuffed and escorted away. I do not know the full story and I am not sure i want too. reason being, i liked D. she was a nice person....well the person i knew her to be...and i would much rather keep that perception of her. It definitely was not a fun sight to see her being cuffed and escorted out by 3 uniformed police officers. Everyone in the store knew the situation, not all knew the individual, but everyone knew something wasnt adding up when 3 squad cars should up in front of the store and all headed back to the manager's office.

People are not always what they seem to be. Its unfortunate that I had to see D go away in the way she did. Even now, i still feel that she was wrongly accused and I hope that be true rather than the rumors that are circulating around. I wish her luck in life and hope this clears in her favor...and if not, then i certainly hope that she opts to go the other direction in life as opposed to a life of white collar crime.

Post Evacuation

2007-10-25T09:32:00.000-07:00

Ive been lazy to write a blog since coming back home. Its one of the most wonderful feelings to come back to the place you call home. Being at mom's house is home too, but it just aint the same anymore. In any case a lot of san diego county as been deemed safe for return except for a few areas where the fire has hit the hardest. I know most of poway was able to return yesterday except for the high valley area and rancho bernardo was given the go ahead in select areas as well. The news now is still bleak. we are hearing now of those that did not make it out alive. Im not sure how i feel about that. People were given a huge amount of time to gather belongings and to flee...however, many chose to stay. It was their choice....so was it their choice to die? I'm not sure, what if in the end they scrambled to get out but no one was around to help? is that a failure on the rescue efforts? Who knows. Needless to say, there are charred bodies showing up in certain areas. My heart goes out to all the families that has lost someone or something in the fires.

I was at work yesterday, and i came across a guy who had lost his home. This dude was in his mid twenties, gather supplies to clear away debris so as to sift through it and find what he can salvage. My heart really went out to him. Its unfortunate how many homes were consumed by these fires. But to actually talk to someone who has to start from square one all over again...what do you say? nothing can console them? nothing can make things better...not immediately at least. Not only did i come across a man that lost his home...I came across a man who faulted that guy for living in that area. How horrible is that. The comment this elderly man made about the younger guy made by jaw drop to the floor. I was so amazed at how cold he was. He blamed him for living in that area and faulted him. This stems, i believe, from the not so wealthy feeling good that the wealthy lost everything. Sick fucks! In the next days and weeks, i will be seeing first hand, families coming into my work to rebuild their homes. theres nothing more i can do, but to help them find what they need.

Life around town is slowly getting back to what it once was. The chaos is slowly lifting. Soon lives will be slowly pieced back together....

all packed up...round 2

2007-10-23T06:04:00.000-07:00

We are all packed up here at my mom's house...ready for what could be the inevitable. Daniel and I sought refuge here...and here we are again...packing the cars. This time in a greater magnitude. We have packed up most the photos...my parents only wedding portraits left, photos of our childhood, photos of the grandkids, and grandparents. The xterra is jam packed with things that are important to us; to my parents and to me. My dogs are harnessed and ready to go, the bird is in its cage and shiloh, we'll grab him on the way out.

Mt. Miguel once was just a name I identified to my high school. Now its the mountain burning in front of my parent's house. Daniel came into my room about 3am and said the ridge of the mountain is burning. I walked out and was just startled...i dont know why...i guess i didnt want to believe it. But when i seen it, my whole body trembled for a brief moment. At that moment, i woke my parents and told them to get ready for the worse case scenario...here we are 3 hours later...waiting to go. We have not had the reverse 9-1-1 call as of yet. But we know its close. Mt Miguel is practically almost all charred. The fire really has no where else to go, but to the reservoir and to the surrounding populated areas. Bonita and Sunnyside is in imminent danger. Dictionary Hill has been evacuated. The fire is coming really close...too close to comfort.

This experience this morning is more surreal than yesterday. My parents are in a frenzy, they were absolutely sure that the fire wouldn't head this way...my oh my were they taken by surprise. My dad really did not know what do...my mom packed almost everything. Nonetheless, we got everything that means something to us. The phones are on the charger and we are ready to roll.

All this has really got me stressed out. my stomach has pains and i haven't slept since noon yesterday. my ass is tired. Spuds...you need to go home and pack your shit! get all your important papers, family pics, essentials and necessities and be ready. The fire is coming right at us buddy. Why the hell are you at work? home depot can make it without us! My ass is calling in today...my family is way more important than work! Go save your sister!

In any case, as soon as the sun comes up...we'll see what kind of chance this place has. Hopefully sun up will come soon enough so we can have those air tankers in the air to save spring valley and its surrounding neighborhoods. Imagine 300,000 people have been evacuated. Where do people pick up from here? What happens next? Where will all these people go? As soon as day breaks...more valuable information will be readily available. Hopefully the winds will be more forgiving today...hopefully the fire squads from the north are just on the outskirts of town and are ready to help. I hope things begin to more forward on a positive note....

Thanks to all the firefighters who are risking their lives to save our county....may GOD bless you all.

Evacuated

2007-10-22T22:41:00.000-07:00

A long monday as spudies would say it...a long monday since the last blog but more closely, a long monday for an evacuee. Yesterday was the precursor for the events of today. Actually, in all reality, Saturday night would be the precursor. Here's why: anytime the weatherman on any news channel indicates that there will be Santa Ana winds coming through the San Diego area, a fire always sparks. Coincidence? Who knows. Sunday, the Harris fire and the Witch Creek fires may have been the only ones burning....known to the general population. Come Monday morning, practically all of East County San Diego is in flames.

4 years ago, I was also forced to evacuate my home in the Tierrasanta area. During that time, I was living in the El Dorado Hills Apartments. I tell you that was a scare for me. I was not able to grab anything and evacuate, except for the clothes on my back and my purse. I had awaken to a glowing glaze across the skies...not knowing what it was I didnt think any thing of it. Up until my mom called and told me to tune into the news...holy shit...the fires were at Scripps Ranch, just a highway north of me. Next thing I knew, helicopters were flying over head telling everyone to evacuate. Totally surreal at the time. I got in my car and headed to my parents house. For two days I waited, until I was able to go back and survey my place...thank GOD it was untouched by flames. However, the surrounding areas were practically charred. It was one foot away from the apartment complex...one foot!

4 years later...2007...i am in the same situation again. Approximately at 3:30pm it was televised that the Scripps Ranch Area pack up and leave...a mandatory evacuation. The roads were absolutely a disaster. Cars lined up to get onto the highway. It took us seriously, 20 minutes to get onto the I15, when it would normally have taken us 5 minutes or less. This time, I was able to grab what was important and essential to us. Daniel and I left our home in hopes it will still be there tomorrow. So far, no fires in Scripps Ranch, our evacuation was just precautionary and hopefully will remain so. We hope that they will let us back into our homes tomorrow sometime. Being displaced from a place you call home, is never fun. Even when you see refuge at your parent's house...a house i grew up in. Its just not the same.

This by far is the worse fire in San Diego history...i believe it is safe to say that this has outgrown the cedar fires of 2003. The fires are all around the San Diego county. From my moms house, to the north, the Witch fire continues to burn whats in its path, to the east the Harris fire climbs through the rugged terrain making its way to populated areas, to the northeast, the Witch fire continues to be creeping all through Ramona and surrounding areas. The air is filled with smoke. The sense in the air is one of stress and worry....a sense of urgency lingers.

I pray for us all....

My monday

2007-08-14T10:59:00.000-07:00

Today is my monday at work. i'm not too thrilled about going in today. i had a rough start to the day...the damn gardeners started really bright and early this morning cut the hedges around the window i sleep by. fuckers! dont they know people are still sleeping at 8am. after being rudely awaken, i got dressed and headed to the gym. the gym wasnt so bad except for the fat dude that decided to work out next to me. i really dont think fat people know they stink. granted its a gym, but this man was stanky before he even started. i cut my workout a lil short and did some strengthening exercises just so i can escape the must. note to self...workout 30 min earlier or later to avoid stank guy. having finished my workout, i came home to find out that them damn gardeners still arent finished doing the hedge work...what the fuck people. get your shit together...cut and move the fuck on.

moody already...just great. it'll make for a nice day at work today...not mention that i just started ragging...watch the fuck out you shit customers, its on. i've got that bad ass attitude today and i'm not afraid to use it. what are they gonna do fire me....ya fucking right, they cant afford to lose me. my work is so fucking desperate for workers right now, they dont give a rats ass what i say or do. granted they'll talk to me and say, hey no....lets try and keep it down, other wise good going. we've officially lost joel at the desk...and again we're down to 3. i seriously cant wait till ireland...them bitches are gonna be fucked with just 2 people. best part is i dont give a shit...its about time they see what kind of clusterfuck they're gonna be in. my mission after ireland...find a new job. a job that is monday through friday. i dont care much about the hours, but monday to friday is key for me.

i'm tired of not having enough danny time. for the past couple of months its been at its absolute minimum. i come home, chill for a couple of hours on the couch, then its off to bed...seriously, when we're only getting a few hours of quality time together, the work load has got to change. i almost feel i'm losing touch with him, that i dont know whats going on, that i dont know who he is. why...because i see him for a few hours, the other hours are spent in dream land apart. so that doesnt help me much. i'd like to be able to come home, have a nice dinner watch a movie together, walk the dog, laugh and live and just chill. the good old days before i was working. those were the best.

so we have a little less than 2 weeks to go before ireland. i cant wait. i need the vacation. more desperately than i thought. it'll be nice to be on your own time, ya know. be able to wake up and just mosey around a foreign town. it'll be so much fun.

the wedding has come to a slow slow slow process now. i havent done anything as of yet. i've been lazy...actually i just dont feel like dealing with it yet. it can very stressful to think about. okay it is stressful to think about.

well...happy monday to me...

blah blah blah

2007-07-27T09:28:00.000-07:00

Where do i begin? I've been meaning to write a blog on this spot for a while now. a lot has happened in the past couple of weeks. lets begin with the infamous workplace. yes, the hell hole that pays my bills. it is quite a hell hole. no one understands that until they've been drawn in and suffered what it has to offer...which is not much. this past week, i lost a friend of mine at the desk. she really was an anchor for me there because she knew just about everything and anything. which was fantastic because i can alway turn to her for help. during the down time (god forbid we have down time), we would shoot the shit. talk about how much we hated work, how management was a bunch of hyprocrits, and how our pay was so shitty. but seriously we do a lot of work, for so little pay...its almost like working in a sweatshop, minus the sewing machines and loads of shit to sew. funny thing, management asked me to take over my supervisors position. i know that i will excell at it, just because i know i'm a hard worker and i make sure things get done. but is all the stress and bullshit going to be worth it? i havent to know. afterall, it is a step up in the company. i've done nothing but move forward since i got hired. if only they paid me more...if only. but being that work is stingy with raises, i have a feeling it will not be worth it. but know deep down that i should do it for the work experience. it would look awesome on my resume...thats for sure. ahh fuck it, i'm gonna persue it for what its worth.
from the looks of things, work has really been changing in and out. they've fired a couple of people and have shifted a lot of people around. a lot of the dh's are moving around to gain experience in fields they lack so they can persue a career as an asm. good luck to you people. a shout out to yul, congrats buddy for making head cashier. thats a step up yo! if you need help or have questions dont hesitate to ask. i'm here for you.

wedding planning is definately well on its way. a lot of the planning is done. need a florist and a cake. invites will be easy. the gown i hope will be easy...and its done. not a lot to do. definately knocked out a lot in the past 2 months. which i am thankful for, cause its less shit to do later. now all we's got to do is wait till next year. ahhh.... danny has been pretty excited about things, i think. well it appears. its hard to tell with him. he doesnt show a lot of emotion about it. i guess it hasnt hit or he's keeping it in. but whatever it is, it shows every now and again. guess we'll have to see who has tears in their eyes first on the big day. dont worry honey, i'll bring a tissue for you.

the ireland trip is about 4 weeks away. we're excited kinda...it hasnt hit yet. but it will when we're driving up to LAX or when we're on that nonstop plane ride to ireland. its gonna be fun. a whole new place, brand new things to see, a different culture to experience. it'll be great. i'm gonna really need that vacation after whats going on here.

well,thats all my blabbing this time around. hopefully i'll have more exciting shit to share the next time.

random

2007-07-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

its been a long while since i've last posted. its sad because not a lot has really happened between the last post and this here. i've been lazy is all. its the hours at work that creates the highest peak of laziness with me. apparently i was chosen somehow to do most the closing shifts at work, which i am not to fond of. i hate closing. if i'm not closing my shift ends at 8pm, which is pretty damn near closing. i am the queen of shit shifts at my work. i dont know how the others got the morning schedules favored to them and i got these. as they say, its who you side with at work that makes all the differences, and that is damn true. i'm not an ass kisser. my promotions have been truley deserved becuase of my hard work and not my ability to kiss someone's ass. eh fuck it, i have to tough it out till after the colorado trip before i can move on to bigger and better things. i cannot wait. funny thing is, there's been talk to train me as supervisor...ha....see how long that takes. i'm worried about the promotion...its almost guaranteed.

the wedding planning is going pretty smooth. i've got to book a florist, decide on a cake, shop for my dress, the tuxedos, and the invites and it'll be pretty much done. florist will be easy. cake will not be that hard. the dress will be a bitch to shop for. the tuxedos are even easier. the invites will be the cheapest. no big deal. i've got most the big stuff out of the way. the only thing we're dreading is probably the catholic classes we have to take. oh well. it'll be worth it in the end.

daniel and i are making the best out of the summer. we've been able to explore the socal beaches. its been pretty neat going to and seeing them all. each beach seems to hold a different 'feel' to it. some are family oriented while others are complete 'meat markets.' its amazing to see the differences - being that these beaches are rather close to each other.

at the end of august we've got an ireland trip set up. i think its gonna be great. its our first big trip together out of town and out of country. a whole new atmosphere awaits us. we're both excited about it. i dont think it has hit us quite yet, but it will. we'll have a lot of time to visit around the west side of the country. most importantly, we'll be able to attend mike's wedding.

this is all for now....

What the -

2007-06-05T19:25:00.000-07:00

Today is my 6th day of work out of 9. three more damn days to go before i get a measly 2 days off...wooptie fucking doo! work has really been getting the best of me. i go to work in a bad mood, then i come home in a bad mood. what the fuck is that all about. the people i work with are cool...well a select few, the rest of them are all assholes in their own little ways. those are the people i really dont care to work with. it has come to my attention today, that i am under a lot of pressure at work. my 6 month review has passed, but is now only being issued to me soon. 4 months late...shows you how prompt and proficient my work is. i realized today, why there is such a high turnover rate at my work. the reason being is because people are not being appreciated and rewarded. i'm not asking for a monetary raise, though that would be absolutely wonderful, but i'm talking more like...a pat on the back, an acknowledgement that you did something good, an award, or even a pin to place on your apron. we lack that at my work. we lack positive energy. the only positive energy being thrown around are by fellow co-workers, whose opinions, i might add, do not count towards your overall performance when it comes to reviews.

one of my co-workers today, julius, came in to talk to the store manager...ha good luck on that buddy...to see if he can get a raise. this boy has kept his end of the bargain. does what he is asked and then some...and he asked for a raise. the manager simply told him, make a statement as to why you earn a raise, come the next round table meeting, we'll discuss it and make a decision. seriously, hard work on the floor is not enough? meeting sales goals is not enough? damn....what more? i simply do not understand. i think the reason behind the written statement is because the store manager himself does not even know the progress of his own employees...which is sad. you have to make your employees happy or atleast meet in the middle in order to gain some kind of compliance from the. but here at hell depot, that doesnt matter. we're all work-aholics...really we are. when do we ever really get to take a break? when do we ever really get to have a lunch? when? you're always doing something for the company...always. oh, and here's a note...the raise julius will probably get will be somewhere between a penny and fifty cents. rarely do they give out 50 cent raises. only the lucky receive those....or serious ass kissers. which there are many at my work...we all know who you are.

i have really considered quitting my job...only problem, i need to have an income. i have bills to pay for. its not all fun and games anymore. again the job hunting begins all over again. job hunting is always on for me. i just havent really pushed for anything. i'm too tired at times to even look, my time at work is very tiresome. i find myself completely drained...even on my days off. why is that? i think its because i hate my job...i hate where i work. i hate the hours i work, the inconsistency, the lame ass excuses, the fucked up management, the audits, the lecturing, the yelling from customers and management, its just really all not worth it, and yet i still wake every morning and manage to head on over to work, just to bare it all over again. never ending cycle i guess. maybe manpower has something more to offer, or even trader joes can help me out...hell people have moved on to costco and lowes...why the fuck not? they seem a lot happier.

to top things off, i have the stress of planning a wedding. the endless calls, the endless canvasing, the endless thoughts of how much its gonna cost...all that drains me. almost makes me want to go to vegas. but as i just heard, its too late, we're committed to have a wedding here now. the deposit was made on the reception venue...there's no turning back now. or else we lose $4k...something daniel will not be happy about...or me. it just seems that the planning is getting worse and worse because the expenses keep rising. why does it have to be so expensive? dont answer that...i already know. ah fuck it, 11 months more to go, then it'll all be over....and hopefully life as i knew it will get back on track. hopefully before then i'll have a new job...i think that will relieve a lot of this stress. but who the hell knows nowadays.

anyway, enough bitching...time to figure out whats for dinner...btw buddy...jules stopped in and said whats up...he hasnt seen you in forever...and damnit, pick up your phone or answer back the text messages....get back to us you freak! oh and good job in garden buddy! i appreciate what you do...and i see the hard work you put it. lets find another job!

Lazy Day

2007-05-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

My last day off before i have to work 9 days straight before my next two days off. at least those days off will be on the weekend...something i havent had for a long while now. hopefully daniel and i can plan something cool to do those days...being that its very rare that i have them off. sucky part is that i have a store meeting to be on my second day off at 5am. who the hell planned that shit? fuck it, who cares. go with the flow christine, it makes life a lot easier at work.

today is totally a lazy day. i'm out of a car until 3pm, so i woke up early to run around the block 4 times. then came back home, did some crunches, reverse crunches, squats and lunges. sometimes you gotta improvise when you cant get to the gym. its time to buckle down on my workouts being that the wedding is 11 months away. i hope to lose 20 pounds before then, if not 20 then dammit i better lose some inches off my waist and thighs. ha...every woman's trouble spots. i miss being in my teens and athletic, where i can eat just about anything and everything and not have to worry about fitting into my size 2 or 3 jeans. boy are those days long gone. now its the uphill battle to fit into the jeans i wear today, which i choose not to disclose the size on them. its quite scary actually.

anyway, the job hunting will begin soon. i need to expand my horizons and obtain experience elsewhere. somewhere along my field. i'm thinking about possibly going back to earn my masters in business admin or even social work. i havent really decided on that. i do know that i cant stay in retail. i need me a 9-5 monday through friday. fuck the weekend shifts...i've had it with them. i need consistency. but the problem with obtaining consistency is the fact that i will more than likely have to take a pay cut, and i'm not sure i want to do all that. there's a wedding that needs to be paid for and a house we want to try and buy. i dont make nearly enough as it is....how can afford a dollar or two pay cut an hour. just not possible right now. what will most likely end up happening is dropping down to part time where i am at, then working somewhere that is along my field of interest to gain experience until i can move into a full time job that pays well enough. the headaches of being out of college and indecisive. rather, its my fault for majoring in something that cant find a job in. i should have done business admin instead of law and society. sucks, cause the law intrigues me and business admin are where all the jobs are at right now. my luck! cant dwell now, need to adapt to society and make a place in it for myself.

as you can tell, lazy days offers me a lot of time to think about shit. i'll sit back and ponder what to do about my life, where i want to be in the future, how i plan on getting there and which routes to take.

for right now, i've seemed to put a lot of time into planning this wedding for next year. unfortunately, planning a wedding isnt all fun, nor does everything happen your way. it appears our guest list has grown by 50 people. in all reality, i am hoping that a quarter of the people we invite will end up rsvp'ing with a regret. planning is a job all in itself...i think a lot of my stress and headache will come down to having things done the way i want them done. that takes doing all the leg work, all the calling, all the driving around and figuring things out, all the canvasing, shopping about and just getting things done one by one. in the midst of all that, try and cut down some of the costs. trying to find people who know people and getting a referral discount or something. weddings arent cheap these days. $30k ten years ago would have bought you the most elegant wedding of someones dreams. nowadays, that buys you just the basics...barely the basics. that includes, the ceremony site, the reception venue and food. but also doesnt help when you have a guest list of 450 either. hence the saying, you cant have everything your way. oh well. reality always bites us in the ass.

i really need to start using that wedding planner we got from robbins bros. i think that will help me a lot. keep things organized and hopefully it will give me a sense of direction on what to do next. i envy people that are good at planning huge events like this.

its almost noon...and here i ponder what to do next. i've taken the pups a bath, worked on the guest list some, need to take dad to pick up his car at the shop when he gets back home, then he'll take me to get my car out of the shop around 3pm then i'll head home shortly after that to work on more wedding stuff...this time the budget. nah, i think i'll start that now after i post this.

here's to my last day off....

learn to appreciate

2007-05-29T10:44:00.001-07:00

today is my day off...finally. the weekend was chaos at my work. there were crowds and crowds of people going into a frenzy over bbq grills and patio furniture. it was horrible. i really dont mind working the holidays but its the people that come into my work that makes me want the holidays off. its people that come in and expect me and my co-workers to drop everything we're doing and help them out. sorry buddy...it just doesnt work that way. and no i cant call the guy that rented the load-n-go and ask him when he'll be done so you can take your patio furniture home. he paid for the service... so he can drive to Timbuktu if he so chooses and your prissy ass and your ugly ass patio furniture can wait until he gets back. and yes, please take my damn name down and complain to my manager cause guess what bitch, he'll back me up!

seriously...why is it that people of high status expect the working class to drop everything? do you realize that the working class is the reason why you live such a rich lifestyle and if it were not for us your ass would be doing all the leg work. so take the time to appreciate the hard work we're shelling out for you, otherwise you'll get the shitty service you always complain about. and i'm the bitch on the other side of the counter that will continue to purposely fuck things up just to see you bitch and moan about the service. the reason why i do that...its fucking fun to see you get your panties in a bunch. the nicer you are to us, the better service we'll shell out. that will be a known fact....trust!

so having survived this weekend at my work, i have learned that hard work is never really appreciated by anybody. sometimes its hard to appreciate your own hard work because people think you arent working hard enough, when in fact you are busting your ass. i have learned that no matter the situation, no one seems to appreciate anything and its quite sad. i know people that i work with that bust ass day in and day out at work, to only find that their boss expects more. the reason why they expect more....is quite simple...they want you to do their work for them. so yes, i know exactly how it feels to not take your first and last break because there's so much work expected out of you, or to even clock out for lunch and still continue to work. or even to clock out when your shift is over but to continue to work. i know those feelings all to well. this is a company that hates giving out overtime unless approved by a manager..well guess what, i'm not clocking out and working for free anymore...i've stopped doing that a few weeks ago. if i'm working i'm getting paid...that's just the way its gonna be.

enough about work. i've learned from my past life experiences to appreciate all things in life. the small and the big. i appreciate the small things in life because they are what makes me feel alive. the small things count in my book. if anyone knows me, they'll acknowledge that. the bigger things in life are always appreciated because those are usually goals that i have set to achieve. these are things that people see and are aware of. having been out of college for a year now, time is of the essence. it seems like there are not enough hours in the day to do what i want. there's never enough time to spend with family or friends. so my days off when i am visiting my parents, i appreciate the time with them. i appreciate the talks my mom has with me. i appreciate the help given and taken between me and my dad. i appreciates the time i spend with my two dogs. when i get to sit on the floor and play catch or war with erin or when oreo is begging me to pick him up and cuddle with him are a few of the greatest feelings in the world. it also makes me appreciate the time spent with and away from daniel. as weird as it sounds, time apart is good for us. it allows us to miss each other when we're not close...and that keeps our passion alive. it keeps the love real.

daniel is one of the reasons why i have learned to appreciate life. he has really shown me to love life for what it is. to appreciate what you have and not yearn so much for what you dont have. daniel is a quite simple guy. he's a happy go lucky type of fellow. he goes with the flow. does not get upset over the tiny things and adapts to change very well...all of which are quite opposite of me. he has really allowed me to loosen up, to relax and enjoy the moment. we appreciate each other and what each of us has been through. i appreciate the time he takes out of his day to text me and tell me he loves. i appreciate how he gets up off the couch and greets me with a warm kiss and hug. i appreciate him waking up with me on the weekends and taking me to work. i appreciate everything he does...

to all you people out there reading this...when was the last time you appreciated someones hard work? the last time you told someone you appreciated them being in your life? the last time you took the time to appreciate life itself? if its been a while, then take the time now and appreciate what you have. if you have, then continue to do so. if you've never appreciated the small or big things, then learn to appreciate them.

**small note**buddy, i want one of them sweatshirts! tell me what i need to do to get my hands on one! for serious, i wanna rock one. hook a buddy up!

?

2007-05-23T15:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure where this is all stemming from. But what better way to let shit out other than a blog? For some reason, i have had many run-ins with relatives while out and about running errands and getting things done that i would not otherwise get done working a midshift at the torturous hell depot.

making my way through costco today i ran into my ninong (god father from baptism). he questioned my life as he always does every so often that we see each other. the last i saw him was this time last year at my graduation party. at that time he questioned my goals for a career. he, as godfathers are supposed to, added his 2 sense in which ended up equaling a whole dollar by the time the conversation came to an end. again, today, he did the same. he asked where i worked, where i live, how much i am paying for rent, added that young people as myself should not buy a house because we seem to be too careless to take care of it - he referring to the yard work and the like. i felt a little offended in a sense because it is a dream of mine to have a house. and who the hell is he to say that i would be too careless to take care of my yard. damnit, that's why people hire gardeners for a nominal fee. if worse came to worse, i would most certainly hire one. the conversation ended with him making note that he would like to see me succeed. that was a nice thing to say i suppose. it just sounded weird coming from him. that was my mini lecture at costco today.

next on my agenda was to run to petsmart to buy oreo more of his prescription dog food. who did i run into there, do you wonder? of all people a friend from grossmont college. was not at all surprised being that the college was just up the highway. but this guy had the hugest crush on me, and apparently still does. guys...here's a tip...an engagement ring really means she is engaged. so get over it already. stop with the sweet talk about being better than my guy. my guy is the best thing that has happened to me since sliced bread ok! seriously, if daniel was not good enough for me, i would have never said yes when he proposed. no one will ever compare to daniel...and yes, i do know that for a fact! so suck it up and find your own girl. but thanks for the compliments.

next stop the gym. i remember why now, that i dont workout at the 24 in santee. there are way too many people that i know there from my college days and my high school days. a lot of them people are all about material things. which is fine for them. but if anyone knows me, they know me to be an average gal not overly obsessed with what i have and how much i paid for it. seriously! its nice to have expensive things, but that's not all that matters to me. when you get to my age, and have been through the things i have been through, have acquired a student loan, and paying for bills - you spend your money a lot more wisely. priorities change...you'll soon learn to face it one day...maybe.

next stop...henrys. this was one of the places i did not run into anyone. thank goodness. this day almost turned out to be a trip down memory lane for me. henrys always reminds me to eat healthy. granted, they only have healthy stuff there, so there is not much else you can buy but healthy stuff...which is good. maybe this is why daniel likes to shop at trader joes. i have started a new work out routine...cardio one day and cardio and lifting the next day...will alternate every other day...to help burn the fat and get toned finally. i've got till august to get toned up...so I'm' hoping this works. am making a conscious effort to eat healthier and more often...it boosts the metabolism.

last stop...the gas station. why is it that it costs almost an arm and leg to fill my tank now...i was half tank and it cost me $40. damn. i remember when i first got my license and gas was serious $2 and come change...small change. this whole gas thing is bullshit. great way to rip us all off. and its perfect too because our public transportation out here sucks ass. you'll either get robbed or end up in a place where people will rob you. if we had better public transportation like switzerland's...i'll be down to take it. but not here...not with all you weirdos out there stalking people and victimizing them.

so i think i'm done bitching. tomorrow...hell depot starts again. damn i need a new job soon. i'll keep bitching till i find one....get used to it folks.

One night to remember....

2007-05-20T18:31:00.001-07:00

Our engagement party was last night. the day started off a little slow for us both. we decided that we would cook, or shall i say, i would cook all the food for the party. we wanted a bbq type of feel to the party. It was really casual to say the least. daniel and i had stayed up pretty late the night before marinating the food. we peeled garlic for almost 3 hours...trust me when i say, that i wont be doing this again....but if i do, it wont be such a huge quantity as this. i started cooking the meet about 2pm and didnt finish everything until a little past 5pm. thanks to monica and dominique i had some help getting things in order. daniel did all the leg work of course. so the party kicks off a little late...about 630pm. people really liked the food...thank goodness...i was worried it wouldnt come out right...but everyone enjoyed...or at least they said they did. about an hour in the party monica decides to go for an ice run at the liquor store. unfortunately she locks her keys in the car. not a big deal, except for the fact that the car was still running. how she managed to do this is beyond me. so needless to say, i leave the hosting up to daniel and walk to the liquor store and see whats going on. having talked to most people coming in and out of the liqour store, monica is unable to get someone to open her car. AAA to the rescue. thank goodness i have such a service, otherwise it really would have sucked!!! here a few photos documenting the scene....

** sign says 15 min parking max...she was parked for almost half an hour!**

**monica's prince in the shinning white tow truck finally arrives to save her**

**eric works diligently to fix her window after unlocking her car and saving the day**

** yul eats as he watches the erick work his magic**

***Daniel and I take moment to take a keepsake photo***

***myself, dominique and monica***

***janice, myself and ernest***

***monica, myself and yul***

***tim, myself and yul***

***my buddy and me***

***daniel and yul***

***the kiss to end the night***

That was a quick run down of what happened. If you need more photos look daniel up on flickr- djyoung71. you'll find the full library of photos of our engagement party. Overall, we had a great night. Most of our friends and family came out. unfortunately my dad was too sick to come and take part, i was pretty bummed about that. two of my bridesmaids was unable to attend. kieu wasnt able to come because her friend's mom had a heart attack earlier that day, and i felt if was important for her to stay with her friend. my other bridesmaid...no idea what her excuse is, but i think she'll be booted from the wedding party. sorry!!! my maid of honor was in michigan, and will be in town the following weekend. we'll see if we get together or not, its usually hectic when she comes into town. lets see how hard we can try to get together.

now that the engagement party is done and over with, the work begins to plan this wedding that is a year away. i think we have a head start on it, just because we already have the church and know where we want the reception. i will be calling tomorrow to get the reception venue rented out to us, so that way no one sweeps it from under our feet. next month, the guest list will be compiled and we'll have a rough but approximate number of how may guests will be attending. we're trying to keep it no more than 400.

again, thanks to all those that helped set the party up and a special thanks to those that stayed behind to help clean it up. we greatly appreciate your help. we hope you all had a blast.

362 days and counting down....

12 months and counting....

2007-05-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

today marks the 12 month countdown until the wedding. at 2pm it will be exactly one year until i promise to love and cherish daniel for the rest of our lives until death do we part. its quite moving i must say. it hasnt really sunk in yet, that i'm going to be making a life long commitment to him. as the months begin to disappear one by one, then it'll become more of a reality to me. wedding plans are already in the making. we have the church and time all set. we are checking out the reception venue tomorrow together. then soon after we'll be booking photographers, videoagraphers (sp?), and all the other hoopla to go along with it. next thing i know the wedding will be next week. wow.

its weird because a few weeks ago i broke down infront of daniel about this whole wedding plans stuff. i'm not one to really plan huge things as this. the only thing i really planned before was my high school prom, but that was broken down between a few people. so i had significant help with it. but the wedding....is a little different. its our day. the day i've never been able to have before, and here i want everything to be as perfect as i can possibly get it. why, because this is the last time i'm getting married. its a big deal to me. a very big deal to me. daniel tells me its not about the material aspects of it, but the vows we take. the meaning of marriage to us. and yes, he is right about all that. but i also want a wedding that i'll never forget. i want the pizazz and jazz that goes with celebrating a wedding. i want to be able to sit back at the end of the day and say wow...that was the most gorgeous wedding i've ever seen. and to know that it was mine will be the cherry on top of the sundae. all that hoopla, all happens to be the material side of it. but in all reality, the meaning of marriage to me is greater than the material. its deeper than all that. i know that. so why cant i have both?

on another note...the engagement party is this saturday at 6pm. unfortunately i was not able to get the day off because that boss of mine closed out the day for anyone to have the day off. whoopie for me. so that will mean that saturday will most likely be one of the most stressed out days i will ever have. i have to rush home from work, start the grill, get everything cooked by 5pm. hop in the shower, dry and do my hair, get dressed, put some make up on so i look somewhat beautiful, and head to the party before anyone really gets there. oh and did i mention that i work at 9am the next day. so this whole retail job that i have really sucks ass right now and will continue to until i find another job.

in any case, we have nearly 40 people coming to help celebrate our engagement. almost my entire family will be there, and all of our close friends will be there besides my maid of honor. she will have to make this up to me some how. we plan to just socialize and enjoy eachothers company. let everyone get to know everyone since a lot of people attending will be in the wedding. its good that they get to meet. there will obviously be good eats and some drinking involved. i'm excited but also stressed. i wont be in enjoy mode until mid party i bet. but thats ok. it happens.

needless to say 364 days to go....

flying solo...

2007-05-12T22:31:00.000-07:00

this weekend i have been flying solo. i've been able to hang out with friends unattached or worried about coming home at a decent time to see daniel. i dont have that guilt that i would otherwise feel if i were to go out and daniel was at home. this weekend i can come and go as i feel. nobody to worry about but luthor. he's pretty simple though, gotta walk him and feed him and make sure he's a happy weiner.

last night was the beginning of my solo flight this weekend...i started off at el torito with lindsay and met up afterwards with a few friends from high school at a local bar and grill in town. that was a lot of fun. there was a lot of catching up that we did. its so weird to see how each one of our lives has changed since the last time we had drinks as we did last night. the night ended pretty early since i had to be at work at 6am. oh well....

tonite, i had a little dinner get together with some co-workers that i can actually hang with. they're the cool ones at work. the ones i can confide in and the ones i trust the most. we all see eye to eye about things, and that helps a lot in the industry we work in. so i bbq'd some salmon and chicken. mind you i've never made those before, and i must admit that i was quite impressed. they all liked it and that made me feel good. i miss having bbqs with a few friends over to just chill and hang out. those were the days in temecula. tonite really made me realize that its something i definately miss. i wish i'll have more opportunities to cook up some good eats and catch up with friends more often...after all, they are who gets me through the days at times. without them, work would be routine and boring. anyway, tonite is not quite over. one more stop with friends and a few more drinks. possibly even some stripper action. havent seen one in what seems to be years. reminds me of my single days. but hey, i am flying solo this weekend...well, up until tomorrow at 2pm at least. so tonite, i am living it up.

daniel is in vegas for a bachelor party. he's called a few times mentioning he misses me and loves me. i just hope he's having the time of his life doing whatever they're doing. go buck wild buddy! its about time...take out some of that stress tonite...do what you gotta do. release that wild beast you have shacked up in that body of yours....dont tell me you dont have one, cause damnit we all have one!!!! trust me...i know! my trust lies with you...if only you understood that. maybe one of these days before we get married you will. until then, i'll continue to give you shit about things that you think bothers me. such is life... sorry! you'll learn to catch on. there are not very many people i trust in this life, and it so happens that you are one of them....so live life buddy. you are a grown man, and i trust your judgment. you have a mind of your own and you know whats right and wrong. thats all that needs to be said about that.

you cannot love life until you love the life you live...damnit, i'm working on loving it...one of these days i'll get there and life will be grand! trust me...

On the road again...

2007-05-05T18:40:00.000-07:00

tomorrow i leave bright and early for a 7 hour drive up the coast of california to monterey. there, i will be reunited with my relatives i haven't seen for a year or two. unfortunately, my relatives and i only seem to meet when someone in the family passes away. i cant even remember the last time my family visited the bay area for leisure. its unfortunate how we do not make the time to visit one another.

monterey is a special place for my family. its where my parents first started when they moved to the states. its where my oldest brother was born. its where my mom had her very first job as a midwife in the states. it's also the first place where they started to build for their future. all my relatives on my dad's side are still there. aside from having family in the area, monterey is one of the most beautiful places in california. the scenery is absolutely gorgeous. i'll have to try and take some photos while i'm there.

speaking of deaths. this is the second death in the family. i am hoping this year will be more forgiving than last year. it seems that my relatives are dropping dead like flies. it really sucks. however, i expected this growing up. my parents were old when they had me. my mom was 42 and my dad was 47. my parents are among the few of the youngest in their families. so that makes the rest of the relatives a lot older than they. i've been to funerals since i was a little girl. the first one i remember was my grandma on my mom's side. she passed away when i was 8. since then, there hasnt been a year where i did not mourn the loss of a loved one.

i have to admit that i deal with death rather calmly. funerals do not creep me out. burials do not creep me out. wakes dont even bother me. i've learned that people have their own way to grieve. that some get over it more quickly than others. i've learned that its a part of life. that my ultimate step in life is death. having lost so many relatives has really helped me accept death as a part of life. i have to believe that each one of us has a destination after life....heaven or hell.

after attending funerals the realization that life is too short becomes all to familiar with me. it saddens me at times because i know that at one point in my life i will lose my own parents. if anyone knows me, i value my parents as my most prized posessions. they are one of the very few important peoples in my life. i dread the day when i lose one. but i'll know that they'll be in a happier and more joyful place. and thats what will keep me content when the time comes. but i will be the first to admit that death will hit me the hardest when i lose one and both of my parents.

what a day....

2007-04-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

all i have to say is...thank goodness today is almost over. it was the craziest day for me. well, work always seems to be crazy now - especially dealing with a large variety of peoples that come to my desk. for some reason today was just extraordinarily different. i'm not sure why. i think the mood was different today or something...full moon tonite...i dont know. maybe its because i'm ragging...who the hell knows.

the day started off with me and joel. not bad...a rookie and an expert. good deal. up until he has to leave at 430pm. sucks from there on out. i was left by myself for basically 3 and a half hours. yes a rookie...all by her lonesome not knowing the world of my specialty quite yet. now i know how yul feels. he has never shadowed in his new department. its okay buddy, we'll figure this out. maybe its cause we've been there a while and they think we have a handle on everything. damn dude, never thought this would be part of my job description...christine...no longer rookie...has all knowledge of all products and services where you can do it and we can help - home depot. ha. right!

anyway, the night ended with a dude whom was drunk and possibly high coming into the store asking to have a key made. unfortunately the key machine has been down for a few weeks now. having learned this unfortunate circumstance, he become angry asking for an asm. stu comes up and is seriously cursed at from this customer...making all kinds of threats. all the while, his accomplice manages to steal one of the new ac units that we were putting on display by the door. having done the job swiftly, his accomplice comes and in and rushes him to hurry and leave...leaving a half full 40oz mickey behind in the handi-cap parking zone. best of all, we got the license plate number...so we're after you buddy....run hard...and run fast asshole. shit always comes around and hits you in the face ten times harder than the first time you've ever fell on your ass.

after all that....i managed to count my till out and send it up and made my way to vons to buy a six pack of heineken light and a six pack of red stripe for my honey. so that was the day. tomorrow is my tuesday and the hell starts all over again. ah fuck it, gotta pay the bills somehow.

one beer down...here comes another....

good nite bitches!

A Day at the Bay

2007-04-24T18:19:00.000-07:00

Today was supposed to be set aside for daniel and i to check out potential venues for our wedding reception. Hearing nothing from any of the venues, we decided to ditch the plan. Sucks for us, because we hardly ever get a day off together, and daniel took half the day off so we can put some kind of dent in our wedding plans. a good note is that i have an appointment at one of the halls on may 3rd and 2pm. they already sent me a quote of how much it will cost us to rent the place with tables and chairs, security guards and bathroom attendants....a whopping $8,517. Which is really not that bad. However, the price triples once we choose a caterer and whether or not we'll have an open bar or a bar at all.

Having ditched the wedding plans, daniel opted to have lunch at the island kitchen at mission beach. the kalua(?) pig was good. it wasnt to die for, but it was good. the kimchee sucked bad, and the rice was a little to hard. but i ate it anyway, i was hungry. afterwards, we decided to walk off lunch at our special place....mission bay. we walked it, swinged at the swings then walked back and headed to 24 hour fitness to get our workout in. our legs were pretty heavy today.

the rest of the day will be spent watching basketball and lounging. tomorrow marks my monday at work and an 8 day week of work before i have another day off again. damn i hate where i work. i cant wait to have a 9-5 with weekends off.

well couch...here i come...make way luthor...

i broke down...finally

2007-04-23T13:33:00.000-07:00

after months of reading my buddy's blog on blogspot i broke down and created my own space. as far as i know, he's recruited me and another from the workplace. it actually occured to me this morning, what harm would it do to have another blog spot elsewhere? so before i met up with yul and jasmin at cadao(?) for some fried spring rolls and pho, i went out on a limb - i named and created this.

the task at hand is to keep up with this. i remember someone once telling me that they would attribute a certain amount of blogs to me, but me being the realist that i can be, knew that it would not play true. no hard feelings here, thats for sure. i know how life can get sometime and more times than not, there's just not enough time to just sit and write a blog. i've only seemed to write 3 blogs at most on yahoo a month. not so good. so i hope i can keep up on this one. there's that need to keep up with people on here. not so much a competition, but more of being fair.

back to lunch, the cadao place was good. never been there before. heard of it and passed by it, but never been inside to experience it. finally today i did. the topic at hand seemed to be work. its what all three of us relate to.

today is buddy's first day in garden. they welcomed him with a crappy shift too. 3 to midnite. what kind of crap is that. its ok buddy! you'll have your chance to shine, but in the meantime make the best of being in back of the bus. trust me, it'll beat being at self check out. no more "scan your items or coupons. please place item in bagging area. unexpected item in the bagging area. please take your items. thank you for shopping at the home depot." no more of that for 8 hours. no more money issues. but trust me, the pissed off customers will always exist. the jerks will remain jerks, the assholes are always gonna be asses and old ladies are always gonna be pushy and bitter when they dont get the answer they want. so with that being said, good luck to you! have fun at it. dont let the small stuff get to you.

with all that written...this blog is for you buddy! happy reading to you in the future! oh and get on me about keeping my appearance on here if you see me starting to fade. here's to the rhythm and harmony of life....one beat at a time!